[rhondayjenkins]

I am 38 years old and have been dating and living with a guy that’s 60 years old for three years. At first he had his own place but ended up losing his job. We agreed that he move in because he is the reason I was able to move in my house. Our relationship was so wonderful when he had his own place but changed once he moved in. We haven’t been intimate in over six months. My reason that I choose not to be intimate with him is because a while ago we was being intimate, and he told me that I needed to lose weight. That kind of tore me down and every since then I have been shame to even do anything with him. I started going to a gym on a regular basis and when I started toning up, he claims that I am trying to look good for someone. He wanted me to lose some weight so I was doing just that. HE’s never satisfied. He recently moved out. I asked him for a second chance even though it is both of our faults the relationship ended like this.
His response to that comment was that he still loves me but we should just be friends and that he needs space and time. My comment to that was Friends?? He said Close Friends. So I asked him what is his definition of close friends. He said we will still do things together, call each other, visit each other, etc.
The night of the day he moved out I called him thinking we could get together and talk because when he left I had company that was helping me move some things in the house. He acted cold, quick and kind of brushed me off when I asked him about seeing his new apartment. He said didn’t I tell you I needed space. So I decided to give him space. The next day was mother’s day and he blew up my cell phone and house phone trying to get me to come over. HE also asked me what I was doing since it was mother’s day. I told him that I wanted to be by myself. We ended up talking that Monday and I told him that I think it is best if we just cut all ties between each other because I wasn’t dealing with the so-called break up too well. He asked me why I always made things so final and that he loves me and don’t want me to talk to anyone else. But the last thing I told him was it was the last time we was going to talk. I guess he thought I was just talking because that next morning he called and called to my house, he called all day during work and called me that night. I didn’t answer none of his calls. Late that night I finally answered his call and he was going off saying he have been calling and calling and why haven’t I been answering his calls. He also said that if he had a heart attack or a stroke at his apartment and he’s there by himself and can’t get in touch with me. So I told him that he asked for space and that’s what I was giving. He then said he didn’t agree with me when I said he shouldn’t be friends at first, but since I ignored his calls he is beginning to agree with me. He’s so confusing!!! Now since I don’t call him as much, I started being active with my music (I’m a musician) and rejecting all of his invites to his apartment, he has been calling me asking me where I’m at, and what I’m doing. I have recently joined a gospel group and he wants to join too. He called me one Saturday when I had company wanting me to come over but I told him that I had company. Then that SUnday he called wanting to know if I was going to church. I told him yes and I asked him was he going to church and he said yes. After that he asked me why did I want to know if he was going to church but I told him I was just asking because he asked me. I think he wanted to come out and ask if he could go with me but wanted me to initiate it. When I do initiate things for us to do or to just spend some time together, he acts quick with me like he is tired or have something to do. But when I don’t call him, he is calling me wanting me to come over or trying to find ways where we can see each other. I don’t know what to do. Let me go back a little. That Saturday morning when he was moving out his cell phone rung but he was outside.
I so happen to be walking by and glanced over at his phone and “Annette” lit up on his phone. I didn’t ask him about it then but that night when I called him to see if we could spend some time together to talk, that was when he gave me the cold shoulder and reminded me that he needed space. So I asked him about Annette. THis is what he told me. He said Annette is someone that he met at church. She is on the praise team and they have been going over the Bible together and she has been helping him get in touch with his spirituality. He said she isn’t the type of person that is into relationships because she is saved. He said he don’t have anything to hide. So I told him well if you really wanted this relationship to work out why wasn’t she mentioned or introduced before. I feel that if she’s a spiritual person, she could have met with both of us. I also said if you both spend more time with each other, feelings will start to develop. HE says it’s not going to happen because he is trying to get himself straight. So I told him how that made me feel and that he is doing things with her that I want me and him to do. What do you conclude from all this??? He did some things wrong to me but the things I did to him were horrible. Everytime we get into an argument I would tell him to get out. That’s what he did and now I wish you hadn’t left. Well it may be good that he moved out, but I wish we still could be a couple. Tell me what you gather from the information above. IF you call me, call after 5 PM when I get off work. Thanks

[AskApril Masini]

I hope you can use this experience to realize that men want to be the aggressor in the relationship. They want to chase women and win them over. You threw yourself at him in the beginning of the relationship and he lost interest after you did so. 😳 Once he moved out and you played hard to get (without meaning to), he “blew up your cell phone” calling and chasing you.

