[Confused2008]

Hi everyone,
I really do need some advice, help & support… I’ve got a crush on my boss, he’s an amazing man, we just connected straight away, I feel this chemistry with him like a connection I can’t understand why like a pull towards him when I’m near to him.
He can blow quite hot and cold with me, not massively but enough for me to think he feels the same one day and think it’s all in my head the next. I wasn’t attracted to him at first but when we got working together and talking this connection just took over.

I can’t change jobs and I see him every day. And I look forward to our conversations and interactions but not understanding him or his actions is making me crazy. If he doesn’t want a relationship or to start anything up because we work together or any other reason that is fine with me but I just feel like I need to know for my own sanity if his feelings are reciprocated.
Some of the reasons why I think he does feel the same way are….

He’s made sexual innuendos and jokes to me before, once about the two of us.
He remembers the things I tell him about myself, and my life, he buys me my fave choc bar randomly for example. He asks a lot about my life, he asks about what I’m doing the weekend or if I went out and where I went (he won’t ask about any romantic involvement though)

he tells me everything about himself his childhood his hobbies his weekend (again will rarely mention any romantic attachments) sometimes we talk for ages during work time and after work too we will stay after hours just talking for a while, hardly ever about work. If we do talk about work he tells me his concerns and things he shouldn’t really be telling me.

He’s protective of me, if I make a mistake at work he will fix it and back me up even if I’m wrong and even to his boss, he is always checking I’m okay and making sure no one has upset me, he used to ask other colleagues about me even after work hours but now we’ve gotten quite close he will just ask me instead, he knows me inside out and I’ve only known him less than 6 months, he looks at me and he knows how in feeling without me saying a word. No one else can read me like that but he can.

He teases me almost constantly, about everything, he’s always playing me up and laughing and joking.
He stares at me a lot, I’ll look up and he will be looking, or he will enter a room and we will make instant eye contact sometimes he will give me a little smile, sometimes he will move his head just to keep eye contact, if he makes a joke he will look over to me, sometimes even when he’s talking with another colleague he stares at me so much I have in the past actually thought he was talking to me.

He touches me ‘accidentally’ when I pass him something his fingers will touch mine and it will linger, I think he stroked my hand once before, he has put his arm round me or he will touch my arm when I pass him or playfully push me, he will stand really close we will be touching our arms will be touching or on occasions I’ve been leaning against him.

He’s done other things in the past too like winking at me, noticing if I’ve got a tan, or will comment on my perfume but these things aren’t exactly complimented it’s more like that smells nice like a scented candle or you’ve had a spray tan that’s not real… Leaning close when we’re working, asking me to stand next to him rather than opposite, sitting with his legs wide open and me really close, catching my eye with little smiles across the room, telling visitors about me and sharing knowing looks between us quite a lot. He will come to me if he needs a pen or a print off or anything but has to pass other colleagues desk to get to me.

He’s so gentlemanly with me, let’s me go first, holds doors open etc. I know he doesn’t do all of these things with other colleagues even women he is friends with, he will tell them off if he needs to, he will be a bit of an idiot to them, he doesn’t share his personal things with them like he does me he doesn’t really make as much of an effort like he does with me but he’s so different with them, loud and talking about good looking women etc he won’t be like that with me ever.

But in saying all of this… He won’t text me back, he makes intense eye contact but I think he does that with others too, he shows positive body language sometimes but not always, he can be quite loud and flirtatious with much older married colleagues, sometimes he won’t look at me, and can be like I don’t exist, sometimes he is just busy but sometimes I just feel like not connected and like he’s not making any effort, sometimes he will find reasons to keep me talking and ask for my help with everything rather than taking it to the right person who’s job it is but other times he won’t give me anything.
I do make quite a bit of effort with him to talk him when we are on our own but I’m worried I don’t want to make it too obvious I like him so then I back right off and I know I’m blowing hot and cold too.

But I’m worried he will be put off if he doesn’t like me and he knows I like him. Our colleagues have noticed our closeness, they’ve joked that I’m his favourite and that we know a lot about eachother, but mostly our ‘moments’ are away from their eyes and I try not to mention anything. Sometimes we both will say something and a colleague will be surprised we know that about each other but mostly they don’t seem too bothered. I’ve heard him telling them off or speaking abruptly with them but he’s never been like that to me, I’ve heard him be crude with them, but he never is with me. Once he told one of them he was taking me out for a drink but it was said in jest I think but he said it when I was out of the office.

So sorry this is long and thank you so so much for reading, please give me some advice? And please be kind I know he’s my boss and it’s not ideal, I just can’t understand if this is my mind playing tricks on me or if he does feel something!

[AskApril Masini]

He definitely likes you! 🙂 And…. office romances are tricky for the obvious reasons! On the other hand — it makes a lot of sense that single people meet other single people at work, where we all spend most of our lives. It’s important that you don’t let your feelings interfere with your work, and you shouldn’t come right out and tell him you like him — but it’s definitely okay to let him know with your flirtation — just make sure that it doesn’t interfere with your work or the work dynamic the two of you have.

If he wants to ask you out on a date, he will. If he doesn’t (for whatever reason you may or may not know about), he won’t. The trick for you is to not let this become a distraction to your work or keep you from missing out on other dating opportunities because you’re putting all your eggs in one basket — when there isn’t yet a dating situation.

I hope this helps. Let me know how it goes — and if you have any other questions.

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