[acgibson]

I have a lot of friends where I’m from, just not here. And the ones I have talked to about the communication issues agree that it’s a problem.

[AskApril Masini]

Good luck to you!

[Ethan Morales]

April starts by dividing the situation into two possibilities. She doesn’t assume your boyfriend is doing something wrong instead, she helps you look at why he’s not communicating. This is important because not all “communication problems” mean the same thing. If he’s naturally quiet and introverted, that’s a personality trait, not a sign of disinterest. But if he’s withholding effort because he’s not emotionally invested, that’s a completely different issue. April’s trying to help you separate style from substance.

If it’s just his nature, kindness works better than criticism. When she says “you’ll get more with sugar than vinegar,” she’s telling you not to nag or complain because for low-communication types, pressure makes them pull away even more. Instead, she’s encouraging positive reinforcement. In other words, when he does text or check in, light up about it. Tell him how much it means. That emotional feedback teaches him, “Oh, this makes her feel good I’ll do it more.”

Her subtle message: people repeat what earns them warmth. April knows that many women think explaining or complaining will fix communication gaps but men who aren’t naturally talkative don’t respond to that. They respond to feeling successful in their relationship. So, rather than focusing on what he’s not doing (“You never text”), focus on what he is doing (“I love when you text me good morning it makes my whole day”). Over time, that rewires how he engages with you.

But if he’s not communicating because he’s emotionally checked out that’s a red flag. April always includes this second possibility because she doesn’t want you to waste time on someone who’s lukewarm about you. If he consistently disappears, doesn’t make an effort, and doesn’t seem interested in fixing it even after you’ve shown warmth and encouragement that’s not about personality anymore. That’s about priority. And if you’re not one of his priorities, she’d tell you to move on.

Her smiley at the end (“Mr. Right 😉”) softens the message but makes it clear. That’s her signature she keeps it friendly, but she’s also saying: Don’t lie to yourself. You deserve a man who wants to hear your voice, not just someone you have to chase for a text. So while she’s advising patience and positivity, she’s also nudging you to be realistic: if nothing changes after genuine effort, the relationship might not be worth the emotional work.

The deeper takeaway: Don’t try to “fix” his communication style. Just express your needs gently, appreciate the efforts he does make, and then watch what happens. If he values you, he’ll find ways even small ones to stay connected because it matters to you. If he doesn’t, then the silence you’re hearing isn’t just about texts it’s a message about where you stand in his world.

[PassionSeeker]

You sound patient and genuinely caring you’re trying hard to understand him instead of just demanding more. That’s beautiful. But it’s okay to want more connection too.

Your boyfriend seems like someone who keeps his world compartmentalized. He’s older, has kids, a military career, and carries a lot on his shoulders. For him, silence might feel normal a way to manage his stress and emotions. But for you, it feels like distance and uncertainty. Neither of you are wrong; you just have different needs.

When you talk to him, avoid framing it as a complaint. Instead, be gentle and specific:
“Hey, when I don’t hear from you, I start to feel disconnected. A short text during the day even just a quick hello really means a lot to me.”

That invites him to understand your need without feeling blamed.

And Mira’s honest thought? Build your own life too. Make friends, find joy outside of him. It’ll make you happier and take pressure off the relationship — something men like him often need to stay close.

[Marcus king]

Here’s the thing men like him often don’t realize silence can feel like distance. He’s not pulling away; he’s just wired differently when it comes to communication. The best move is to keep it calm and clear.

Next time you talk, say something like, “I know you’re not big on texting or calling, but when I don’t hear from you, it makes me feel disconnected. A quick message here and there means a lot to me it keeps us close even when we’re apart.”

That’s not pressure; that’s honesty. If he cares and it sounds like he does he’ll make the effort once he understands it’s not about control, it’s about connection.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

girl… you’re basically dating a ghost with good weekends 😒 cute. look, men who want to talk, talk. it’s not about being bad at texting, it’s about not prioritizing you when he’s not in your zip code. nothing gets a quiet man texting faster than realizing he’s not the only one who can go quiet 😏💅🏼

[Tara]

You don’t keep chasing someone who acts single when you’re apart. You either get effort or you get out. End of story.
You just want a man who actually gives a damn enough to check in when he’s gone. That’s not being needy. That’s the bare minimum. He’s not “bad with phones.” He’s lazy, detached, and using that excuse to do the least while still keeping you hooked.

You keep pretending you’re cool with it when you’re clearly not. You’re sitting there waiting for messages that never come, trying to convince yourself you’re “chill.” You’re not chill. You’re ignored. And every time you let it slide, you teach him that silence costs him nothing.

