[Ask April Masini]

I can just go by what you write, and when you say you’re going to “hang out”, that has very different implications that taking her on a date to dinner. I try to pay close attention to what people write — thanks for clarifying!

[Amoop182]

I mean I know I stated the term hang out. she knows how I feel and that I am interested in her, she also expressed feelings for me. I just am unsure of what might actually happen when I see her and what I should or should not do. But I am going to be taking her out on a date when I see her

[Ask April Masini]

Got it. I didn’t understand at first, that you are going to Florida specifically to date her, and that she’s agreed to a real date. That should help get you out of the friend zone. And now, you have to compete with her boyfriend, for her. 😉

[Amoop182]

Yeah. That’s what sucks. Is I am going away for 2 months after I go visit her. But she stated to me that she would consider moving back up here when I get back. So idk, if I were in the same area as her, this kid would not be any type of competition to me. But I mean idk when she even really sees him. She has been working her ass off trying to support herself. But that’s none of my business anyways

[Ask April Masini]

See how the date goes and then take it from there….

[Amoop182]

Well April. It looks like the trip is canceled. Her boyfriend was on her iPad and saw the conversations me and her had and confronted her about it. She told me the next day about it and said how bad she felt for hurting him and talking to me behind his back and said she can’t see me when I come down. So I told her pretty much what you instructed me to say. I’m can’t be friends and it’s not what I want.

This was the last thing I said to her.

I hope you will reconsider. Because I really miss you and would love to just see you. But if not I understand your decision and either way I’ll be heartbroken over it. Love you always. I won’t be texting you anymore because you know I can’t do that, knowing how I feel. I understand you want to be with your “boyfriend” over me because he is such a genuine nice guy and is available to you. It is what it is. I love you dude. Always will. You were never supposed to mean this much to me and I never thought I fall this hard for you, but you know what? I did and that’s the truth. That’s what keeps me holding on and it hurts like hell to let you go. Who knows maybe one day we will find that place where you and I can be together but who knows. Until then I’ll be missing you. If things don’t work out with you and your “boyfriend” you know my number. Goodbye Kt. Love you always

So now I’m just not reaching out to her anymore and I guess that’s that

[Ask April Masini]

Now, you should move on. Play the field. Be interesting. Find some new women to date. 😉

[Amoop182]

That won’t be for a long time. I’m not really interested in dating. The whole experience has me turned off to that part of my life. I need to figure out what to do with these feelings first before involving myself with someone else. Otherwise it’s not fair to the next female I meet

[Ask April Masini]

Then you’ve answered your own question! 😀 Do you for now.

[CarolynCockburn]

I was in a similar situation where I didn’t know it to just give up or plod on in an unhappy relationship. I decided to give my husband one last chance.

[caseyghatchell]

[quote=”April Masini”]You have to decide what you want and then do it. 😉 You got into the break up because you weren’t clear about boundaries with your ex, and you’re floundering in it because you’re not being clear with your new ex. 😕 If you want to date her, then make that the only way you’ll see her. If you don’t, you’re going to stay in this friend zone which isn’t a great place for either one of you to be. And ironically, she can’t really miss you if you’re not gone — so making a stand and moving on is a way to see how important you are to her.

People stay in the friend zone because they think they can leverage it into romance, or because they’re too frightened to let go, so having this type of contact makes them feel safe. But then they write me with the same types of questions you have.

You do have a chance with your ex, but you won’t know what kind of a chance unless you take it — which means making the relationship you have with her a non-friend zone relationship and tell her what you want and when — which is to date her, and be back in a relationship because you’ve made it very clear that you’re not going to see your ex again — now. This is going to be a big shift for you, but I think it’s a healthy one that will serve you.

She may say no and stay with her current boyfriend, and while that’s disappointing and what you’re hedging against by staying in the friend zone, at least you’ll know and be able to move on. Or, she may see a change in your behavior that is important to her, and want to get back together with you and to dump her current boyfriend. I think the risk is worth taking because either way, you’re better off than you are now. 🙂

Let me know what you think and if you have any more questions.[/quote]

Great advice! As expected, I like it.

[Ask April Masini]

Thank you. 🙂

[Ethan Morales]

This is interesting, because April’s advice, while firm, hits some key truths about what’s really happening here. Let me break it down clearly for you, man-to-man.

You’re sitting in a spot that’s part romantic limbo and part emotional comfort zone. You still love Kt that’s obvious. But she’s torn between her current boyfriend and lingering feelings for you. When she says things like, “I think about you more than I should” and sends you nostalgic photos, she’s emotionally cheating even if she’s not physically doing anything. That guilt she mentioned (“it’s not fair to Nick”) is her conscience speaking.

Now, what April nailed is this: right now, you’re playing it safe. You’re staying her emotional safety net, because it keeps you connected. But that’s not a position of power or attraction it’s a stall. And stalls never get you clarity or commitment.

If you want a real shot with her again, you have to stop being the guy she can casually call when she’s missing you. Be the guy who calmly says, “I can’t be your friend while you’re with someone else I care too much for that. If things ever change, you know where to find me.” Then go dark.

That distance forces her to actually feel your absence and that’s what creates clarity. Either she’ll realize she really wants you and comes back, or she’ll move on and you’ll finally have your peace. Both outcomes are wins compared to being stuck halfway.

Don’t chase her while she’s in another relationship. Don’t settle for friendship it just keeps you hurting quietly. Be clear about what you want, then step back completely. If she circles back (and there’s a decent chance she will once that relationship hits turbulence), you’ll be walking in with boundaries, not just feelings.

[Marcus king]

Here’s the thing she still feels you, that’s obvious. But she’s also trying to be loyal to the man she’s with now. That’s why she keeps bouncing back and forth between “I miss you” and “I feel guilty.” She’s in two worlds her heart is with you, but her choices are with him.

When someone does that, the situation is simple:
She wants the emotional safety of you without having to make the hard decision.

If you keep being there on call, she’ll never choose because she doesn’t have to.

So your move is calm and controlled:

Let her know you care, but step back.
Not in anger, not in silence just in self-respect.

[PassionSeeker]

KT isn’t done feeling you that’s clear. Her words, her calls, that photo… those aren’t random nostalgia. They’re emotional reach-outs. But she’s torn. She’s trying to honor the new connection while holding onto the ghost of what you two had.
Right now, she’s feeling guilty for missing you. Guilt means her heart is in two places. And when someone feels that, they’ll often call, then pull away, then come back again because they don’t know how to resolve it.
If you keep giving her emotional warmth every time she reaches out, you soothe her guilt but also keep her from having to decide.
Her mixed signals don’t mean she doesn’t care; they mean she doesn’t know what to do with the care.

[Author]

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