[verystressed]

The man I am dating is 38 and I am 45 so we are not children and should not be playing childish games but it seems that is what we do. We both want our relationship to work but we cannot afford much needed counseling. We started out as Facebook friends and eventually began dating. Nothing was posted on his page to show we were in a relationship because he said his daughter wasn’t ready for him to start dating. He started requesting all my male friends as friends which I didn’t mind. I in turn requested his friends male and female. I explained who I was and why I was requesting them. (new acct and bf thought we should have same friends) Turns out I was the other woman. He still denies it but this other woman’s mother was also a friend of my bf and she wrote me back sarcastically thanking me for ruining her daughters relationship. He still denies he was seeing anyone and insists these people aren’t all there. I decided to work through things with him but he is very jealous, has no trust, and anger issues. (Never physical). I have the same issues with him. I only lied to him once. I sent a text to my ex husband about our son. My ex wrote back and mentioned he couldn’t go to an important meeting out of town because of car trouble. I said I was sorry to hear that. That was the end of the conversation. I lied because my bf becomes augmentative when my ex and I text although it is about our child mostly and every now and then a sentence that does not. Also, we only text when I give my ex updates or pics which is not daily or even weekly. I started a Myspace acct last night and he found it instantly somehow and accused me of starting it to meet men. Untrue and I was going to tell him about it. He thinks I am hiding things if I delete texts or email. (I hate to have a ton of read messages. I have always deleted them. My bf goes to his ex’s FB page to get pics of his daughter so I figured I would unblock my ex so he could do the same. I thought this way my ex could get pics and updates without my having to contact him except in emergencies. My bf found out and became furious that I unblocked him. I explained why and his response was that he would appreciate it until the time comes when I sneak a text to my ex anyway. He has called me sl–, a c word and others during arguments. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have never cheated or wanted to. He checks my mail, everything in my FB acct including names I’ve looked up, and the computer history. We had a huge fight the other day and I kicked him out. He showed up last night unannounced expecting to catch me doing things I shouldn’t. He checked everything on the computer even and found nothing. He said he was pleasantly surprised which angered me but I let it go. On his way home he sent a text letting me know he still knows I am hiding things and lying. How can we work through our trust and anger issues as well as communication skills?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your title, “My boyfriend is causing a lot of issues,” is one way of looking at your problem, but I think it’s avoiding the real point here which is that [u]you’ve chosen to date a man who is clearly troubled and will never be Mr. Right[/u], and will be a terrible step-father for your child. 😳 Never date a man for his potential. Accept who he is, and decide if you should continue dating him. In this case, you shouldn’t because you think you’re going to change him, and the changes necessary are not changes you can make. 😕

I’m glad you admit that you are playing games. Now it’s time to admit you’re in the wrong relationship. As a single parent, dating is different. You have to be very careful who you bring around, and this guy shouldn’t be coming around. Ask yourself what you found attractive about someone with so many control issues as well as some truth-telling problems. 😕

My advice is that you move on and find someone who is a much better match for you. But you have to be honest with yourself about what you want in life. If it’s truly Mr. Right, be more discriminating and be more honest with yourself about what it is you’re looking for, and who’s in front of you when the next guy comes along.

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url] 😀

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