[infinitelyconfused]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months, were both in are mid-early 20’s and I am a full-time student and work part-time. Boyfriend is currently unemployed but actively seeking. He has been unemployed before we were together so financially I knew what I would have to deal with. Since we have been together he has experience some events that leave him sad and stressed and I try to be there for him through those events. But I’m getting the feeling I need to break up with him because my needs are not being met. Despite the fact that we live on the same street we hardly spend time together so I feel alone even I shouldn’t if I am with him, I feel sad more than I am happy, and I don’t love him but he loves me. When he tells me how he feels about me I have a sense that this is to be true but he never shows it. I’m a girl that needs proof of what you say so I know your not spewing crap out your mouth. I have indirectly voiced my concerns and yet I have not seen him doing anything that caters to my needs. He leaves his parent’s house every weekend to spend time with his cousin, at least that what he says, and he doesn’t have a cell phone so he doesn’t call me frequently. He his [b]not[/b] cruel, intimidating, or abusive but he doesn’t give me an opportunity to go beyond just liking certain qualities in him and he doesn’t make me happy, not that I am depending on him to do that. So would it be selfish to break up with him because he is not focusing on me at all or should I mention my feelings to him to let him know how I feel?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re using the word selfish as a negative. The reality is that relationships work because both people know themselves enough to be able to get enough of their needs met by the other person. Your “self” is a big part of a successful relationship. People who give themselves up usually feel depressed, lost and unhappy — which is what is starting to happen to you. Then their partners are disappointed because they didn’t sign on for a chronically depressed person to be with 😳 and someone breaks up with someone or else the relationship goes into a tailspin until the break up happens. Face it: Does your boyfriend really want a girlfriend who isn’t happy with him? The answer is no.

So be easy on yourself. Taking care of yourself is the first step towards being a good partner.

In your case, the guy you’re dating isn’t a good match for you for a bunch of reasons. It’s important to choose someone who is compatible, and this guy isn’t. Moving on is really the right thing to do for both of you.

I hope this helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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