[Romeo]

So i’ve been dating this girl in my university class for about a month now. The first date went well, we didn’t kiss, but about a week later we went on a second date and kissed there. Since then, I have been over to her house a couple of times and we have made out but we haven’t had sex yet (We’ve implied it, but she’s told me she’s not one to have sex early on in a relationship which is fine with me. I’ve had plenty of sex before, it’s not something that is do or die for me).

I try to do things everytime we hang out to spark her interest. Taking her to new places, doing new things etc. I know for a fact, myself, that I have just as much power to choose if I like her as she does. I am sure at this point that I could see myself going long-term with this girl.

Now, my problem always tends to be that I feel I get a little bit of OCD with girls I truly enjoy being with. I am a very busy guy, I play 2 sports, have lots of university work, work on the weekends and do tons of things. However, no matter how busy I keep myself, it’s tough to not keep thinking about her. This is problematic because I don’t want to smother her.

I want to basically ensure she’s interested, and want to know whens the right time to transition this into a relationship before she’s bored? I am interesting, I try to keep mysterious and I have a lot of things up my sleeve but here are some of the signs that I just want to ask you about.

1) Right from the beginning, she’s never been a big texter. I ALWAYS, ALWAYS call my women. She hates talking on the phone and always asks me to text. I try to refrain from texting her too much, at this point in the relationship how often should I be texting her to make sure she knows im interested but not smothering her? I’ll really only text to set up dates, or tell her something interesting but it’ll be about 3-4 texts and then we won’t talk for the rest of the day. I think it’s a mixture of 1) I don’t want to keep texting her and smother her and 2) She’s very busy like me

Her texts are never the same way she acts in person. We have so much fun together in person, we are always laughing, kissing, having a great time. But her texts are usually one word answers or conversation cutters.

2) How do I act in class around her? And how often should I be seeing her outside of class if we have class together 2x a week? This contributes to the “smothering” and getting sick of each other thing.

3) Should I be seeing other women ? I’ve had women in my past leave me for being a “player” because I always believed in keeping my options open until an exclusive relationship in an effort of not smothering the one I really care about

4) I feel like i’ve invested too much into her, which has been a mistake. Through 3 dates now, I have paid for everything and I don’t know if this is problematic. Her TV had broke down, and I had an extra one that had been laying around in my house that I gave to her. Was that a big mistake? I know I shouldn’t have given so much to her this early on, but really I was just trying to help out. I know i’ve heard that having the women pay for some things keeps you interesting and has her stay invested in you. How do I all of a sudden ask her to pay now? Isn’t that suspicious?

I know i’m overthinking this a bit, but these are just some general questions so I don’t make easily avoidable mistakes at this stage in the game. Is not having sex a month in problematic? She’s gotten to the point where she’s very horny but i’ve respected that she wants to wait. Does that make me a sissy in her eyes for not forcing it?

Thank you.

[Romeo]

I’m sorry – title might be a little bit misleading. I meant to phrase it as How do I remain interesting in the eyes of the girl i’m dating

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re right. You’re over-thinking this. 😕

[quote]I try to refrain from texting her too much, at this point in the relationship how often should I be texting her to make sure she knows im interested but not smothering her? I’ll really only text to set up dates, or tell her something interesting but it’ll be about 3-4 texts and then we won’t talk for the rest of the day. I think it’s a mixture of 1) I don’t want to keep texting her and smother her and 2) She’s very busy like me

Her texts are never the same way she acts in person. We have so much fun together in person, we are always laughing, kissing, having a great time. But her texts are usually one word answers or conversation cutters.[/quote]

What you’re doing is fine….

[quote]2) How do I act in class around her? And how often should I be seeing her outside of class if we have class together 2x a week? [/quote]

Act naturally. Flirt with her. If you want to invite her on dates, then do that. If you don’t then you’ll see her at least twice a week in class. But class isn’t a substitute for a date.

[quote]3) Should I be seeing other women ? I’ve had women in my past leave me for being a “player” because I always believed in keeping my options open until an exclusive relationship in an effort of not smothering the one I really care about[/quote]

You should see other women as often as you want to until you’ve decided you want a monogamous, committed relationship with someone. You’re doing fine. 🙂

[quote]4) I feel like i’ve invested too much into her, which has been a mistake. Through 3 dates now, I have paid for everything and I don’t know if this is problematic. Her TV had broke down, and I had an extra one that had been laying around in my house that I gave to her. Was that a big mistake?[/quote]

No. It was generous. 🙂

[quote] I know I shouldn’t have given so much to her this early on, but really I was just trying to help out. I know i’ve heard that having the women pay for some things keeps you interesting and has her stay invested in you. How do I all of a sudden ask her to pay now? Isn’t that suspicious?[/quote]

Paying for dates is chivalrous. If you start asking her to pay for dates now, she’s going to think that the relationship has changed — which it will have. However, when a relationship progresses, and it does seem like you’re in college (not sure if you have a job, too), the woman will want to contribute in her own way — by cooking you dinner, showing up with tickets to something now and then, or just showing you that she wants to do nice things for you. The natural progression is important.

[quote] Is not having sex a month in problematic? She’s gotten to the point where she’s very horny but i’ve respected that she wants to wait. Does that make me a sissy in her eyes for not forcing it?[/quote]

This is a tricky question, and my advice, given what you’ve written, is that you make a move towards sex to test the waters. When people say that they want to wait for sex, it can mean many different things (a night, a year, until marriage, etc.). You’ll get to learn more about what she meant, and where the relationship is, by pursuing it, but being ready to back off if she lets you know she’s not ready.

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