[Anonymous]

Hi April:
Sex with my boyfriend leaves me frustrated and miserable. He isn’t big on foreplay but this I don’t mind because I like sex and get turned on very quickly. The problem is that 8 out of 10 times he orgasms and I don’t. I tried talking to him about it letting him know that sex isnt just for him to enjoy and just as he likes to cum so do I. When I point out to him after sex that i did not cum he acts surprised or puzzled to hear this but does nothing about it. In fact once when I told him I did not come he told me i was lying. I tried show and tell in and out of bed. I have talked to him to figure out if maybe its me but he claims not. And when I initiate sex its even worst because he get over-excited and before I can sneeze its over with him smiling like the cat that got the rat and me unfulfilled once again. And no he is not a teenager we are both 37. The thing is April sometimes we would have sex and it would be fantastic like a 12 out of 10 so I know he can do better. My behaviour when am enjoying sex is totally different from when am not but he either isn’t in tune to this or doesn’t care. More than once I stopped the sex act and told him how I was feeling but right now I feel like stopping the sex act with him altogether. He has on occassion made an effort to do things differently when I express my disappointment but this doesn’t last for very long. I was celibate by choice for 5 years before him and right now celibacy is looking mighty appealing compared to the thought of sex with him. Help!! A1

[April Masini, your AskApril]

When men are stingy in bed, they’re usually stingy outside of bed. Because he’s 37 and old enough to be able to exercise some self control and some genuine interest in your pleasure, and he’s not, I think you may have a deal breaker here. Since you’ve discussed this with him, played show and tell, and he still doesn’t want to change his behavior — or at least it doesn’t seem like he does from what you’ve written, I think you have to consider the fact that you’re not with someone who’s going to be generous with you. You’re approaching your sexual peak in your life and sex is going to become more important to you, so if the two of you are not compatible here, and you haven’t been dating long enough to be invested in the relationship, it’s time to move on.

Sorry. I hope that helps.

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