[Cali86]

I’m not sure how to start this, so I’ll just get right to it. My fiance is some what money hungry. We’ve been together for four years and it has always been like this. The moment I get paid, I pay for all of our dinners and all of our groceries. We have separate bank accounts, but mine is linked to his so he can always see how much money I have left and what I’ve spent my money on. All of my money goes to bills to him and he always, always has money left over. It got to the point when I was working, I often went without breakfast and lunch because I didn’t have money for groceries or to grab something while I was out. He, on the other hand, buys his lunch every day. The house we picked out and bought is only in his name. So, when we’re arguing he likes to bring up the fact that the house is his… I pay him “rent” so it frustrates me. He canceled the house phone to save money and since I lost my job I no longer have a cell phone. So I sit at home, all day every day because he would never give me money for gas, with no one to talk to and I can’t leave. He will not help me with the bills that are in my name, so now my credit is ruined.

About two and a half months ago I was laid off (I was working for a family member of his.) I was literally eating fried potatoes every single day, because he wouldn’t go to the store to buy food for the house and he sure as heck won’t give me any money. I stopped asking for five dollars here and there about two years ago.

I recently sold my car (it was my grandma’s old car, my “current car” is a piece of junk no one will buy) so that I would have a little bit of money for food and to pay my credit card bills, etc. Because I now, “have money,” he thinks that I should pay when we go out to eat, or buy him things, etc. I would like to point out that I never ask him to buy me anything, because I know how he is with money. The money from my car is almost gone because I’ve been buying us groceries and giving him money for bills, etc. I know once this money is gone it will be back to eating potatoes for me. He has told me that he doesn’t have the money to buy food for the house, yet he buys stuff online every other day and can buy anything he likes when we go some where. He just bought a $400 bird.

My grandma recently passed away. She had left her belongings to my mom, my brother and I because she raised my brother and I. The things we didn’t have room for she wanted us to donate or sell. My fiance sold some things of hers on e-bay (I couldn’t because I didn’t have the money for the shipping) and he kept the money from it and said it was part of the “back pay for the bills I owe him,” because I’m not working. He also told me, when I sold my car, that I owe him for the bills I couldn’t pay because I’m unemployed at the moment. On the very rare occasion he has put gas in my car (because of an interview) he says that I have to pay him back. If I need a pair of pants, because I am hardly ever able to buy new clothes, I have to pay him back.

He decided to let his friend rent our spare room, so I thought maybe things would get better because he is now getting money from someone else, but it’s not. I don’t know what to do. He’s really great in other ways, just when it comes to money he’s terrible. What should I do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Just say no! It’s really that easy. 😉

You’ve given him money over and over. 🙄 And you’re angry at him. 😕

Instead of blaming him, take responsibility for yourself and your finances. You’re not a victim because you’ve willingly played a part in this dynamic for four years.

He doesn’t seem like someone who cares about you, and my advice is that after you take care of your own issues with boundaries (“No.”), you find someone to date who does care about you and wants the best for you. He doesn’t. 😳

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