I think you should read a book I’ve written for women who want to find Mr. Right, get him — and keep him! It’s called Think & Date Like A Man, and you can download it for $15.95 here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. This book will help you a lot and give you tips and advice as well as basic tenets for understanding how not to make the mistakes you’ve just made.

For now, you have to understand that he’s not Mr. Right. You need to figure out if you want someone who has certain qualities to share your life with — or just anyone, because either way, this guy doesn’t fit the bill. He’s not that interested in you and he’s exploring relationships with other women and you’ve stumbled upon one of those relationships. He’s entitled to do so — and so are you. I’d suggest you do. Respect his need for space, and understand that that need for a new place after three years of dating at age 60 means he is not the guy for you. That man is still out there! 😀

[rhondayjenkins]

When I don’t call him, he calls me. He asked for space and that was what I was trying to give him. Now he wants to join a gospel group with me. Why is he wanting to do the same things I am doing. I really love him and wonder if we could salvage this relationship. Should I step back and see what direction he is going with this friendship? So what exactly does it mean when a man says he need space? Do you think he is seeing someone else? If so, why when I ask him if there is someone else he tells me no? If he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me, why hang on to me as a friend? He told me the other day that joining the gospel group with me is something we could do together and that he loves me but I didn’t respond to that comment. Should I have told him I love him too? He gives off mixed feelings and I don’t know where his mind is when it comes to him and I. I talked to a preacher that I confide in and he told me I need to tell him that friendship will not do and either we are in a relationship or not and tell him that I need to go on with my life. But at the same time, that preacher is trying to date me and I don’t like him like that. I just wanted to hear from a man’s prospective about the situation thinking I can better understand how my ex is thinking. He called me this morning to say good morning and he does that every morning. It is almost like it was when we first met as far as him calling and making sure I am ok. What should I do???????

[AskApril Masini]

Read the book I advised you to read in my last post to you, Think & Date Like A Man! It [b]will[/b] help you understand how [i]to get and keep[/i] the man you want! You can download it here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. I’m not just trying to sell books here — I’m trying to help you. This book will give you everything you need to know in an organized, easy to read format. It’s cheap! (Only $15.95) And it downloads immediately.

Read it and come back to me with any questions you have after reading.

You can also check out my advice and my AskApril friends at the AskApril.com Facebook Group at this link: [url][/url].

I hope that helps you! 😀

[christopher]

I think you should not worry if he moved out to have space.If you really love and if you have given such good time to him so once there would be the situation where he feel alone.However he has some other girlfriend with him.If he have something like heart so he has come back.I would like you advice you create the situation where he fall against your love.

[AskApril Masini]

[b]Christopher[/b] gave you some great advice. Be the woman who gets the man! 😆

[Ethan Morales]

His behavior is inconsistent and emotionally confusing. One minute he wants space, the next he’s blowing up your phone and asking to see you. That flip-flop is classic avoidance plus cling he wants the comfort of you without the accountability of commitment. That’s not stability. That’s emotional whiplash.

The weight comment and your past reactions matter. You said you stopped being intimate after he insulted you about your weight understandably. That kind of comment cuts deep and explains why you’ve been guarded. When you started working on yourself and he accused you of doing it “for someone else,” that was gaslighting. Bottom line: he’s not supporting you the way a partner should.

The Annette situation is a red flag, not definitive proof of betrayal but a clear cause for concern. He hid or downplayed her presence and then acted cold when you asked. That’s either poor communication or a cover-up. Either way, you deserve openness especially after the trust has already been dented.

His push-pull (acting distant when you initiate, suddenly eager when you withdraw) is manipulative whether he means it or not. People do this when they want control without responsibility. He gets the benefit of your attention when you chase and the freedom to step back when he’s uncomfortable. That dynamic will wear you down.

What you need and deserve is clarity and boundaries. Don’t get passive in your hurt or let him dictate the terms. Tell him plainly: either we commit to repairing this with clear behaviors (no belittling, openness about friendships that affect us, and consistent effort) or we separate for real. If he wants space, let him have it but set a time limit and expectations for what “space” means.

Focus on yourself. You’ve been rebuilding (music, gospel group, getting active) keep that up. Show him you’re not sitting around waiting; you’re living. If he comes back willing to do the hard work honestly, consider slow, verifiable steps toward reconciliation. If he won’t, don’t romanticize him staying in your life as “close friends.” Close friends don’t repeatedly undermine your dignity.

