[lolamontezrocks]

3 years ago I reunited with my high school sweetheart. Since reconnecting I have flown to Florida to visit him twice (with a third visit coming in a month). We live cross country from each other. Previous 2 visits I stayed in a hotel, and no sexual contact occurred (just a lot of flirting). The upcoming visit I am staying at his home. He texts me almost every night, and then we instant message for hours. In the past he has called me his soulmate, and commented how well we compliment each other. His parents are very elderly and his children (ages 19 & 17) are very demanding of him, even though they live with their mom. So I understand his time commitments to his family, and that is why I will have a rental car. All of a sudden he is telling me that he isn’t sure how much time we will actually have together during my visit. It feels like maybe he is kind of getting scared of my visit, trying to keep me at arms length. I have no intention of pursuing a relationship just wanna have some fun. Please advise on how I should proceed, I am so confused! (As a side note, I do love him, have never forgotten him he is the one that got away).

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your confusion comes from not paying attention to his behavior and not wanting to see the truth. 😳 I know you feel that he’s a long lost love and the one that got away — but he doesn’t feel that way about you. In fact, when a man’s words and behavior don’t match up, trust his behavior. The reality is that he hasn’t flown to see you once. 😮 He hasn’t made sexual advances in three years. And he isn’t showing behavior that indicates that he feels like you’re someone he’s really into. Words are one thing, but behavior is what counts. 😉

Bottom line: He’s not that into you. 🙁

You’re both in your 50s, and in three years you’ve only had two in person dates — both with you flying to see him, and paying for your own hotel room. And there’s been no sexual contact. I’m guessing no making out or kissing, either. Now, you’re about to fly to see him for a third visit in which you’re planning to stay at his house, and he’s backing out. 😥 He doesn’t want to have this visit in his house, if at all. Instead of seeing this clearly, you’re trying to be confused because that way you don’t have to accept rejection. But that’s just a way to put off the inevitable. I know this is going to hurt, and I’m sorry for the pain you’ll feel, but by acting confused, you’re just delaying the pain. Time to focus on the reality of the situation!

My advice is to not continue to chase him by flying to see him — and instead, to give him the opportunity to come after you. 😉 If he does, you’ll know he wants a relationship that’s beyond long distance talking and texting. If he doesn’t, then you have to understand that this is all he wants, and he may very well be dating someone in his home town. 😕

I hope that helps. Sorry it isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s best to understand the truth.

[Nick Roy]

You’re lying to yourself if you say you’re just looking for ‘fun.’ The moment you wrote that “he’s the one” that got away’ and that you love him, the fun ended, and real emotions took over. When your heart is actually on the line, even a little bit of coldness from a man feels like poison.
To get your self-respect back, instead of Florida, book a ticket to a place where you can truly relax, not to someone’s house where you are being treated with disrespect, even for being a guest.
And you should follow Ask April’s advice to stop chasing him anymore. If he really cares, he’ll come to you.

[Member]

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