[freewannabe]

hello,
I have this problem that only lives inside my head and I’m really lost… So I met this guy during holiday with my family. We were staying at my aunt’s house and we went for dinner at her friend’s house so that’s how I met him. I’m 17 and he’s 19. We quickly got along and in 5days of constant contact we became a couple.. The thing is, that he lives in London and I’m in Poland and we only can see each other every 2months. We talk daily on skype for 3-4 hours and everything was going really well and it still would be great if not me… I always was this free bird and now that i have a boyfriend that really likes me and shows it, treats me like a real princess I still don’t feel happy… I cought myself thinking how I only want to joke around and I don’t really want anything serious.. But I don’t know if that is really what I want? I don’t want to make the wrong decission too fast.. I mean he’s the keeper as they say, and my family really likes him.. Everything about him is great except me… He’s coming to see me next month and I really need some advice.. Should I end everything or just wait and see?

[AskApril Masini]

I don’t think you should end everything, but I do think that you should be careful not to lead him — or yourself — on to think that this relationship is more than it actually is. In general, I recommend you date someone for three months before even deciding if you want to CONTINUE dating. And if you both do, then use the next three months of dating to decide if you want to be monogamous or not. Obviously, long distance relationships require a different set of rules, but the point of my telling you this is to not get too invested in a relationship that isn’t seasoned enough for you to know if it’s something you really want.

Add to that the fact that you’re young and you’re someone who sees herself as a “free bird” — and I can see why you’d begin to question the commitment you’ve both seemed to have made maybe a little too quickly. I think you have really good instincts, and that you should slow down, wait and see, and get to know each other without the pressure of a commitment. 😉

[Sally]

You’re 17, and what you’re feeling is normal. You met him in a very intense, romantic bubble holidays, family, nonstop time together. That kind of connection can feel huge very fast. But once real life kicks back in, your body is telling you something important: you don’t feel ready to settle into something serious.

That doesn’t mean he isn’t great. And it doesn’t mean you’re broken for not feeling happy. Sometimes someone can be kind, loving, and “perfect on paper,” and still not be right for where you are in life.

You don’t need to make a dramatic decision right now. You also don’t need to force yourself to feel more than you do. When he comes next month, don’t pretend or pressure yourself. Just notice how you feel when you’re actually with him. Do you feel lighter or more trapped?

Love at your age should feel curious and fun, not heavy or confusing. If it starts feeling like a role you have to play, that’s your answer.

[Lune David]

This is a holiday love story, not a life sentence
You’re 17 — you’re supposed to feel curious, playful, and a little confused. If your heart wants to fly but your brain feels stuck, that’s your sign to slow down.

He can be sweet, kind, and “perfect,” and still not be your perfect right now. You don’t need to break up today, and you don’t need to promise forever either. Just chill, meet him, and see how you feel — not how everyone else feels.

If it feels fun, enjoy it.
If it feels heavy, let it go.

Free birds shouldn’t put themselves in cages — even golden ones

[Member]

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