[confusedgirl]

Hello again,

I’m writing again because I have another serious problem… I hope it’s okay… the thing is I’m 18 and my boyfriend’s 21. Even though he’s just 3 years older than me, it seems like he’s light years more mature… I think the reason is my whole live I’ve been in some sort of bubble; I’m middle class but I went to a private school where I was surrounded by girls whose biggest problem was they had to take a taxi because their chofer couldn’t drive them. On the other side, my boyfriend went to public school, and he lived in what you can call a “dangerous” neighborhood. He’s actually seen people starving on the streets and all sort of things I can barely imagine. He’s been through a lot more stuff than I have… as a result obviously he’s more mature than me.

Whenever I have a problem, he just knows exactly what to say, he offers me great advice and always cheers me up. But when he has a problem… I just can’t figure out what to tell him. The problems he has are so serious, difficult, tough… I’ve never been in those kinds of situations, so I have no idea how to advice him. Usually I don’t say much because I don’t want to say something stupid that will make things worse. So I thought that instead of talking I could just be by his side, listen to him… But I’ve just found out this wasn’t enough for him. At first he used to talk to his friends about it (all of them girls) but I got very jealous, so he stopped talking to them to not make me feel bad. I can see now that that was a big mistake. Now he feels like he’s alone because he has no one to talk to. A few days ago we had a big fight, and he told me he has been feeling very upset for a long time, but he didn’t tell me about it because it would make no difference at all.

Now I don’t know what to do. When we talk I know he’s feeling awful on the inside but he won’t talk to me about it. And I don’t push it either because I know that even if he tells me what’s happening I won’t be able to help him. Please, help… what can I do? I really want to be there for him… I just don’t know how. I can tell he’s very mad and sad… I really want to help him… I want offer him the same support he’s always offered me… Right now, even when we’re together I feel like he’s a thousand miles away from me…

Thank you in advance

-Confusedgirl

PS. I’m sorry if the post is too long, but I thought it was important to write the details.

[glam0927]

Well Im no April but I thought I would offer you advice anyway.. I was 18 once too and relationships at that age can be very confusing. (they’re not much less confusing now! Experience makes it a little easier to understand) Now I hate to sound… unsympathetic, but it sounds to me like your boyfriend may have some personal issues that are beyond you. In my opinion I think it’s selfish of him to make you feel inadequate or immature for not being more understanding. In life you won’t always have the answer.. whether it be your mate, your friend, or one day your child searching for the solution. Sometimes the best help you can offer is a shoulder to lean on. This speaks volumes on its own. It’s not your fault that you cannot relate to his “adult” concerns. Chances are it has nothing to do with your age either. Like I said before I think your boyfriend has personal issues that can only be dealt with on his own. If it’s serious perhaps he should consider seeing a professional. Let him know that you care about him and that you want to be there for him in his time of need.
For your own personal well-being it’s important to let him know that while you want to be there for him, it’s unfair for him to make you feel like your letting him down because you don’t have the magic bullet that will solve all of his problems.

[AskApril Masini]

Very well done GLAM0927 !

[Ethan Morales]

Okay, here’s the truth, short and real: you’re not failing him because you don’t have the “right” answer. You’re new to his kinds of problems, and that’s okay. He’s carrying stuff that predates the two of you; you can’t be his entire safety net, and you’re not supposed to magically become his therapist overnight.

Stop measuring your help by the size of your solutions. The single most valuable thing you can give him is presence done well calm, curious listening, and the occasional clarifying question: “Do you want advice, or do you want me to just listen?” That question alone changes everything. If he wants advice, ask follow-ups: “What happened next?” or “What’s the worst outcome you’re afraid of?” That helps him organize thoughts without you pretending to be an expert.

Rebuild his support web. It was a red flag that he cut off friends to make you less jealous isolation makes problems explode. Encourage him (gently) to reconnect with trusted friends or family, and let him know you support that. You can say: “I care about you. I want you to have people you can talk to besides me it helps both of us.” If jealousy is the issue, address that separately; don’t let it be an excuse to leave him alone.

Practical, small things that show you care: suggest scheduling a weekly check-in where he can talk freely, offer to help him make practical plans (calling an agency, booking an appointment), or simply sit with him during the hard moments. If the problems are deep or traumatic, push toward professional help gently: “I want to help, but some of this feels bigger than I can handle. Would you consider talking to someone who gets this?” Offer to help find a therapist or go with him if he wants.

