[Anonymous]

I want to begin by prefacing this. I am not a freak, crazy clingy girlfriend. I never have been. I have dated a few guys throughout my early life, but in high school and college commitment was a relative term based upon on situations.

Now I currently am in a relationship. I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over two years. I am 24 and he is 26. This summer my roommate is moving to another city to live with her boyfriend. I have no friends looking for an apartment and have been wanting to live with my boyfriend for awhile. He spend close to 5 nights a week at my apartment (that i own). I posed the question to him last night because I don’t understand the point of living apart and annoying the hell out of our roommates when we have the opportunity to live together. We will at that point have been dating for 2 and a half years. We have already lived together for 3 months when we moved to this city and everything was great.

My boyfriend claims he is still not ready to move in fully. I am hurt and confused If he wants to sleep over so much and we are bothering our roommates why wouldn’t we live together. I feel like he is stalling on moving our relationship to the next level and doesn’t want to be the first of his friends to move in with someone. On top of that he comments how we wont get married for a few years. It just seems like he has commitment issues that will never go away. I am afraid I will be stuck without him committing for a long time. It is making me really sad and I am afraid I will resent him. I do not want to pressure him into living with me but I’m at an emotional cross roads.

Help.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your boyfriend is making himself very clear that he’s not ready for a commitment other than dating, and you’re ready for the next step. You’re right. You are at a crossroads in your relationship.

Here’s my advice: Don’t pressure him to move in with you. It was a mistake for you to ask him to move in with you. Always, ALWAYS let the man do the asking. (Read my book, Think & Date Like A Man, for some super advice: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].) Find a roommate the same way other women find roommates. Ask around, advertise or move into a place where you can foot the rent yourself.

If you want to continue dating him the way you are, and are willing to wait for several years for a possible commitment, keep on doing what you’re doing, BUT, my advice is to trust your instincts. 😉 You are smart and your instincts are accurate. He’s not ready, and you’re not sure how much longer you’re going to be able to go along at his pace, when yours is so much different. It’s time for you to start taking care of yourself. You’ve made it way too easy for him to enjoy your company and you’ve ignored the fact that you’re dating someone who isn’t ready to get married, the way you are. 😮 By allowing him to live with you for a few months, and then to spend five nights a week together, you’ve basically made yourself so available to him he has no incentive to marry you. Why should he? His life is fine the way it is. Yours, however, has tacitly gone off track, and now you realize it.

I think it’s way past time for you to read my book and understand that when you’re looking for Mr. RIght, you have to be C.L.E.A.R. on what you want for yourself and in a man and a relationship and then look for that. Men who are ready to get married will be like a taxi cab with the vacancy light on — ready to pick up a fare. That’s who you want to be looking for if marriage is what you want: a guy who’s not just a great guy, but one who is also ready to be married.

I know you’re sad, and this guy is a great guy, BUT — he’s not Mr. Right because the two of you are not compatible. You want the next step and he doesn’t. Take this opportunity to move on in your own life, and start looking for a man who wants what you want, making him your genuine Mr. Right, and not just Mr. Right now. If he realizes that he doesn’t want to lose you, he may be back with a ring in hand, but if not, you’ll know you did the right thing by moving on and taking care of yourself (and ultimately him, because he won’t want to be with a woman who isn’t getting what she wants).

I’m sorry this isn’t great news, but I hope you’ll take the bigger picture view and understand that it’s an opportunity to allow great news in to your life with the proper steps.

[Member]

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