[Lasres7]

Ok guys, this a rather long story, but after receiving advice from a buddy I figured it wouldn’t hurt to get some tips from people that know what they’re doing. 😉

So a good while back I met this girl through a mutual friend’s status on facebook. She added me because she was so surprised that I learned her native language. Anywho, short there after she went to her country and just jokingly I said she should bring me back a souvenir. So she spends the whole summer there and returns in the fall. We didn’t talk the whole time, but before and after her trip we would have occasional contact via facebook or texting.

Up to this point I hadn’t even met the girl, but she would always click like on my pics and when texting leave subtle hints of interest. When she returned it turns out she actually brought me two souvenirs and so I asked if we could meet up, but we didn’t until the following year in spring time. It was her birthday so I left her a birthday music vid on her page and texted her to let her know about it. Long story short she brought up the topic of going out so we went out for the first time a week after her birthday. I really had no interest or expectations about this “meeting”, but I saw she was really cute and as sweet as can be so I continued it for quite a while to see where it would go. I ended up really liking her a lot, but for some reason whenever I have feelings for a girl, I have a hard time making a move on her. So we go out on some dates, and on one date I texted her after telling her that I have to admit I really wanted to kiss her, but she said hugging is ok for now but we can still get to know each other. I followed by admitting that I also have to confess I’m interested in her. There you go, no bad reactions to what I said.

After that date I only see her at Persian new year (she’s Persian) and I can’t do much there because we were in front of friends and her family. Later after Persian new year is over I take her out again and I bring up the topic of me liking her and asking her what’s her take on it? She pauses for a bit and then gives me the classic just friends speech. Fine, I said sure and change the topic. However she keeps bringing up the topic over and over. Are you sad? Are you upset? and so forth. To which I reply I’m fine, you told me what you think, there’s nothing more to it. And she asks me in a sad tone “will I still see you again?” I said suuuureeee…… but by that point I was thinking why should I pursue? On the way back to drop her off she suddenly raises her hands in the air like if she was saying a what the heck without actually saying it. So I said what’s going on are you alright? She’s yeahh I”m cool. Soon there after she says she wants to tell me something, but is reluctant to do so. Eventually she tells me. She says I don’t want you to think I have a boyfriend because I don’t have one. I just had a bad experience in my last relationship. (I imagine this was true because our mutual friend had mentioned she got out of a long term a year before I met her or more I guess.) Anyway, I said ok, that’s fine. Nothing to worry about. Every time we would go out, I would text her after, but this time I didn’t and she texted me.

After all that mess my best friend (who had met her at Persian new year) and his girlfriend analyze the situation and come to the conclusion that she likes me, but is being difficult. That I shouldn’t stop, etc… So all of us take her to hang out as a group and at the end of the night she gives me another souvenir from her country. My friends say she’s still into you, I don’t know what’s her problem. With that motivation I pursue to keep trying to win her over. I’m a martial arts teacher so I surprised her with a private lesson and she loves it and has lots of fun. We do two lessons and after the second lesson I remind her of this wedding I wanted to take her to. Long story short she ends up not going because according to her, “its not right.” At that point I just left it all alone.

I hadn’t talked to her for a month or so, but she continued often liking my pics on facebook. Then on my birthday, I was asleep and the time changed to midnight. Meaning it’s officially my birthday. I get a text from her at 12 on the dot wishing me happy birthday and what not. She had congratulated me before anybody period. So I’m thinking she still has some interest I suppose, but I don’t do much at that moment because I was still annoyed. After that from time to time she would text me about saying hello or about Persian holidays. So on the last Persian holiday of last year in winter time she starts texting me. Honestly I had missed her thought if there another chance I would so take it. So I tried flirting a bit to which she was rather indifferent about and left it alone.

Now it’s this year and her birthday is approaching. I get help from a friend to write he a happy birthday poem for her in her native language. I send it to her and she loved it! She said it was sweet, lovely, deep and meaningful.
I said you’re very welcome, you deserve it. I hope to see you at this year’s Persian new year festival. Now Persian new year consists of three holidays. It was the night of the first holiday and I end up not going because all my friends were working. She text’s me asking me how my holiday is going? I said I didn’t go because of my friends. She says you can still come and you should. I didn’t go, but I said I’ll see you on Sunday for the next festival hopefully. It seemed that she didn’t like this haha. She asked, “hopefully? excuse me?” I said relax I’ll go.

