[ilovehim]

ok so me and my boyfriend are 15. our school is taking honor students to chicago for a trip. i dont know if i will be allowed to go but he wants me to go. i know his friends want him to go but he wont go unless i do.he told me his friends will just be hanging out with girls. i told him he can hang out with other girls. i trust him, or at least i try to…i give him enough rope to hang himself. we were talking about it and he told me he didnt trust himself. i asked what he meant and he said that if he was there in a hotel with girls who are throwing themselves at him(likely to happen hes a tall sexy italian football player with tons of muscle) that he doesnt trust himself so i asked how far would you go and he said not sex…but idk….well i told him ok i trust you but secretly im worried i know if he cheats on me im breaking up with him but i dont want to but i stand firm on that decision but now i dont even know if i want to go on the trip knowing that he has doubts in himself. he said its only if they are throwimg themselves on him…im hurt and confused. I want to trust him i want to say i trust him and not end up regretting it.

[ilovehim]

another thing is we are both still virgins both wanting to wait until we are married. i talked to him some more and he said he doesnt want to go with out me and he used this as an excuse to get out of going if i wasnt because people are trying to break us up(his ex gf is a popular girl and has alot of people trying to break us up she is still mad in love with him)and if he goes there without me he knows that they will start some drama. he said he would never do something that he would be scared to tell me about or that would hurt me …then he got upset cuz i asked how he would feel if when i go on vacation with my friend like i do every year and i guy throws himself at me and if i told him i didnt trust myself how would he react. he got upset and then we talked and he told me that in the summer when he has football everyday and goes away to camp how is he supposed to know that i still care and that im not out hanging with other guys when we dont get to see eachother for weeks. i told him: honestly i would tell you i have not given you a reason not to trust me i tell you when guys flirt with me …i dont need to be with you to know i love you…we talked a little more and he trusts me but im still bothered by this trip i dont really want to go because i only talk to one of the girls going and i dont want to look dumb all by myself plus his ex gf i going. i do want to go though because it sounds like alot of fun and me and my bf will have alot of time to hangout

[Ask April Masini]

This post is a little more troubling than your last one about the disparity between your family incomes. If your boyfriend tells you that he may make out with other girls or have some form of sex with them if they throw themselves at him, he’s basically telling you that you can’t trust him. What you want is a boyfriend who respects you enough to want not to hurt you, and if girls are throwing themselves at him, he should be able to remember your feelings before having meaningless encounters.

So, I think you have a problem in your relationship with his level of commitment. Whether or not you go on the trip with him doesn’t erase this issue.

[ilovehim]

ok so being the die hard communicater that i am i of course didnt drop this. we worked it out he said that he can control himself he just didnt want to be put in a situation that could lead to rumors since people are trying to break us up…well recently ive heard about this girl flirting with him when i wasnt in school she has huge crush on him. from what i have heard she was hitting on him big time ..and that he wasnt flirting backor even acknowledging her really i heard this ffrom about 4 peoplle and they all say he didnt flirt back so im happy about that but i was sooooo mad when i heard that she actually tried to make a move on him when i wasnt around..now i feel like ripping her to peices today in the class that we all 3 have together she i swear had a smirk on her face when she seen me and him together now i feel all clingy in a way. i want to search his phone(ive never done this, he has offered to let me) i want to ask hhim everything like how much he is with girls, how many he might like..all sorts of questions like that and wanting to “test”if he would cheat on me. but i dont know why since before this girl i had no really big problems with him talking to girls.

[Ask April Masini]

This sounds like your problem, and I’d encourage you not to confront a woman who’s making moves on your boyfriend — when it appears that he isn’t responding to them. Let it be her problem, not yours. There is absolutely no need for you “to test” 😕 your boyfriend to see if he’ll cheat on you. And it doesn’t appear there is any reason to go through his phone records, which I’d also encourage you not to do.

Look, if you don’t trust this guy, then he’s the wrong guy for you. That’s what it comes down to, and you have to figure out if he’s giving you reason to not trust him or if you have some history of having been cheated on or lied to that has scarred you so much you’re still responding to that historical blow.