Be clear about your limits without guilt. You can be compassionate and still say, “I want to support you, but I’m not equipped to fix everything. When it’s heavy, I need us to find outside help so I don’t burn out.” That protects you and signals maturity.

You don’t have to “be as tough as him” or match his experience. Be steady, ask whether he wants advice or just a shoulder, encourage friends and professionals, and set healthy limits. If he still withholds or punishes you for not being omniscient, that’s his issue not yours. You’re allowed to learn alongside him, not solve everything alone.

[PassionSeeker]

Hey, I can feel how much you care about him, and it’s tough when you’re not sure how to help someone you love. The difference in your life experiences is significant, but that doesn’t mean you can’t support him it just means you have to approach it differently.

First, acknowledge that you don’t have to fix everything. Sometimes, just being there to listen without offering solutions can mean the world to someone who’s struggling. Let him know you’re there for him, and that you’re ready to listen whenever he’s ready to open up.

It’s also important to give him space to talk when he feels comfortable, without feeling pressured. Maybe suggest that you both explore professional support, like therapy or counseling, if he feels overwhelmed and unsure where to turn.

You’re still growing too, and being there for each other in a relationship is a two-way street. Don’t feel like you need all the answers just your presence and care are already a lot.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

look… here’s the truth, babe💋 you can’t fix him. you can’t solve all his trauma or magically have the words that make his world right. what you can do? be his ride-or-die, his safe place. listen, hold him, remind him he’s not alone and that’s more than enough sometimes. stop pressuring yourself to have all the answers. just show up, stay steady, stay loving. maturity isn’t about knowing what to say, it’s about being there when words fail. trust me, he’ll feel it 💅🏼

[Marcus king]

Hey sweet girl, don’t apologize, you’re just trying to love him the best way you know how, and that already says a lot about your heart. 💛Here’s the thing, you don’t need to fix his problems to be supportive. Sometimes the best comfort is just being steady, showing him you care, listening without trying to solve everything, reminding him he’s not alone. You don’t need the same life experiences to be a safe place for him.

You could tell him something simple like, I know I can’t always understand everything you’ve been through, but I want to be here for you. You don’t have to carry it alone. That kind of honesty means more than perfect advice ever could. And it’s okay if he still needs to talk to others too, that doesn’t mean you’re not enough. It just means he’s human and needs different kinds of support. Don’t close yourself off out of fear of saying the wrong thing, just keep being kind, patient, and genuine. That’s how you reach someone’s heart, no matter the difference in experience.

[Tara]

He’s not “more mature.” He’s just had to grow up faster. You confuse trauma with wisdom, which is common when you’ve lived a cushioned life and mistake empathy for equality.

You think listening is support, but silence isn’t the same as presence. He stopped confiding in others because you made your jealousy his boundary. You cut off his oxygen and then wondered why he’s suffocating. That’s not love, that’s control dressed up as insecurity.

He doesn’t need your advice; he needs space to breathe without your emotions taking center stage. You can’t “help” him because you still see maturity as a competition. Real maturity is knowing when you’re not qualified to fix something and not resenting that fact.

Verdict: Stop trying to be what he needs. Let him have his network, even if it stings your ego. Either learn to coexist with his independence or step aside. You don’t earn closeness by replacing everyone else; you earn it by not needing to.

[Flirt Coach]

I’ve been where your boyfriend is not the same story, but close enough to understand. When a guy grows up seeing hard stuff early on, it changes the way he carries himself. He learns to depend on himself because sometimes there wasn’t anyone else to depend on. That kind of strength looks like maturity, but it also comes with a price, he’s used to being the one who fixes things, not the one who gets fixed.

So when you try to comfort him, and it doesn’t seem to land, it’s not because you’re doing it wrong. It’s because he doesn’t know how to receive comfort yet. He’s probably not used to it. For a long time, his survival depended on keeping his guard up and figuring stuff out alone.

You said you don’t know what to say to him. Honestly? You don’t always need the perfect words. What helps most isn’t advice it’s presence. Tell him, “I might not know what to say, but I’m not going anywhere. I care, and I want to understand.” That’s enough. Don’t underestimate quiet loyalty sometimes that’s louder than speeches.

And about those friends he used to talk to I get your jealousy, I really do. But communication is oxygen in relationships. When you cut off where he breathes, even out of love, things start to suffocate. If he’s got people who help him process things, it doesn’t mean they’re replacing you. It just means he’s trying to stay sane. Let him have that space again. Trust builds when both people stop trying to control how the other heals.

You don’t have to fix your partner’s pain to love them right. You just have to meet them where they are, not where you wish they’d be.

