[marisan]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. I work full time in a non profit organization and part time as a personal assistant to a family nearby. I am also a full time grad student. I have my own apartment and vehicle, and other expenses. My boyfriend makes over $90k a year, sees me struggle financially and doesn’t offer to help. Working two jobs while being a full time student is not only tiring, but also stressful. I cry a lot because I feel alone and wishes he would help me out. I don’t ask him for anything because of pride. I would like to know if I’m wrong for expecting for him to help me out eventhough we don’t live together? This situation makes me feel sad and alone. Please help!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m not sure what you expect your boyfriend to help you out with…. 😕 Rent? Dates? Your car? It seems wrong for you to expect a boyfriend to pay for your living expenses — he’s not your husband. He’s just a boyfriend of six months. 😳 Most boyfriends and girlfriends have their own separate expenses and don’t expect to be taken care of by each other, financially — especially at the six month mark. Some boyfriends are more generous than others, but again, it isn’t really clear what it is you’re expecting from him, specifically.

However, if you’re looking for someone who is going to take care of you financially, then the two of you are incompatible, because he’s not that person. So if you know what you want and you’re not getting it, you should move on instead of trying to make him be someone he’s not.

On the other hand, it sounds like you have too much on your plate to be in a relationship without stress. Maybe you should either work full time or go to school full time — instead of doing both, and having a part time job on top of that — let alone a relationship. Or you can downsize and get roommates to cut your expenses.

[marisan]

I would like some help with living expenses but I understand that’s not his responsibility. I thought I had unrealistic expectations and you just confirmed it. I need to suck it up, budget, and decide whether or not I can handle a relationship. No one has ever supported me financially and that’s not what I’m looking for. I would just like to not have to work 2 jobs, that would make me so happy. But I will just suck it up!

Thanks a million!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Not wanting to work two jobs and go to graduate school all at the same time is one challenge. And that’s understandable. But it has nothing to do with the guy you’re dating for six months. 😕 Basically, you were looking for a “sugar daddy”. And the guy you chose was not a sugar daddy. So, your expectations were unrealistic. Prioritizing and changing your own behavior and expectations and being realistic about what you want; what you can and can’t do — are all important parts of growing up. 😉 No, it’s not easy — but you can do it! 😉

[Member]

Posts