[Anonymous]

Dear April,

I come to you with a very complex problem; I hope you can help me resolve it. I’m 15 years old and live in Brazil. Since I was around 11, I have always felt something for my best friend. We have gone through our own relationship problems, and we have (once or twice) liked each other quite a lot, but as we were young and I’m naturally shy nothing really happened. I think we both know our friendship has always been a bit more than that, but we have never spoken about it and therefore pretended it wasn’t there. She dated a guy for 7 months (although she didn’t want to for the first 5 but did because the boy’s mother passed away) and whilst that happened I endured immense emotional pain. I couldn’t stand to see them together, because I was very envious (especially because she didn’t actually love him). We slowly started talking less and less, but she would always question what was wrong. I’d always say I didn’t like him, and would come up with some excuse as to why. I have always been very shy and keep my problems to myself, a quality which I acquired from my British father. One day, when she questioned me again, I told her the truth; I said I was very envious of him and that I liked her very very much, since practically always. I then told her that I would in fact marry her (some people tell my I’m very cold, and I’ve never been fond of marriage, and when she once asked me if I would marry her, I never answered) and that she is the type of person I want to be with for the rest of my life… she told me she would marry me too (I know it sounds silly coming from a couple of 15 year olds, but we were being very serious about it). When she said so, my whole world turned and churned and now I see everything in a totally different way. After that, my love for her overrode my desire to keep it in, and I now realize I love her more than anything. Two weeks after the event, she broke up with her boyfriend because she was tired of him. Could this have anything to do with me? But since then she has ‘casually’ snogged another boy – but they’re not together, so I don’t really know what’s going on. Plus, we are now growing back to best friends but she acts so normal (I do catch her ‘deeply’ looking at me sometimes)… may she have forgotten our talk? Or does this show she’s not interested? I’ve also never had a serious relationship, and don’t like going to night parties or talk to my parent’s about girlfriends, which is the total opposite of her (although I could get over the parent’s part). Except for that, we are extremely compatible. What should I do about all of this? Although this doesn’t sound very modest, most people I meet tell me I’m a genius and I’m a member of MENSA, although I don’t take part in any events or talk/look/sound like a nerd (please don’t confuse me with a geek, as I’m nowhere near to being one!). I’m sorry if this doesn’t sound very nice, but can you please give me a realistic answer? I’ve looked for loads of help but in the end it just didn’t help at all. I sincerely need your help.

Forever thankful,

Matthew

[Ask April Masini]

Dear Matthew:

I think your best friend does like you, but since you’ve never really transitioned from just friends (albeit best friends) to romantic dates, you’re having a hard time gauging where you stand, and you want to stand elsewhere than where you are!

The best way for you to know whether or not she’s interested in you as anything more than her male best friend, is to ask her out on a date, and make a move to take things one step further towards romance, and away from friendship. That move could be holding hands or it could be kissing. But whatever it is, you’re ready for that next step, and at 15, you’re just the right age to experiment with dating.

While it may be noble of you to express your true feelings and tell her you want to marry her, the reality is that at 15, she’s looking for a boyfriend to spend “boyfriend” time with — not just “best friend” time with. So step up your game, and ask her to do something that’s different than what you’ve normally done. For instance, tell her you’d like to take her on a date to dinner and the movies — or whatever a special picnic and a hike — and ask her if she’d like to go on Saturday. Then pick her up at her house, bring her a flower to start the date and differentiate it from any other get together you two have had in the past, and treat her like a potential girlfriend — not just a friend.

Let me know how things go. I’m wishing you luck! 🙂

[Anonymous]

Dear April,

Thank you very much for your response. However, she has only just broken up with her boyfriend, and he therefore keeps texting her all day… as a result, she texts him back. Wouldn’t it be too early? Also, due to her relationship we don’t really talk to each other a lot, and the numerous hugs we used to give each other aren’t ocurring. How can I become best friends with her again, without ‘pressuring’ her by suddenly talking to her all the time. With time, is there any other way of slowly showing real affection to her other than asking her out on a date? We (as in, my friends – which includes her) go to parties quite a lot; is there anything I could do there instead?

Thanks again;

[Ask April Masini]

Notice how her ex-boyfriend is getting her attentions. He texts her, and she texts him back. Since she’s not dating him any more, this is a great time for you to dial up your attention to her, and to let her know you’re interested in becoming her boyfriend.

I know you’re very sensitive, and worried about pressuring her, and possibly driving her away, but there’s no way to test the waters except to test the waters. 🙂 You want her to notice your increased interest, and this will naturally put her in the spotlight to either accept and encourage your advances, or to discourage them. Trust that she’s strong enough to handle your increased texts or hugs or even calls to ask her out. It’s chivalrous of you to want to protect her, but the flip side of chivalry is actually getting the girl! 😉

In lieu of asking her out on a date, other ways to show your affection at parties that you and your friends attend are:

Offer to get her a drink. Offer to refill her drink. Offer to get her some food at the party.

Ask her to dance.

Give her your best flirtatious smiles and looks, and lavish her with compliments. Pay her a lot of attention at the parties.

Gestures of affection like an arm on her back or her arm, or brushing hair off of her face will definitely send her the signal that you care about her as more than a friend.

I hope that helps.

Good luck! 😀

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