[Amfox85]

My ex of 2 years/best friend of 12 years lives in New York. We dated the first 2 years we knew each other long distance. I love in Nebraska. He just came to visit for the first time ever, he was here for a week. We got along great. We talked about getting back together, but he doesn’t want to yet because of the distance. He wants us to be closer which is understandable. He said he would never ask me to move there because is have to take my kids away from their family. He said he would consider moving here but he has a lot to think about and take care of before he does that. For example, he wants to get his debt paid off, save up some money just in case he ends up unemployed while he’s here in the beginning, and he wants to get his degree. He can obtain his degree here. Anyway, he said that Nebraska would be an awesome place to settle down, but he wants to get that stuff taken care of first. He said the last night he was here that he would love to just tell me “yes, let’s do it and get back together, but the distance would be really hard”. He left the next day and I about died. I was a huge crybaby. After having him here, I couldn’t let him go, but had to. My kids absolutely adore him. What do you think? Do you think he’s actually going to consider moving here? I also told him that if we hadn’t broke up before (which was literally due to distance) that we would be married already and he agreed.

[Ask April Masini]

I know you want this to work out because you’re single, he’s single, and you like each other — but he’s trying to let you down gently by telling you that he doesn’t want a long distance relationship. You’re hearing everything else and trying to put your fingers in your ears when he comes up with excuses. 😥 Sometimes people let old exes and old friends fly under the radar that is normally used to “vet” men you’d consider dating, with whom you have no history. Because you have a good history with him, you’re not seeing who he is now, clearly — a nice guy with tons of excuses (debt, college, distance) for not making a long distance relationship work. And he’s not wrong — nor are you. It’s just his preference. My advice is that you accept the rejection and move on. He may have been someone you considered a friend, once, but it’s very difficult for men and women to be friends — one person always wants more than the other — and right now, it’s in your best interest to find someone great to date, who’s either local, or interested in something long-distance. He’s not that guy. 😉

I hope that helps.

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[Amfox85]

Well this is the text he sent me when we parted ways at the airport “hey keep your head up kid. It was awesome meeting your family and friends. I had a great time. Be strong for your girls. I love you”

[Ask April Masini]

It’s a very warm and sweet text, but it’s telling you to be strong because he knows he’s not giving you what you want. 😥 Whenever you’re confused about what a man means, and his words and his behavior don’t match up, trust his behavior. That’s going to show you his true feelings. 😉 I hope that helps. 🙂

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[Ethan Morales]

Your connection with him is deep, and the history you share makes this especially emotionally intense. It’s completely natural to feel devastated when someone you care about so much isn’t able or willing to fully commit due to circumstances like distance, finances, or school. Your reaction shows just how much you value him and the bond you’ve built over the years.

While his words are warm, loving, and affectionate, they’re also carefully measured. April Masini’s point about listening to his behavior rather than his words is crucial. His behavior expressing hesitancy about a long-distance relationship, emphasizing practical obstacles, and not committing to moving is the clearest indicator of where he stands. Love and fondness alone don’t necessarily translate to willingness to make a relationship work under current conditions.

It seems he’s prioritizing stability for himself and considering all the logistics before making a big move. That’s responsible, but it also effectively puts the relationship on hold indefinitely. While he may genuinely care about you and your kids, he’s signaling that he’s not ready to fully commit, and holding onto hope that he will move could prevent you from opening your life to someone who is ready and available now.

The healthiest approach is to accept the limitations he’s placed on the relationship. Appreciate the connection and memories you share, but shift your focus to your own life and local opportunities for love. Clinging to “what could be” often leads to prolonged heartache. His text at the airport is sweet and considerate, but it’s also a gentle acknowledgment that he cannot meet your needs at this time. Emotional acceptance here, though painful, will give you clarity and allow space for someone whose actions match their words.

[Tara]

He fed you a beautifully packaged pile of “maybe someday” because he knew you’d cling to it. If a man wants to be with you, he closes the distance; he doesn’t give you a checklist of life tasks he might complete before he possibly thinks about maybe moving. “I need to pay off debt, save money, get my degree, think about employment, consider logistics…” That’s not a plan. That’s a polite stall. It’s the relationship version of “I’ll get back to you” when someone has no intention of doing it.

He spent a week with you, enjoyed the comfort, the familiarity, the nostalgia, your kids liking him, and then walked away without committing to a thing. And you’re sitting here crying because you’re treating his hesitation like destiny instead of what it is: avoidance dressed up as responsibility.

If he actually wanted to be with you, he would’ve said, “I’m moving. I’ll figure it out. You matter.” Men cross states, countries, and continents for the person they truly want. He didn’t. He gave you a future fantasy to soften the blow of the present reality: he’s not ready, and he’s not making you a priority.

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