I go to the festival this year (a few weeks ago) and I let her know I’m there. She starts playing all these games as to where she is so I said forget it and didn’t bother asking more where she is, but she comes up to me anyway. We spend the whole time together there with her and her family. At the end of the night I text her saying it was great to see her after so long. She said same here, we should hang out more often. To which I reply, I agree I would love to TAKE YOU OUT more often. So last night I take her out. I’m also learning other languages so I take her to a cultural dinner with my teachers and friends. We eat, listen to music and chat it up with everybody. People tell her how good my speaking is and she says yeah he also knows my language really well and how we look like a cute couple, etc…. It looks like she had a good time, and when I drop her off I contemplate kissing her, but decide not to in case she doesn’t like it things won’t be so awkward today (today is another persian new year festival).

So know that I wrote all this. My perception of things is that this girl shows interest, but at the same time there’s times that she turns it off. I suppose teasing? As far as me because of me liking her I’m reluctant to go in for the kiss or a holding hands. What should I do? Should I just man-up and try to go for it risking ruining everything. More flirting? Verbalize my thoughts? Am I wasting my time with this girl? I’ve gone very much out of my way for this particular girl with little to show for it. I’m more than likely going to see her today at the Persian festival, but I highly doubt there will be chances for romance there. Anyways, any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

[AskApril Masini]

This is simple. You need to kiss her. You need to move things to the next level. You’ve really taken a backseat in terms of your responsibility as the guy in the relationship.

I bet you she’s as frustrated as you are because she does like you, but you’re not doing your part. You’re afraid of rejection so you’re turning every opportunity for romance into a discussion. 🙄 This just makes her feel that you’re not really interested in her as a girlfriend, or that you don’t take yourself seriously as boyfriend material.

If you want to date her, then treat her like someone you want to date and pursue her, take her out, hold hands, kiss her, send her flowers, etc. If you don’t, eventually you’ll lose her to someone who’s not just interested in her, but who shows her that he’s interested in her.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Lasres7]

Thanks April. You’re right!

Yesterday I was with her and other friends at that festival I told you about. I don’t know if it was because she might of been frustrated that I didn’t kiss her the previous day or because we were with a big group, but she was more friend like yesterday. Then at the end of the day I texted her asking when she’s free again because I want to go out again. She said not this week. So I asked what about next week? She said we’ll see because I receive my schedule on a weekly basis. Was this her way of politely saying she doesn’t want to go out? Until she lets me know about her schedule and if and when she lets me know about it should I just not text her at all? Because I’ve also noticed that this year compared to last year I’m the one that’s trying to show the attention rather than her. So I don’t want to be too clingy if you will. Or should I text her a bit until she supposedly tells me her schedule for next week?

[AskApril Masini]

Stop texting. Nice guys finish last, so if you’re a little elusive, you’ll become more attractive. And don’t ask a woman out by text. 😕 It’s not very personal and it doesn’t make her feel special. Either call her up or ask her out face to face. Try sending her flowers. It sounds like it’s something different, and basically, you have to switch up your game because what you’ve been doing hasn’t been working. 😉

[Lasres7]

Ok, got it. I will call her to set up our next date. (I can’t really see her face to face unless we scheduled to meet up).
So as far as calling goes… She had said she would let me know her schedule so we can go out next week. Should I call her once she gives me her schedule or before to see how it is myself?

You’re totally right about switching things up. I figure she’s bored with things :-/
And you indirectly said it to me, I have the nice guy syndrome. Anyway, sorry for asking so many simple questions. I really do appreciate your time April.

[AskApril Masini]

Take yourself out of the back seat and stop waiting for her to give you her schedule, etc. 😉 YOU take control! Remember? Switch things up and YOU pursue her. 😀

[Lune David]

Reading this felt like a full season of a rom-com in one post! You’ve basically turned chasing her into a full-time hobby, complete with souvenirs, martial arts lessons, and cultural dinners. Honestly, if persistence were a sport, you’d be an Olympic gold medalist by now. Just don’t forget—you’re allowed to flirt, tease, and chase… but also to enjoy yourself without turning into a human calendar of her schedule. 😉

[Member]

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