Around my sophomore year in college, I met a guy online – cute, single, decent/good job, seemed to care about me. I had broken up with my first *real* boyfriend the year before and hadn’t been out with anybody since, so I thought that this could be my shot to take what I learned there and really become a good boyfriend. Unfortunately, I ended things after a short time over his apathy/disinterest toward talking to me (he played a video game that took up a lot of his time/attention) and lack of any intention of taking our relationship into the real world.
About a year, year and a half later, he got back into contact with me promising change. I was lonely, I believed him, and I decided to give things another go. Rather than apathy, he had a temper that made many a conversation quite uncomfortable, resulting in a final round of texting where he said extremely hurtful things to me and I, again, ended things.
A few months ago (and three or so years after our last contact), he decides to e-mail me. Part of me was glad to hear from him because it had been a while and I missed the good parts of him. Combine that with a loneliness from years without a relationship and we begin to correspond. He promises that he’s changed (again), tells me that he wants me to come live with him (four hours away) and that he’s tired of dating/wants to settle down. He tells me he loves me, we dream together of what life’ll be like when we can physically be around one another.
The thing is, he’s very uncommunicative toward me. I have to all but interrogate him in order to get him talking to me and even then, it’s a few words here, a sentence or two there. And then 20 minutes before he’ll say anything to me again, once more transfixed on his game/everything else but me. I don’t mind him playing the game nor do I need him to spend every minute of his time in the evening talking to me, but there’s such a distance between us emotionally that I don’t know we can close. He doesn’t seem to think that there’s a problem, but the online time in the evening is our only bit of communication for the day (no e-mails, no phone call) and for me to be able to be comfortable moving that far away from home, I have to feel like I’ll have something solid to lean on once I make the move.
And right now, I think that if I were to move in with him, I’d be out on my butt in a week and stuck in a city that I don’t know a soul.
Here are my questions:
1. Is there any way to open up the lines of communication and get him to put a little more focus on me/us now and then? If so, how?
2. How can I improve my own communication, both regarding him and in general?
3. If things don’t get any better, would moving in with him help to cut off the communication problem? Or would it only highlight how alone I feel in the relationship?
4. Do I need to let him go once and for all and try to find someone that I have more of a rapport with?
Thank you so much for any advice and insight! Love the forum!
