[Anonymous]

Please please can you offer advice to me.
Im 24, was married at 18 been with the same guy since i was 15. we recently finished this year(although he cant accept it and says he will love me forever). Im in a new relationship and he asked me to move in together which we are doing in a week or so(weve been together 3 months). He doesnt see the move intogether as moving towards marriage, im not quite sure how he sees it, for me moving in with someone is a big think and shows committment.
We had a chat about our relationship. Hes at uni doing music and so is not a very stable career etc. Hes from a wealthy family which live all over the world and so he travels a lot. He says he loves me and he treats me like a pricess (which i had not been used to). When we first got together (and still is) very passionate. Ive been to where he was born abroad and met his family.
He did say that altho he loves me hes taking things one day at a time and can not offer long term comittment (i.e. marriage right now). Thats not what i want right now but obviously that’s what I would want in the future if we are compatible. He says that he cant say yes or no to this in the future coz he doesn’t know. I said to him I don’t want to feel like in filling a space in time until something comes along (eg his music career takes him abroad and he wouldnt consider my feelings at all). He says that im not doing that and he wouldn’t want to be with anyone else right now and he loves me. I said that i would not try and change u coz i love u who u r. I think if he did have to do this I would go with him. i want to know that if something was importnat for me hed do the same. . I dont know how I should feel. Please offer advice, thank u!x

[AskApril Masini]

Stop what you are doing. You are not listening to yourself. The reason you wrote me is because you already know there is something very wrong with your moving in with your boyfriend under the circumstances you describe. Now, I’m going to tell you what you already know.

Do not move in with him. Did you hear me? DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM.

Your boyfriend DOES NOT treat you like a princess. A princess, gets what she wants, and is respected by everyone — including herself. You sure aren’t acting like a princess, and he sure isn’t treating you like one. You’ve made it clear you want to be married, but he’s not only not offering you marriage, he wants you to move in with him so you can’t find that shot at marriage with any other man because you’re going to be living with him. This is a bad idea.

Here’s what you need to understand about yourself: For whatever reason, you dated and married a man you’d been with since you were 15 years old. Now, 9 years later, you’re divorced for less than 9 months, and have dated a guy for 3 months, and have been clear you want marriage, and he’s been clear he’s not going to give it to you — now or possibly ever. Yet, you’re going to take yourself off the market so you can’t possibly find Mr. Right, in exchange for what? A gamble that this guy will change? A bad gamble, since you’re already concerned he’ll finish his college degree and move abroad for a career — without you?

Wake up!!

He’s not lying to you. He’s not even TRYING to pull the wool over your eyes. You’re doing it all yourself. And if you do move in with him, and are dumped 3 years later when he moves abroad, you’ll have no one to blame, but yourself.

So don’t do that.

I want you to [b]not[/b] move in with this man, and I want you to start dating other men. You only divorced this year, and you’re only 24. You need to spend at least 2 years dating other people and finding out who you really are and who other people really are. Rebound relationships never work. I know that divorce is scary, and you’ve gone from your parents home to your husband’s home, and you’re trying to replace what feels like a lost limb by creating another home. Mistake.

This is your time to be alone and face your fears. This is a time to find out who you really are, because it’s truly during these times of uncertainty that our character comes through. Get a job, or go back to school, or both. Get some FEMALE roommates if you can’t afford to live on your own, but do not move back in with your parents. You’re a woman now, not a 15 year old girl, or even an 18 year old bride. You’re divorced, and you’re 24 — and you have the rest of your life in front of you to recognize and fulfill your dreams. So dream big. And don’t settle for some guy who’s offering you a pittance of what you’re worth.

Get my book — Think & Date Like A Man. You can click on the Dating Advice Books link above, scroll down to Think & Date Like A Man, and order it online. It’s $15.95 and will save you loads of money — and time — wasted on bad dates and bad relationships. You need to read this book, a chapter a day or a chapter every few days. Read it with your girlfriends, and discuss it so you can make my advice work for your specific dreams in life. You need some guidance right now, and you can write to me with any questions you have along the way. I want to hear from you.

But do what I’m telling you. Do not move in with this man. Start dating other men, and do NOT rush into anything. The one thing you don’t want to waste is your time — with the wrong man.

[Anonymous]

Three months of only knowing someone and moving in is really moving too fast. Sometimes I know it may be old fashioned for certain people but I believe even though I know it is difficult you should not even be sleeping with eachother at this point. I am not saying I am an angel but you really do not even know this guy yet. I was just dating a guy for 2 months and just started to see he is not right for me where a week before that I was so wrapped up in it because I want a relationship so bad. DO NOT MOVE IN! Way too tooo tooo soon. If he loves you he will understand and wait for when you are ready, and it should not be any time soon. Take it easy you are so young.

