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Please help me April,
(pretty please, help me!)

My BF and I have been together almost four years. I am 23 and he is 29. Both of us still living at home. He is Indian and I am white, his family is very strict Hindu. He will not tell his family about us. I try to be understanding, and almost wonder if i am being TOO understanding. It is a difficult situation for us because if he tells his family about me, they will no longer support him. There are so many cultural differences here (it is normal to be living with mom and dad at his age, in his culture). He would basically be choosing me over his family because they would no longer have anything to do with him.

I spoke to him about it and we agreed to tell them after 3-5 years!! That was the best he could assure me!!!! I don’t know if he is just stringing me along or what!! My fear is that he will meet a nice indian girl that his parents approve of, and that they will be engaged within months of meeting.

I really love this boy with all my heart and mind and soul and every fiber in my body, but it is killing me because I just don’t know if he sees me the same way. I get so upset with him because I don’t feel that he loves me the way I love him. I try to listen to him when he says he cares, but “just doesn’t like to show girly emotion”. I try to blow it off and I try to ignore the little voice inside of me that is making me question our relationship and whether I am doing the right thing by staying.

I know its difficult to judge a situation without being directly involved, but please, please give me some advice. Do you think there could be a future her, or am I simply an idiot to stay?

[AskApril Masini]

No, there is no future for you with your boyfriend of four years. 🙁 I’m sorry, but I think you already know this and just want me to tell you what you don’t want to acknowledge. You are not being [i]too understanding[/i], as you described yourself in your post. Instead, you are being too much in denial. 😕

Here’s why he won’t marry you:

1. He’s 29 and you’ve been together for four years now. If you were Ms. Right, he’d have put a ring on it already.

2. He’s still living with his parents, which may be very normal in his culture, but he’s choosing his culture over you.

3. His culture does not approve of a marriage with you because you are outside his culture, and he’s making every part of his life (except for dating you) about his culture. Again, he’s committing to his culture, not you.

4. His behavior shows he will choose his family and his culture over you and you’re right, at some point he will marry a nice girl that his family and girl approve of because she will be right for the family which is his priority.

5. His promise that he will marry you in 3-5 years after dating you for 4 already, doesn’t add up. It’s his way of not lying to you outright, but putting you off with a very diluted promise of some commitment. Don’t buy it. If he really wanted you as a permanent part of his life, he’d give you an engagement ring with a wedding date, and if he needed time to get his family to accept you, he’d pick a wedding date that allowed for that time, but you’d have a commitment — at least in the form of jewelry!

6. He is at an age when men want to start a family. That he isn’t doing this with you means he’s looking elsewhere whether or not he admits it to you or himself, that’s what’s going on and I know you know it.

I’m sorry that you are so sad about this, but the reality is you should not waste any more time. Choose Mr. Right next time around and pay attention to who he REALLY is and what he REALLY wants in a woman and if you’re not compatible, it doesn’t matter how much you feel for him, whether it’s love or lust or like — compatibility is a deal breaker, as you can see.

Break up with him, amicably, and stop wasting your time and his. Get my book Think & Date Like A Man, and read it so you can understand better how to find, get and keep MR. RIGHT — not Mr. Could Be Right If Only He Was Different. 😉 Here’s the link for the book. Buy it: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

And join me on Facebook. I’d love to have you there. 😀 Here’s that link: [url][/url].

[Anonymous]

Hey everyone,

As you can see, this is very difficult for me. If there is anyone else who has experienced a similar situation, PLEASE contact me as I would love to hear from you. I suspect April is right, but a large part of me just isn’t ready to accept that. I love him so much I would jump in front of a car for him and cannot bear the thought of losing him. I guess it would help if I had someone to talk with about this who understood first hand.

Thanks everyone! 🙂

[AskApril Masini]

I hope that someone else does chime in for you, but the bottom line is that you don’t have to take my advice. However, I believe that until you’re ready to accept the truth of what’s clearly going on (in spite of your loving him enough to jump in front of a bus for him), you’re going to be wasting time until he finds a woman his family approves of.

I’m sorry. Maybe someone else will say something that resonates for you.

Please join me on Facebook as well where you can get even more advice and viewpoints. Here’s that link: [url][/url]. 🙂

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