[Patrick495]

Hello, my name is Patrick, I am 17 years old and currently a Senior in high school. I am looking for some advice about my long distance relationship. Before I get to my questions, I’ll give you a bit of our story.

I first met Ciara in the 2nd or 3rd grade and we were very close friends until she had to move in 7th grade, because the plant in Michigan that her mother and stepfather were employed had closed. She moved to Connecticut and we lost touch for nearly 4 years. January of last year I tagged her in an old 3rd grade class photo and we began talking. After talking every day for close to 7 months, she was back in Michigan visiting her family for the holiday and after all those years we met again for a date =D. After that, knowing the difficulties, we decided we would try our hand at having a long distance relationship. I didn’t see her again until August. After 4 months of hardly seeing each other, she told me she was having a hard time dealing with the distance, and wanted to take a break. We talked it through and I told her I’d do anything I had to do to make it easier for her while we were away. Later, In December, I met Ciara, her mother, grandparents, and 3 younger siblings for dinner, and again the following day we spent the day together. The last time I saw her was spending the New Year with her and her father and stepmother. In over a year, I’ve only seen her on 5 occasions =(.. And that brings us to now.

Last night, after not hearing from her for 3 days, she called me and again told me she was having a hard time with the distance, that she didn’t think she could keep going much longer, and to prepare myself to go our separate ways. She was concerned that we wouldn’t see each other again until this summer, and even then it would be at least another year before we could be closer. After talking further she said she needed some time.

Despite the distance, in the year of our involvement she has become such a big part of my life, I love her more than I know how to say. To quit cold turkey like this is going to be extremely difficult for me, it was hard enough to go the 3 days without hearing from her. We have spoke about being together in Michigan after she spent a year at college in Connecticut.

So my questions are:
-Is it best to go our separate ways for now, and wait for when she can be closer? Or to keep trying to make things work until then?
-If trying to make it work is best, what could I do to make her feel better about the situation for the time being?

I feel that giving this up wouldn’t get rid of our feelings for one another, we’ll still miss each other. We’ll still be reminded of each other, what could have been, or could be. All the reservations about the relationship will still be there. The distance isn’t easy on me either, but it isn’t enough to make me give this up, she means too much to me.

-Loving at a distance is better than not at all; isn’t it?

[img]https://i473.photobucket.com/albums/rr92/pingpongmury/17236_297650710855_657915855_5042673_6866075_n.jpg[/img]
3rd grade, 2001

[img]https://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/hs866.snc4/70760_657915855_784394_n.jpg[/img]
New Years Eve 2010

[AskApril Masini]

Your photos are lovely — thank you for sharing them!! 😀

Sadly, I think she’s right that it’s better for you to go your separate ways while you are still so fond of each other, allowing the reason for the break up to be distance. If you try to make a long distance relationship work when she’s asked twice to break it off because it’s too hard for her, you’re going to end up fighting and have an ugly ending.

Ironically, it’s harder to break up when you’re both on good terms. A fight is always an easier way to walk away from someone, but I’m encouraging you to do the harder thing because there is a chance you’ll find each other again in a year or two or three when you’re more independent and adults, and it may be a lot easier to reconnect at that time if you’ve left things on a sweet, if sad, note.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

And please follow me @AskAprilcom (no dot) on Twitter.

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