[confusedgirl]

Hello again,

I’m writing again because I have another serious problem… I hope it’s okay… the thing is I’m 18 and my boyfriend’s 21. Even though he’s just 3 years older than me, it seems like he’s light years more mature… I think the reason is my whole live I’ve been in some sort of bubble; I’m middle class but I went to a private school where I was surrounded by girls whose biggest problem was they had to take a taxi because their chofer couldn’t drive them. On the other side, my boyfriend went to public school, and he lived in what you can call a “dangerous” neighborhood. He’s actually seen people starving on the streets and all sort of things I can barely imagine. He’s been through a lot more stuff than I have… as a result obviously he’s more mature than me.

Whenever I have a problem, he just knows exactly what to say, he offers me great advice and always cheers me up. But when he has a problem… I just can’t figure out what to tell him. The problems he has are so serious, difficult, tough… I’ve never been in those kinds of situations, so I have no idea how to advice him. Usually I don’t say much because I don’t want to say something stupid that will make things worse. So I thought that instead of talking I could just be by his side, listen to him… But I’ve just found out this wasn’t enough for him. At first he used to talk to his friends about it (all of them girls) but I got very jealous, so he stopped talking to them to not make me feel bad. I can see now that that was a big mistake. Now he feels like he’s alone because he has no one to talk to. A few days ago we had a big fight, and he told me he has been feeling very upset for a long time, but he didn’t tell me about it because it would make no difference at all.

Now I don’t know what to do. When we talk I know he’s feeling awful on the inside but he won’t talk to me about it. And I don’t push it either because I know that even if he tells me what’s happening I won’t be able to help him. Please, help… what can I do? I really want to be there for him… I just don’t know how. I can tell he’s very mad and sad… I really want to help him… I want offer him the same support he’s always offered me… Right now, even when we’re together I feel like he’s a thousand miles away from me…

Thank you in advance

-Confusedgirl

PS. I’m sorry if the post is too long, but I thought it was important to write the details.

[glam0927]

Well Im no April but I thought I would offer you advice anyway.. I was 18 once too and relationships at that age can be very confusing. (they’re not much less confusing now! Experience makes it a little easier to understand) Now I hate to sound… unsympathetic, but it sounds to me like your boyfriend may have some personal issues that are beyond you. In my opinion I think it’s selfish of him to make you feel inadequate or immature for not being more understanding. In life you won’t always have the answer.. whether it be your mate, your friend, or one day your child searching for the solution. Sometimes the best help you can offer is a shoulder to lean on. This speaks volumes on its own. It’s not your fault that you cannot relate to his “adult” concerns. Chances are it has nothing to do with your age either. Like I said before I think your boyfriend has personal issues that can only be dealt with on his own. If it’s serious perhaps he should consider seeing a professional. Let him know that you care about him and that you want to be there for him in his time of need.
For your own personal well-being it’s important to let him know that while you want to be there for him, it’s unfair for him to make you feel like your letting him down because you don’t have the magic bullet that will solve all of his problems.

[Ask April Masini]

Very well done GLAM0927 !

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