[Anonymous]

I made that mistake of allowing my boyfriend to move in with me only after 3 months of dating. I am speaking from experience, do not do it. Take the time to get to know him and see what he wants out of life, your friend is already telling you what he wants and it sounds like he don’t want to marry you but he wants to make sure you do not venture out. You just got a divorce, you need time to yourself, to think about what it is you want out of life and relationships. I am having trouble now with my relationship because I did not take out the time to get to know my boyfriend, just take things slow.

[AskApril Masini]

I think that Tainted, above, gave some good advice from her own life experience!

[Ethan Morales]

April’s verdict is harsh but hits the core: moving in now is a bad idea. You’re freshly out of a long marriage, emotionally raw, and this new guy has been around three months. He’s told you explicitly he can’t promise long-term commitment right now. That, more than anything else, should make you pause. Moving in is more than convenience it limits your future options and erases your freedom to meet someone who actually wants what you want.

There are decent middle-ground moves if you don’t want to cut him out entirely. Don’t sign a lease together. Keep separate bank accounts. Give yourself a firm timeline to reassess (three to six months) and get something in writing about expectations not romantic vows, but practical things: who pays what, how long you’ll try this, and how you’ll handle major life changes like him moving abroad. If he’s serious, he’ll agree to basic fairness and transparency. If he balks, that’s an answer in itself.

Protect your heart and your independence. Live together in the same city, sure but keep separate addresses if possible, or at least insist on a trial period while you maintain your own place. Keep dating friends, hobbies, and a life that doesn’t revolve around him. You’re young and just out of a marriage that lasted years; rushing into cohabitation because it feels safe is a trap that costs you time and options.

One more practical note: set boundaries around what “commitment” means to each of you marriage, children, relocation, career sacrifices. If his answer is permanently “I don’t know,” accept that as a decision, not ambiguity you can fix. You deserve someone who can meet you halfway on the big stuff, not someone who wants the comfort now and keeps the options open later.

Don’t move in as if it’s forever. Treat this as a cautious experiment, protect your independence, and insist on clarity and fairness. If he truly wants you long-term, he’ll prove it in concrete ways not vague promises.

[Serena Vale]

Honestly? I think you’re feeling exactly what anyone would in your spot, torn between wanting to believe in what you have now and being scared of getting hurt again. You’ve been with one person your whole life until recently, so this new relationship must feel exciting but also a little shaky.

He sounds like he really cares about you, but when someone says they can’t promise anything long-term, that’s something you can’t ignore. He’s not trying to hurt you, he’s just being honest about where he’s at. It’s just… that kind of honesty still stings, doesn’t it?

If I’m being real, I’d say: move in if it feels right for you, not because you hope it’ll make him stay or commit more. You’ve already spent years putting someone else first, maybe this time, you make sure you’re doing what’s right for you.

You don’t sound needy or dramatic. You just want to know that you matter and that you’re not a “for now” person. That’s fair. Just keep your eyes open and your heart steady. Love him, enjoy this new chapter, but don’t lose yourself trying to hold onto it.

[Natalie Noah]

The tension between your heart and your head, and it’s clear that you’re trying to balance love, commitment, and security. On one hand, this new relationship feels exciting, nurturing, and passionate exactly what you might want after a long marriage that started so young. On the other hand, you’re being asked to take a huge step moving in together without the assurances that you’re looking for, like a shared vision for the future or a realistic path toward long-term commitment. Your instincts are already telling you that something doesn’t feel fully aligned, and that’s important to honor. Moving in is a serious commitment, and it’s not just about the present moment; it shapes your independence, freedom, and the choices available to you for years to come.

From what you’ve described, your boyfriend seems loving and caring in the moment, but he’s also very clear that he cannot promise marriage or a long-term commitment right now. He’s focused on his music, his travels, and his lifestyle, and while he says he loves you, he also acknowledges he can’t make guarantees. That’s a huge red flag when you know what you want in the long term. Love and passion can feel intoxicating, but they don’t substitute for shared goals and mutual commitment especially when one person is willing to take a life-altering step (moving in) and the other is unsure how they see the future. This isn’t about him being bad or not caring; it’s about priorities, readiness, and timing, and right now those aren’t aligned.

You’re also in a very vulnerable place emotionally. Coming from a marriage that started so young and ended recently, it’s natural to want security and intimacy immediately. But jumping into cohabitation can trap you in a pattern where you’re emotionally invested and financially tied to someone who may not be able to offer the future you want. It’s not fair to your heart, your dreams, or your independence. This is a moment to protect yourself, even though it feels difficult and counterintuitive. Your caution isn’t overreacting it’s self-respect and wisdom, knowing your worth and the life you deserve.

Pause, take a step back, and give yourself the space to really understand your needs, desires, and non-negotiables before making this move. Focus on building your own life, your independence, and your confidence in being alone before tying yourself to someone who cannot yet meet you where you are emotionally and practically. At 24, with your whole life ahead, this is a chance to rediscover yourself, explore other possibilities, and ensure that when you do commit, it’s to someone who can fully meet you, match your energy, and share your long-term vision. You don’t need to rush your happiness is worth the wait.

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