[Aeria]

I’ve been in a long distance relationship for nearly 5 years. She and I were hopelessly in love and it seemed like nothing could tear us up.

A month ago we were talking over the phone and she was crying about her not knowing if her feeling of romance were there anymore. I asked her what she felt, and she told me she didn’t know. She was confused, she didn’t know what she wanted and maybe needed time to her self. She said is happy with me and I did nothing wrong

2 weeks ago, my girl friend and I broke up. I didn’t want to, nor did she but she thought we should, because she said being in a relationship were only one person has feelings of romance wasn’t right, and I still love her and she says she doesn’t know.

I saw a glimmer of hope one day when she called me up out of the blue to rave about her repetitive dreams of us getting back together when she came to visit this coming summer, telling me that it may be her subliminal desire.

I spoke to her a time ago, we enjoy each others company, she said doesn’t know what she wants, still feels confused and just feels like she needs time to herself. She seemed a little bitter and resentful

What I did manage to get out of her was the distance was the main problem. She told me that after we were together during the summer of 2008 and went back to the long distance, I had to finish school other wise I would have stayed, that things started to go down hill for her.

I THINK it was because after we finally were together, she didn’t want me to go and when I left it hurt her and she’s trying to block out the pain by not feeling anything, but I honestly don’t know

We are still close and best friends who enjoy being around each other, my heart tells me she deep down she still loves me, and she wishes her the romance feelings were there again so we could be together.

I spoke to a freind of her about this multiple times, like 4 or so. Her freind told me “She loves you but is not in love with you. She’s still attaches and is not over you” and even Steph, my ex, said she still needed time to adjust to us being freinds, she even told her freind about the reapeatative dreams she was having about us getting back together again. and whe nher freind said for her to cut contact with me to make the break up esier, she didn’t do it. I also asked if Steph was emotional or did she bottle it all up and her freind told me “She didn’t bottle” so I assume it was emotional, though I don’t know.

Sometime when we talk she seems open and happy and laughs. other times she seems quiet and uncaring. even her freind texted steph on some nights ago because she was worried about her.

I spoke to her again two nights ago. I don’t know if she is still confused or doesn’t know what she wants. what she did say was “I don’t know, all i know is my feeling for you are not what they used to be and I don’t know if they will come back. If we are meant to be, maybe something will happen in the furture, but I don’t think it will be anytime soon.”

^ she says that alot, she always adds in that “maybe we’ll get back together in the furture” I don’t know how many times. almost more then she’s said her feeling weren’t there

I told her I just wanted her to have her space and we didn’t have to try again unless she’s willing. then she said.

“I want you to understand also if I do find another guy here, and I’m not saying I will. but I’m not going to fight my feeling because I’m waiting on my feeling for you to come back. I’m not trying to be harsh just realistic”

^ I can’t tell if she’s trying to say she’s waiting on her feeling to return or what in that passage

now I did make thr mistake of asking her if maybe in the future she’d like to try dating again to see if anything happens. she basically gave me a two part response.

“I really don’t know, it’s too soon honestly” “I just don’t see the point in trying to recreate something that is gone”

then I asked her why she told me about her repeatative dream and I got this “I guess ididn’t think about it, I rarely look at my dreams as a sign of a furutre event”

^ what I want to know is, why did she tell me about it at all?

so thats all my info at this point. we’ve been broken up for a month now.

I did read that Dr jogn gray guy say that “when stress comes on, the feeling of being in love can seem to be lost” and another persson said “I don’t think she lost her feeling, just displaced then to block out the pain of you not being there in person” which is what said kinda said when speaking to me.

so many people have so many different ways they think about this I don’t know really. I mean I could sense a few times when she asked me “do things seem different to you” that she might be considering a break up. I can kinda sense things with her about this, and for some odd reason I get this feeling deep in my gut that she’s still in love, just doesn’t notice it, and we’ll be together again. and i’m not a feeler type person I’m a realisit.

also, if i didn’t mention it, she seems to be bounceing up and down with her demonor. one moment we’re laughing and having fun atleast thats what it seems like and the next she just wants to be alone and is quiet.

I basiclly know the worst case situation. what ever I hear i will here so just hit me with it

[AskApril Masini]

You’re spending a lot of time talking about feelings. I would encourage you to consider actions instead. There’s an old saying that actions speak louder than words, and I really subscribe to that tenet.

Whether or not your girlfriend has lost her feelings of love (and yes, those feelings come and go in any normal relationship), her commitment to you seems to be gone. People who are committed to each other in a relationship or a marriage, allow their feelings to ebb and flow but stay committed to their partner in their relationship. Your girlfriend is finished with the relationship. She’s out.

You don’t want to accept that, so you’re clinging to anything that sounds like a shred of reconciliation, but I’m not hearing anything as substantial. Breaking up is hard to do for most people, and your girlfriend is no exception. By teasing you with her feelings, she’s giving you shreds of false hope.

My suggestion is to move on. It’s the only way you’ll know if she really wants to be back with you or not. If you continue to talk to her, entertain a reconciliation and mull all this over with her friends, you’re keeping a dead relationship festering. If you cut off from her, and start dating on your own, only then will both of you know what it’s like to be without one another. At that point she may realize she doesn’t want to be broken up, or she may move on, and you may realize that there are women out there who satisfy you in every way, and with whom you want to pursue a relationship.

I hope that helps.

[Member]

Posts