[NightBlade]

I’ve recently started dating this guy who is 2 years younger than me.
I’m 17, and he’s 15.
Now, I don’t normally go for younger guys. In fact, for the past 4 years I have been in love with a man who is 9 years older than me. My current boyfriend knows that fact as well. I do really like him, and I’m not centered on my previous love interest anymore, which is good.

Now, he is my first boyfriend, I will admit. So, I have a few concerns right off the bat.

First off, the age difference: Sometimes I feel weird about it. Sometimes he is incredibly mature, and those are the times when I like him.

Other times I feel like he’s trying too hard to be romantic, or to live up to his role as “boyfriend”. Then he just seems too cheesy and stupid teenagey for me. I am a romantic…just…it doesn’t mean anything if it seems forced.

I don’t know…maybe I’m picky. When he’s talking about his feelings, I like him very much so. But once again, there are those times where it feels like he’s trying too hard. I don’t want him to act fake, or unnatural, or like he feels like he has to try. A natural relationship is better. I kind of hope that he’ll mature as the relationship goes on?

Second off: Subcultural differences. I am a part of, and deeply enjoy being a part of, the Goth subculture. He is NOT a part of that subculture. I’m a bit worried that maybe he won’t understand how important the subculture is to me, and just WHAT it means to me.

It’s who I am and I don’t see that changing. Ever. Period. I’ve loved it since Elementary school, and even when I was younger my mother raised me on Cocteau Twins, Siouxsie and The Banshees, and David Bowie.

Goth MEANS something to me, and I hope he understands that. I want to show him just how much it means to me, but I don’t want to shove the subculture in his face or anything.

But I do know that I would love someone to cuddle up to while listening to Rozz Williams. And he doesn’t seem to respond or understand that music to well.

All I know is that if he ends up having a problem with the Subculture, or tries to get me out of it, this relationship won’t work. I’m not giving up my Bauhaus CDs, my clothes, or anything else.

Third off: I’m not sure how this relationship will turn out, or if it has a future. I often feel like he thinks that we’re going to be together forever and ever, and I can’t promise that. I still hold feelings for that other man, and while I do care for this new relationship, those feelings from before confuse me. I’m trying to get over them.
I’m not sure if I am taking this relationship seriously. This also might have something to do with me not thinking much of teenage relationships in general, but I don’t know. There are a lot of issues here, and maybe we’ll get over them, maybe we won’t. We’ve always gotten along before. But this is a relationship now, or something. It just kind of happened.
Luckily, he understands me wanting to take a very slow approach in this relationship. Very. Slow. Thank god for that. Maybe I’m looking for a bit more mature of a relationship, or a different relationship than he can offer.

My friend seems to think I’m attempting to project my feelings from the previous love onto my boyfriend. And even calling him “boyfriend” feels awkward. I have no idea.
Plus he JUST got out of a relationship (Which he got out of because we both realized that we felt something for each other. I just didn’t know he’d want to jump into a relationship RIGHT off the bat like he did.) so he’s still dealing with THAT. Personality wise, he’s sweet, caring, dorky, over confident (in an adorable sense), and a bit of a show off.

But he’s so nice, gentlemanly, and I do care for him. He makes me giggle like a little girl at times. (When he’s not trying to hard, and I like it when he acts dorky. Dorky is adorable.)We both have some similar interests, such as Doctor Who, comic books, ranting about terribly written novels and/or badly done movies…so on so forth. We both enjoy acting, writing, and singing. I really wish he wouldn’t try so hard. But according to him, he isn’t. I don’t know. And at this point I’m not so sure. I have a tendency to flee from relationships (this is the first that I’ve allowed to start), and he also knows this. He says he’s going to make sure I’m not going to flee. I feel a bit guilty because maybe all those feelings were simply the desire to HAVE feelings for someone else? But I do care for him, and I don’t want to hurt him. He’s been hurt before, and he even broke up with his girlfriend for me. He seems to think it will work just fine, and nothing will go wrong. Is it bad to be pessimistic about that? It’s like I have two different opinions on what I should do about it, and my feelings for him in general. He really does try to make me feel special. Maybe I’m just paranoid.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote] Is it bad to be pessimistic about that? [/quote]

No. It’s not bad to be pessimistic. But you need to mostly be realistic and use the dating process to figure out if this is someone you want to continue investing your time and energy in. If the concerns you have begin materialize into incompatibility, then you can reassess the relationship, but for now, see what there is to enjoy and decide if this is something you want to continue. 😉

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