[Stryfebob]

I was introduced to a girl through some mutual friends and we got introduced over email ( I know this sounds strange but let me finish) we both were a bit skeptical at first but decided to give it a shot in getting to know each other better.

We used to reply to each other slowly and then not worry for four or five days as we both had lives and things to do. Back in September 2012 I decided to pay her a visit for a week and we spent more time in getting to know each other and we really clicked. I promised to come back the following month. In October I went back to see her and she’s in another country for the record and we realized we were getting closer. There was no physical intimacy but we could feel there is some chemistry. After that visit I told her I’d come again because I’d be changing jobs in January and I couldn’t really take more time off till I finished my probation which is typically 3 months here.

She was fine with that then and we kept in touch through emails, phone calls, video chatting etc. My notice period from my job got extended till end of Jan and I couldn’t start work till Feb so I told her this and there wasn’t much else I could do as I couldn’t visit her as my work visa was being transferred.

During this time we spoke quite a bit about our futures and what we were expecting. She didn’t want to call what we had a relationship and I was a bit annoyed but I understood her point since we were so far away. She recently told me that she’s planning on moving away to the US in May to finish her studies which I can completely understand but she wants a commitment about our relationship prior to moving. I told her my probation doesn’t end till the first week of May and that is the earliest I can fly out to see her but I can’t give her a marriage proposal without spending any real time together. She was like if I’m important to you why don’t you quit your job and look for something else later because you can’t always keep putting your job first.

This completely took me back and I’ve not spoken to her for the last five days because I told her I need some time to think this over as I had never even considered this as an option. I usually like taking my time when making decisions and she usually expects them to be made quickly after thinking them out clearly.

I’d never consider quitting my job for a relationship and during the last couple of days I actually considered it but came to my senses and I don’t think I can make this work if someone could ask me that. How do you tell someone who is that far away how things won’t work out because you just have different goals and objectives in life.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]How do you tell someone who is that far away how things won’t work out because you just have different goals and objectives in life.[/quote]

The best thing to do is to be straightforward. Tell her what your priorities are at this time, and reiterate that you’re not really sure where this is going to go, and how an engagement is really off your radar at this point because you haven’t spent that much time together in order for you to even know if you want to marry her. Also let her know that you understand her point of view, and while it’s not yours, it sounds like she needs a commitment right now that you can’t consider.

What’s not said is that she’s probably better off with someone else if she needs the kind of control and security in a relationship that usually comes with an in-town relationship much further down the line. Long distance relationships aren’t for everyone. They’re tough! If she decides to go with the flow, then there’s some more time to get to know each other, but I doubt, from what you’ve written, that she’s going to be that loose about things.

Let me know how it all goes, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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