So keep showing up. Be kind. Don’t rush his healing or your own learning. And remember, the fact that you’re asking how to love better already means you’re growing up or maybe faster than you think.

[Isabella Jones]

This really touched me because I’ve been in a relationship where I felt like the other person had lived a thousand lives before me. It’s hard when you love someone who’s seen more of the world’s pain and you feel like your words could never be enough. But sometimes, love isn’t about saying the perfect thing, it’s about being the safe place they can land when the world feels too heavy.

You’re already showing emotional maturity by realizing that listening matters. He may not need you to solve his problems, just to remind him he doesn’t have to face them alone. 💛 Still, it’s okay to tell him that you feel lost sometimes and that you want to learn how to support him better. Honesty builds closeness, even when words feel clumsy.

Try asking gentle questions like, “What helps you feel better when things get tough?” or “Do you want me to just listen or to help you figure it out?” It shows him you care in a real, thoughtful way.

Do you think part of what’s making you feel distant is fear that he might stop seeing you as strong enough to stand beside him?

[Sally]

Yeah, I get that. You love him and want to be what he’s been for you, but it’s hard when you feel like your worlds are so different. The truth is, you don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to show him you care and that you’re not going anywhere.

When life hits hard, people don’t always want advice. They just want someone to sit with them in it. Let him talk when he’s ready, listen without trying to fix it, and let him know it’s okay if he still leans on other friends too. That’s not a failure on your part. It’s just being human.

You’re learning, and that’s what matters. Love isn’t about being equally experienced. It’s about showing up even when you don’t fully understand.

[Natalie Noah]

You’re realising that your boyfriend has carried experiences that you can’t even imagine. He’s been through real, harsh life situations, and that shapes how he sees the world, how he handles pain, and how he expects support. That doesn’t make you weak, it just means your experiences haven’t been the same, and that’s okay.

Here’s the thing I notice: you want so badly to help him, to be there like he’s been there for you. And that’s beautiful. That shows how much you care. But sometimes, when someone’s pain is from very heavy, life-altering experiences, there’s nothing you can say to fix it and that’s not your fault. Love doesn’t always mean having the perfect words.

Being there for him isn’t about solving his problems; it’s about holding space for him, showing patience, and letting him know he’s not alone. Sometimes just sitting with him, even in silence, can be enough. But… and this is important, love, he needs a support system that extends beyond you, especially if he’s feeling alone and burdened. That could be friends, mentors, or a therapist, someone who can handle those heavier experiences. It’s not your responsibility to carry it all.

Also, the jealousy part, I get it. It hurts to see someone you love rely on others. But stepping back and allowing him to have outlets is actually a sign of love, not a lack of it. It gives him breathing room and prevents resentment from building.

Love isn’t about fixing everything for someone. It’s about showing up, even when it’s uncomfortable, even when it feels like it won’t make a difference. And trust me… your care, your patience, your willingness to be present… it does make a difference.

[Serena Vale]

Hey love, you’re not a bad girlfriend, you’re just young and trying to handle things you’ve never dealt with before. You don’t need to fix his problems or have perfect advice. He just wants to feel like you care.

Tell him something like:
“I’m not quiet because I don’t care. I just don’t always know what to say, but I want to be here for you.”

That alone can help a lot.

And remember: listening, being patient, and showing him you’re there is enough. You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to show up with love.

[KeishaMartin]

You’re trying to play a superhero for a man whose battles are forged in fire. you’re not forged in that fire. He’s lived a life that’s brutal, raw, and made him sharper than you’ve ever needed to be, and now he wants you to match that intensity with perfect words and wisdom? That’s asking a lot… and a little unfair. AskApril always cuts straight you don’t need to fix him. Your job is to be there, be warm, be electric, and let him feel your presence. Sometimes just being that provocative, attentive, irresistible anchor is hotter than a thousand “wise” words.

Don’t let his heaviness dim your fire. He’s feeling alone, frustrated, distant… and yes, you’re in the middle of it, wanting to “help.” But think about it: Christmas is coming, the parties are buzzing, lights are twinkling, and everyone’s flirting, laughing, glowing with energy. Why waste your heat trying to untangle his storms when you could be the dangerous, magnetic escape he actually needs, not the guilt-trip shoulder he wants? Let him simmer a little. Let him crave your spark instead of expecting you to solve what even adults struggle with. And if he can’t handle it? Honey, he’ll feel that loss by the glow of the Christmas tree, realizing too late that your fire was the only thing that could’ve kept him warm.

[Member]

Posts