[nifty]

Hi!

To jump right in, I’ve been seeing this guy in and off for over 3 years. He’s 21 and I’m 20. We initially met in high school and dated about six months, and hit a rough patch in which he asked for a break. Openly, in which we could see other people on this break. Well, I had gotten drunk (lost my phone), and made out with a mutual friend at a party. At that time, he had tried to contact me via text to come talk about our relationship. Well, once he cfoun out that I had kissed a mutual friend, he was uninterested and did not speak to me for a month or two. At that time, I had already started seeing other people, as he had aswell. He initiated us hanging out and we did. We both disrespected our current relationships and continued to hook up for about a year. We used term of endearment whenever talking to the other, said “I love you” and planned on being together. Although at the time we both lived with family, who had considered my kissing the mutual friend as cheating on him, so we were no longer able to bring the other around houses and had to sneak to see the other.

About 2 years ago he joined the Navy. We talked throughout his bootcamp and schooling for the first year and although we both had committed relationships at the time, still used terms of endearment and said “I love you”. No matter the distance or who we were with, we always managed to end up talking to eachother. I spent a year dating another guy while still talking to him, and finally gave up on being with him, and tried to focus on my current relationship. He was always on the back of my mind. After another year, I finally kicked the guy I was dating to the curb for multiple reasons.

After my breakup with the guy I was with for about two years, my mother talked me into finding out how “he” was doing, since it was a year without talking for us, and she figured if anything was supposed to be of us ever, then now was a good time to find out. I added him on a social networking site and left it to be. If he added me, I planned to talk to him, if not, it was no loss. Well, the next morning I woke up to a accepted request, and a message from him saying “hey. How’re you?” And from there, we started catching up.

We ended up texting that whole day, and making plans to see eachother that night and catch up more. And we did. He visited me at my apartment, and we just talked and had a wonderful time. As if we never stopped talking. He kissed me and it had the same spark as it did when we first met. I found out he got stationed at a naval base about an hour from our hometown, and since he’s so close to home, he still lives there.

And here is where the problem begins, his parents hate me, and even as a 21 year old man, his father keeps him under lock and key when he’s home. And when he does get chances to stop and see me when he’s on his way home, he’s always tired from work and doesnt stay long. And I only see him maybe once every week. If not, once every two. We’ve taken our relationship to an intimate level now, and text daily. He calls me baby, hun, and everything under the sun, as well as told me he loves me in his last visit. He even planned an elaborate surprise visit to my house after telling me he was leaving for a month on the ship.

He gets jealous over other men, and expects that I don’t see other men. He’s told me that he isn’t seeing anyone else, and that I’m the only one he’s intimate with. And that he wants to spend more time with me and he wants to be with me. But my issue is, I want a commitment from him. I want to have him say we are exclusively dating and “boyfriend & girlfriend”. But he says that can’t happen until he moves out from his family’s house. Which wouldn’t be until he reaches his next pay raise (If he passes a test in March, he’d get the raise in April.), or when he has his 4 years in and can get housing pay from the Navy (Another year and a half). The thing is, I love this guy, and want nothing more than to be with him, but I’m unsure if its realistic to wait for him to get housing pay to do so. Should I give him the benefit of the doubt and stick around and hope he’ll decide to commit before that, or should I cut my losses and walk away from the man that makes me happy?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like he’s asking you to wait until April when he gets a pay raise, which is only three months away. Since you’ve been off and on for three years, and most recently, on, and you are in love with him, and it sounds like he loves you, too, I think three months isn’t really a big deal. So wait and see, and if he doesn’t give you the commitment you’re looking for in three months, at that time, you can move on.

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1[/url].

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