[Maria323483]

To try and make a long story short (which I won’t be too sucessful at so bear with me) I mett this guy online about an hour away from me, we both took interest in each other, He’s 23 and I’m 18.
We were texting back and forth for about two weeks, then decided to meet up. He had established to me before the meet up, that he wanted this date to be more of like a “hang out” to get to know one another,and establish friendship, because with his crazy college schedule, he was losing sleep texting me, and getting behind on his school work. He even mentioned that a few times, about the really can’t talk thing, and still continued to text me so i didn’t really think much of it. I was originally going to bring my sister with me and do like a double-date sort of thing, but he thought that it implied seriousness, which he really felt awkward about, and my sister bailed on the plan anyways because she had something else to do. So he picked me up at my house, and I went alone, to his house. We were originally going to go out to the movie theatres, but figured since money was short to just watch some movies at his place.

Strange thing about that, we had already “sex chatted” twice before that meet, the first time
we decided to forget about it, the second time we blamed it on hormones. So anyways, I somehow in the back of my head established this idea that, after meeting me he might reconsider the whole (friend thing)…. but I couldn’t be more dead wrong. The car drive there was fun, we listened to music and he talked about the different ones and I found myself doing a bunch of “mhms” and trying really hard to come up with anything to say, it could have been i was just so nervous… or that I didn’t know what to add in. I added in a short sentence like ” yeah this band is really cool!” So we get to his place, he puts on a movie. And then it begins, first we just sat there on the couch, not close or anything, then he got up and sat back down and I found he was even closer to me. I leaned in and he put his arm around me. After I became a little more comfier I layed down and leaned against his chest, his arm settling on my waist. Before the meet we had been talking about like poking each other, and having like this huge poke war. So I started with that. I found myself gazing into his eyes, and he was just like what?, I replied “nothing” but inside my head what I was really thinking was, “holy shit this guy is gorgeous, and those eyes are just captivating me”. Then next… were laying side by side, and then before I know it… im laying on top of him… and the movie fails from that point on. We just sit there looking at each other. Him barely saying a thing… so I think and come up with something quick… to stop the silence.. I think back to me sending him a text telling him that I owed him something for him losing sleep, because I felt bad. I said a kiss. So in that awkward moment I said ” Do I still owe you?” and he replied ” I don’t know, do you?” so then it happened… I leaned in and kissed him, we made out for probably 7 minutes then… the next thing I knew he was leading me into the bedroom, so we could be more cosier and not fall off the couch. The making out continued, and he stopped and asked ” Are you sure about this? I don’t want you to feel used, and we had already established that this probably isn’t a good idea”, He asked me again when I said yes, ” I really don’t want you to walk away hurt from this” and I still insisted it was fine and that I too only see him as a friend. Everything BUT sex occurred. And that was because I said I was on birth control. I made a comment like ” I knew i shouldn’t have stopped taking that”, because I had stopped after my boyfriend broke up with me two months ago. And made a comment like ” No need, its never gonna happen again.” So we get done… I didn’t get off but he did… and he asked me if there was anything else i wanted to do and he could tell I wasn’t interested because of the whole no sex thing. So we laid there awkwardly, then put our clothes back on. And went back out to watch a movie. So it was kinda awkward, until I decided to talk about what had happened. He told me that he wanted to be friends, and could not handle a relationship right now, and he realized that in his lack of sleep, that if it continued he would either flunk out of college or mess up the relationship and he knew that from a past experience. he said that it would only lead into a bad cycle.. and that wouldn’t work either. So I accepted this, and he kept like hiding away from me, whenever I looked at him with a face of dissapointment and seriousness, saying that he felt so awful. I kept telling him that it was fine and we could be friends, and then he noticed I looked away and said that he didn’t believe it. And i just sighed. Another thing he told me was that, he wouldn’t be able to talk the following day because he had some serious school work to catch up on , and that he was going to be booked for the next month and a half. Which meant obviously… no hanging out. I forgot about the dates and all but he explained everything he had to do, I told him i would like to hang out again and he agreed, and said he was glad we could straighten things out. We talked about our exes, life in general, and he explained that it wasn’t his intent either of what happened in the bedroom, that he was trying to avoid kissing and stuff, but I didn’t pick up on that I guess? I also became worried about not being on the pill and having contact with our genitals, because i went a little crazy and tried… even though he didn’t want to… and then he said he really couldn’t and that was when i stopped. I told him i was worried about getting pregnant, because even contact could make that a possibility, he became worried too. And that was awkward. We watched another movie, cuddled once again, did a little bit of the poking thing, then it was time for him to take me home. We jammed out to some music, he sang to it, and we agreed not to worry about the pregnancy thing, and that both the sex thing and that was an awkward part of this “date”.
When we got to my house he gave me a hug, and we both said we had a good time. I didn’t text him the following day, but the day after I did, and it was very short… i asked him what was up, and he said this work, that work, school work, and so the conversation ended quickly. The following day I text again, and the same thing happens, and I get into feeling a little awkward about what happened, and he said everything went fine, and i asked if it was possible to hang out that weekend, and he told me he was going out of town, and once again he was booked for the next month and a half pretty much. I told him I thought it would be a better idea if he just texted me then, because i had been interrupting his school work, and he agreed and said that would be better for now. Stupidly… the next day I send him a text “poke” and he didn’t answer so i added ” (just being a smartass) Enjoying the hot weather? ( its been very hot here). And he still didn’t answer. So i didn’t text at all for the rest of the night. and woke up to find still no answer, so i wait until about 6:00 today, because usually thats around when he’s out of his class and going home, and I say “Hey, what’s up?” I get a text back that says ” I cant talk, I’m still in class!” and… now… I’m not sure where to go from here. I feel awkward.. and intrusive.. but I find myself wanting to just talk to him again, wanting to see him again and keep in touch. I want to wait till later and say I’m sorry. I really need some good advice here, because I like the guy, he told me he wants to be friends. And I still want more.. HELP.

[AskApril Masini]

You’re not going to like what I’m going to tell you, but you need to hear it:

[i][b]You had sex with a stranger you met online, who doesn’t want to see you again.[/b] [/i] 😳

What was you did was dangerous, and you’re very lucky you’re okay. You should never go home with a man you meet online without getting to know him first. And getting to know him means [b]dating[/b] him in person. And having sex with him (and yes, you did have sex) was dangerous, too. You can catch sexually transmitted diseases without having intercourse when you’re both naked, your genitals are touching, and he ejaculates — which is what sounds like you two did.

Emotionally and socially, you’re breaking every rule in the book about getting a man to want you. 😕 You’re chasing him, and he’s running away from you. It wasn’t a date — he didn’t take you out — he picked you up and took you home for sex. You can try to fool yourself, but it’s not in your best interest to do so.

Instead, learn from these mistakes. You’re young and I would hate to see you repeat this or stay in this bad situation. Don’t contact this guy again. 😳

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Maria323483]

Thankyou so much for the insight, I definately see it for what it is now, and it was a dangerous mistake on my part. Thankyou April

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

Everybody makes mistakes. What’s important is to use them to evolve and make your next experience a better one because of the lessons learned. I know you will. 😉

[Member]

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