[Anonymous]

hey april i kind of have a general question. i’ve been in a rut since, oh maybe 7th grade. i can’t meet a guy if my life depended on it. i never get approached by guys when i’m out with my friends from college. granted 99% of the time they’re all guys, but we travel in a pack, so it doesn’t look like i’m dating any of them. plus you’d think a girl who digs football and beer could be catch. i mean, i get that i’m probably not the best looking girl out there and so maybe that’s it, and i’m pretty painfully shy…when i’m not drinking. after i’ve had a few i’m like the lion who just got his courage and i have no problem talking to guys. i never really thought about it but i went out with my roommate and she pointed out a guy she wanted me to talk to and i couldn’t do it until i put back a few. turned out this guy was pretty cool. i started thinking about it, and i realized i can only talk to guys after i’ve been drinking. and i don’t know if it makes it easier for me to deal with the inevitable rejection or if i makes it easier to ignore my shortcomings, but it shouldn’t be like that, and i don’t want it to.

now i don’t think i have a problem with alcohol — i’m at that post-college age where going out to party dramatically fell from five to one night a week. plus i don’t black out or wake up in strange places (minus the time in my bathtub with my comforter and a giant bag of mexican food), i know my limit, and even if i know i exceeded it, i would never think of getting behind the wheel. god bless taxis. it’s not like this is regular behavior for me when i go out, but it does happen. plus i kind of worry my shyness and lack of confidence will get worse, and i don’t want that to contribute to me participating in harmful behavior. plus it would be nice to get some attention from the opposite sex and not have to think about him as the “cute guy from the bar” but rather, his actual name.

i know part of the reason i don’t get approached is because my lack of self confidence reeks like bad cologne, and that, combined with my average looks, isn’t a winning duo, but how do i fix that so i can talk to a guy before i’m six beers deep? or if it’s broken beyond repair how do i at least fake it?

thanks for your advice!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, most women who get the guy are not Cindy Crawford look a likes. They are women with what you describe as average looks, like yourself. What they do have is self confidence and an air of fun about them. And as they become more experienced, they have a mystique and a charm about them, that trumps any hour glass figure, blonde bombshell or incredible body in a bikini. So stop blaming your lack of dates on your looks, and let’s focus you on what you can do differently to change your social life for the better.

If you’re already hanging out with lots of guys, and you’ve got a love and knowledge of football and other sports, make sure you don’t LOOK like one of the guys. Do amp up your femininity and sexuality by dressing beautifully, having great grooming habits, smelling very much like a woman (and not a guy or a beer!) and I bet you’ll turn a few heads among the guys you already hang out with. They’re used to seeing you as one of the guys, and you have to change the way they see you by changing the way you look! Even starting from the inside out, by wearing sexy lingerie, so you feel feminine and sexy, will change the way you walk, sit, smile and talk to men. So dial up your looks by giving yourself every advantage to enhance your already god given assets!

Next, don’t worry about talking to guys — instead work on flirting with them by smiling, giving them the coy eye 😎 , and by giving them something to look at when they think you don’t know they’re looking at them. Body language is a huge communication tool that doesn’t require a single word!

My book, Think & Date Like A Man, that you can purchase for $15.95 and download here, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], will give you a lot more advice and specific tips in this milleau. I really recommend you get it and read it — it’s going to help you a lot. There are all kinds of pieces of information about what you can convey with your body, without uttering a single word — and that is EXACTLY what you need right now.

It sounds like you’re drinking as a crutch to help you around your confidence issues, but if you try these tips and you find that men start approaching you and starting the conversations with you (so you don’t have to), you may find you don’t need as much liquid courage as you have in the past.

Let me know if this works.

[Member]

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