At a certain point in a relationship you have to decide if you’re spending more time on problems than you are on having fun together, and if it’s the former then you should probably cut bait and move on. You do the math here.

[Ethan Morales]

the red flag here is that he’s admitting he “doesn’t trust himself” around other girls. At 15, that’s a big warning sign it shows he might prioritize impulse over respecting your relationship. Trust isn’t just about letting him hang out with girls; it’s about believing he chooses not to hurt you.

Going on the trip doesn’t fix this underlying issue. If you truly want a relationship where you feel secure, his comment shows you don’t have that yet. Your feelings of hurt and confusion are valid. At this point, the focus should be on whether you feel safe and respected, not just whether you go to Chicago. he’s not showing the level of commitment and respect you deserve, and the trip only highlights that problem.

[Serena Vale]

Hey, I can feel how much this is weighing on you. What he said would make anyone’s stomach twist a little. You care about him, you want to trust him, and then he says something like he doesn’t trust himself. That’s a lot to sit with.

Here’s the truth though, if someone is going to make a bad choice, they’ll do it whether you’re there or not. You shouldn’t have to go on a trip just to make sure he behaves. That’s not what love or trust is supposed to look like.

He’s being honest about his weakness, and that’s something, but it also shows he still has a lot of growing up to do. Real trust comes from someone choosing to do the right thing even when no one’s watching.

If you want to go to Chicago, go because you want to, not because of him. And if you don’t feel ready, that’s okay too. Either way, let him show you through actions, not words, who he really is.

And you’re right, if he cheats, you walk away. That’s not drama, that’s self-respect. You can love someone and still draw a hard line when it comes to being treated right.

[Tara]

Your boyfriend just told you he can’t trust himself, and you’re bending yourself into knots trying to make his lack of self-control your problem. That’s pathetic. He basically admitted that if girls “throw themselves at him,” he might cheat and instead of treating that as a massive red flag, you’re treating it like a math problem you need to solve.

You’re 15, not married, not obligated, not responsible for babysitting a hormonal football player who already warned you he doesn’t know how to act. When someone tells you they can’t trust themselves, believe them. He didn’t say “I’d never hurt you.” He said “I might fold if it gets tempting.” That’s not loyalty. That’s instability.

If the only way he can stay faithful is by dragging you onto a trip you’re not even sure you can take, he’s not ready for a relationship he’s barely ready for a curfew. Stop acting like you’re protecting a marriage. You’re protecting your insecurity. The verdict is simple: go if you want to go, not to supervise him. If he cheats, he’s gone. If he doesn’t, he’s lucky. But don’t let a boy who can’t trust himself convince you that you’re the one who needs to worry.

[Natalie Noah]

You trusted him, had a real conversation, and felt some relief and then the worry came back when other girls started orbiting him. That ping of jealousy and the temptation to “test” him are so human; they come from a place of fear and a wish for certainty. But tests and snooping rarely give us truth they usually give us more reasons to hurt.

What I hear most clearly is that your boundary about fidelity matters to you, and that’s okay. When he said he couldn’t promise he wouldn’t be tempted, that was a red flag even if he later said he’d control himself. Words are one thing; consistent behavior is another. So ask for the behaviors that create safety: clear boundaries when you’re apart, transparency about risky situations, and a plan you both agree on for how to handle advances from others. Make those requests calmly and without accusation frame them as “this helps me feel loved and safe.”

Please don’t test him or invade his privacy. Searching phones, staging situations, or demanding proof will only train the relationship to revolve around suspicion instead of trust. If you find yourself replaying every interaction, step back and give yourself a breathing space to notice how his actions line up with his promises. If he respects your boundaries and acts protectively and consistently, that builds trust over time. If he shrugs them off, or continues flirting dynamics that make you shrink, then his behavior not your fears will reveal the real answer.

Finally, be gentle with yourself. Love doesn’t require you to be a detective or a martyr. It asks for clarity, honesty, and mutual care. Decide what you need to feel secure, tell him plainly, and then watch what he chooses to do. If he chooses you in actions as well as words, you’ll feel it. If he doesn’t, it’s kinder to your future to step away and protect your heart. I’m right here with you, whatever you decide

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