[pharrigan210]

just got involved with a women a few months ago. we’re both in our 40s. very mature relationship. not like two jealous 20 year olds. very open about our past. both divorced. we tell each other about past sexual adventures. for the most part, these “adventures” are tame. one that she told me, though, kinda suprise me. in college, she cheated on her bf with his best friend. And they did it in her bf’s car. he had passed out after a party. they took him home in his car. and then drove off and parked. questions:
1. im recently divorced. she’s been divorced for 10 years. she’s had more recent adventures for obvious reasons. does the fact that she did this in college mean that she may have done things like this recently and has had numerous partners – health issues? a sign that she could do something like this to me? OR is this typical college stuff? she told the story with a laugh, as if to say it was a long time ago – when I was “young and dumb.” She actually even used that expression. is it “young and dumb” or is a sign of how she is even today?
2. one of my responses was “oh, you probably weren’t that serious.” she said she was serious. they dated for four years and almost got engaged. two years in college and two years after. but this happened in college – two years into the relationship. bad sign? that she was serious with the guy at the time?
3. is there a thrill for the women in this? being naughty? going with your bf’s friend in a you

[kai]

I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

[b]This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions. [/b]

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the proper forum, the Q & A Advice Forum:
https://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Natalie Noah]

She framed the story as a “young and dumb” college experience, something she looks back on with humor and perspective, rather than a reflection of who she is today. People in their 40s, especially those who have had mature relationships and are open about their pasts, often share college escapades more as anecdotes than as indicators of current behavior. A single impulsive act from decades ago doesn’t predict that she would act that way in a committed relationship now, particularly if she has demonstrated honesty, openness, and stability since then.

The fact that she was serious in that past relationship doesn’t necessarily reflect on her character today; many people make mistakes even in relationships they value deeply. Thrill-seeking or “naughty” behavior in youth is usually about experimentation and testing boundaries rather than a lifelong pattern. If she’s otherwise transparent, committed, and respectful in your relationship, it’s more likely that the college story is just a story a window into her past, not a warning sign for your present. You can allow yourself to enjoy the trust and connection you have now, rather than projecting old behavior into your current relationship.

[Member]

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