[Anonymous]

Hello,
I have a rather confusing and complicated situation and am feeling lost and hopeless. I starting dating my boyfriend about a year 1/2 ago, however he is not who I am inquiring about. It’s my ex. My current boyfriend (let’s called him Matt) treated me like dirt for a long time and was very cold in public, though at home he acted as if he really liked me. When I decided to end things permanently I fell for his best friend. I know that sounds terrible but (let’s call him Brenton) was very kind, funny, loving and witnessed Matt treat me like absolute dirt. You see, Matt was still in love with his long time girlfriend and was only occupying his time with me while he still sent her love notes, texts, calls, etc. Brenton sat back and watched it all happen and he began to develop feelings for me. I started hanging out with Brenton and as a result we clicked and fell in love but Matt was still in the back of my head. I wasn’t sure if I had done the right thing (Because Matt began to throw a pity party and I started getting the heat from third parties) When Matt found out about me dating Brenton he began interfering with our relationship and guilted me back into being with him. I eventually left Brenton and I now realize that it was the biggest mistake I ever made. For almost six months Brenton tried to get me back but I was too blind. I thought I was doing the right thing by getting back with Matt but I was wrong. I realize now that it was only out of pity, not love. I love Brenton so very much. He resents me and says wants nothing to do with me though he wishes me the best. He even got back with his ex but split up two months later. It’s been a year since the breakup and I was wondering, is it possible to get Brenton back or is it a lost cause?? I’m planning to have a talk with Matt this week to end things. I’m just trying to prepare. Please help!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Yes, it is a lost cause to get back with Breton. You blew it. 🙁 That you’re even considering getting back together with him BEFORE you break up with your current boyfriend spells out the fact that you need to be single and you need to slow down and decide what it is YOU are looking for in a boyfriend and a relationship. Until you’re self aware you can’t choose well, and you haven’t been choosing well or making good relationship decisions.

Take a year off from dating and really get to know yourself and what it is you want in your life, for your life, and with a partner. Until then, you’re just going to be “making noise” in chaotic and messy relationships.

I hope that helps. For more help, I really recommend you read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], to help you figure this all out at length.

See you @AskAprilcom on Twitter.

[Member]

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