My boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 months. We are both 25, but this is his first relationship (I’ve had one long-term relationship that lasted 5.5 years, and several shorter ones). When we first started dating, we went to see a counselor together, since he was very nervous about being intimate (both emotionally and physically) with someone, since he hadn’t even kissed anyone before. As a result of starting out that way, we’ve always been extremely honest with each other. He says that he’s told me all of his secrets, and I’ve told him virtually everything about myself.
He told me from the beginning that it’s likely that he’ll need to take things slowly, since everything is so new to him. I said I was fine with that. Things progressed physically (although we haven’t slept together yet); however, I was frustrated by the fact that I felt he wasn’t opening up emotionally (he kept saying he was scared of becoming too attached and getting hurt) and I actually ended up breaking up with him. It really hurt him, and I immediately regretted my rash decision, and we got back together after 4 days. This all happened at the beginning of January.
Since then, I think his feelings grew stronger, and he said he thought he was falling in love with me about 2.5 weeks ago. My feelings for him have become very strong (I think I’m falling in love with him, too).
However, about a week and a half ago, we had a big fight. It ended with him thinking that I had made up the fact that my apartment had been broken into in order to get him to come over to my place after we had squabbled about something stupid. I got really upset at that ridiculous accusation, and he said he had to take a few days to think about whether this relationship was right for him. After 5 days, he finally decided I wasn’t making it up, apologized to me profusely, and said he was just a little turned off by the fact that I tend to be so overanalytical and oversensitive. I said I would work on that, and things were great.
Last week, he suggested going on vacation together, he’s very excited about our Valentine’s Day plans, he makes out with me at virtually every opportunity, etc. Tonight, he suggested we go salsa dancing together, but when we were there, he mentioned that since the big fight he’s felt less close to me. I said I think it’s natural to feel less close after a big fight, and he said he’s not sure what to do. He said he wants things to work out, but he doesn’t want to force something that isn’t natural. I talked to him about putting work into a relationship, and after the conversation, he said he felt more close to me. We then danced a few more songs and he was VERY affectionate physically. When he walked me home, he said he enjoyed talking to me so much, and that he was so excited to give me my Valentine’s Day present. He then made sure we were going to meet up tomorrow. However, before we parted ways, he said “In order for me to feel secure, I need you to be secure, too.” I’m not even sure what that means.
I am so incredibly confused. I am falling for this guy (despite all of this drama, he’s usually incredibly sweet), but does he have too many issues with emotional intimacy for this to be worth it? Am I just going to get hurt?