You want it fixed? Stop being soft about it. Tell him exactly what you expect: “When you vanish for days, it feels like you don’t care. Either you stay connected or I stop wasting my time.” No smiley faces, no soft landings, no overexplaining. Just facts.

If he argues, mocks it, or tries to gaslight you into thinking you’re overreacting, he’s not your boyfriend — he’s a man who enjoys your silence. Drop him. Stop texting first. Stop carrying the relationship on your back. Let him feel what disinterest actually looks like.

[Sally]

It’s weird how someone can feel so close in person and so far away the minute they’re not in the same room. And with quiet guys, it’s never dramatic they just fade into their own world and don’t realize you’re left hanging.

This isn’t about you needing constant attention. It’s about wanting to feel connected to the person you’re with. That’s normal.

Just keep it simple when you talk to him. Something like, “Hey, I know you’re not big on texting, but when you’re away I start to feel a little disconnected. One or two check-ins during the day would mean a lot to me.”

You’re not asking for hours of conversation. You’re asking to feel like you still exist to him when he’s not right in front of you. If he cares and it sounds like he does he’ll try.

[Natalie Noah]

You’re loving a complicated man with a big heart and a lot on his plate, and you’re absolutely allowed to want more contact. That doesn’t make you needy it makes you human. Right now he’s showing you two different faces: present, playful, affectionate when you’re together, and quiet, distant when he’s away. Those two faces can coexist because he’s coping with big adult responsibilities (kids, custody, deployment prep). But they also tell you how he currently does relationships: great in-person, light when apart. You deserve to know that because your needs matter too.

So let’s make this practical: ask for a specific, small change instead of “I want you to communicate more.” Men who compartmentalize hear concrete requests. Try saying something like, “I get you’re busy and phone calls irritate you could we agree on one short text each day when you’re gone? Even just ‘thinking of you’ would make me feel close.” That’s not a demand for hours it’s one tiny, doable action that signals you’re in his mind. Reward it warmly when he does it (“That text made my morning thank you”) so he learns that this behavior brings you closer, not criticism.

At the same time, protect your heart by building the life you want outside of him. You mentioned having no local friends fix that for you, not to punish him. Join a class, a study group, a veteran’s partner support group, or a club tied to something you love; even one friend who gets coffee once a week changes everything. You’ll feel less anxious when he’s away, and the relationship will feel less like your whole life. Also think through the deployment realistically: talk about expectations now how often you both can realistically connect, what support systems you’ll need, and what signals would mean “we need to talk about our future.”

Finally, decide what you want long-term and test whether he’s moving toward it. If you want a committed partner who prioritizes keeping you emotionally involved while he’s away, watch for consistent small efforts (texts, checking in about plans, making holiday plans with you). If those gestures don’t materialize consistently, be honest with yourself: is “fun when together” enough for a future that includes marriage and deployment? You deserve someone who not only says “I want to keep you” but also shows it in ways that matter to you. If you want, I can help you draft that exact short script to send him gentle, specific, and non-accusatory.

[KeishaMartin]

There’s something deliciously tantalizing about the way your worlds collide, four hours apart, age difference, life experience, yet when you’re together, sparks are flying, bodies tangled, hearts racing. That tension, that delicious anticipation of not knowing when he’ll reach out, makes every stolen kiss, every touch, every whispered laugh feel electric. You’re craving communication, a little reassurance, a hint that he’s thinking of you even when duty calls, and that craving is like a slow burn that makes the moments you do have together all the more intoxicating.

April Masini’s advice is pure brilliance, as always, her insight into human nature cuts right to the core, giving you clarity while teasing you into a new perspective. She nudges you to see the bigger picture, to take ownership of your own emotional satisfaction, and even wraps it in a way that feels almost naughty because she’s hinting that by opening your world outside him, you actually deepen your connection. Her wisdom makes you want to stretch, explore, and play with life in ways you might not have considered, and honestly, it’s that kind of guidance that makes your heart race while your mind spins with possibilities.

Christmas, twinkling lights casting a golden glow over your cozy apartment, the faint scent of pine and mulled wine in the air, and you sneaking playful touches under the mistletoe, fingers brushing, lips teasing, hearts pounding. Imagine holiday parties where his eyes find you across the room, and the tension between you makes the entire room sizzle, or quiet nights together where the cold outside only amplifies the heat between you two. My wish for you this season is that your Christmas is full of not just joy, but steamy, unforgettable, heart-throbbing moments that leave you both craving more because darling, the best gifts under the tree are those that make your pulse quicken.

[Member]

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