[Natalie Noah]

There’s a lot going on, but the central tension seems to be a mixture of unresolved feelings, miscommunication, and mismatched expectations. She loves him and wants to salvage the relationship, but he’s sending mixed signals: on one hand asking for space and moving out, on the other hand calling frequently, wanting to do activities together, and keeping close tabs on her life. It’s confusing and emotionally exhausting for her, and she’s struggling to interpret his intentions or decide how to respond.

The behavior he’s exhibiting is common in men who are unsure about their commitment or who have unresolved issues of their own. Moving out and asking for space indicates he feels the relationship isn’t entirely working for him, but his persistent calls, interest in shared activities, and involvement in her life suggest he doesn’t want a complete break either. Often, this is a sign of ambivalence he may care about her and enjoy her presence, but he’s not ready to take full responsibility for a committed, intimate relationship. That inconsistency keeps her emotionally tethered while he maintains a sense of control over the situation.

Rhonda’s experience also reflects how past behavior and unresolved conflicts can continue to influence a relationship long after the immediate issues have happened. She’s clearly aware of how her actions such as telling him to leave during arguments have impacted the relationship, and she feels regret. At the same time, he has exhibited behavior, like the weight comment and his new involvement with another woman, that has undermined her sense of safety and trust. These dynamics create a push-pull effect: she’s simultaneously drawn to him and wary of being hurt again, and he seems to be doing something similar on his end.

The advice April Masini gives is practical: Rhonda needs to step back and evaluate what she truly wants from a partner and a relationship, rather than getting caught up in the cycle of chasing and retreating. If he is genuinely interested in a committed relationship, his actions should reflect consistency and respect for her needs, not just sporadic attention when it’s convenient or when she withdraws. His need for “space” and mixed messages suggest he’s not ready or willing to provide that level of commitment right now, and Rhonda needs clarity to protect her own emotional well-being.

The healthiest path for Rhonda is to focus on herself her passions, interests, and personal growth and set clear boundaries with him. She can still care for him, but she doesn’t have to tolerate ambiguity or behavior that leaves her anxious or insecure. If he is serious about a relationship, he will show it through consistent, respectful actions, not just words. Until that happens, she should prioritize her own stability and self-respect, which is the foundation for any healthy, long-term connection.

[Tara]

This man has been stringing you along, manipulating your emotions, and feeding off the control he has over your insecurity. You’re not in a relationship; you’re in a cycle of dependency, guilt, and confusion that he benefits from. And you’re letting it happen because you keep mistaking his inconsistency for love.
He insulted your body during intimacy; that alone is enough to end a relationship permanently. But instead of recognising that as disrespect, you internalised it and punished yourself. You went to the gym because he told you to, not because you wanted to. And when you actually improved yourself, he accused you of trying to impress someone else. That’s not concern, that’s insecurity, control, and emotional sabotage.
He moved out, told you he wants to be “close friends,” but simultaneously doesn’t want you talking to other men. Translation: he wants all the access to you without any responsibility. He wants you on the shelf, waiting, available, but not committed. That’s the oldest manipulative game in the book, and you’re falling for it because you keep confusing attention with affection.

The reason he blows hot and cold is simple: he only wants you when you pull away. The second you show interest, he withdraws. The second you withdraw, he panics and pulls you back in. That’s not love; that’s emotional yo-yoing designed to keep you unsteady and unsure. And you’re responding exactly how he wants by doubting yourself, clinging harder, and chasing clarity from someone who thrives on being unclear.

Let’s address “Annette.” He didn’t tell you about her because he didn’t want to. People don’t hide friendships they’re proud of; they hide replacements. His explanation is convenient, rehearsed, and designed to look innocent. And you know it, which is why you brought her up at all. You don’t trust it because it isn’t trustworthy.

Now here’s the part you refuse to admit: you begged for a second chance from a man who already decided he’s done being your partner. You’re clinging to the memory of the early relationship instead of accepting the reality in front of you. And the reality is this, he’s out, he’s exploring other connections, and he only keeps you orbiting so he doesn’t lose his safety net.

[Sally]

It sounds like you’ve been pulled back and forth for a long time, and anyone would be exhausted. When a man says he needs space but still wants to know where you are every minute, that’s not love that’s control mixed with loneliness. And honestly, it sounds like he liked you more when you made yourself small for him.

The thing that sticks with me is how quiet you were about your own pain. You tried to fix things while he kept changing the rules. That wears a person down.
I don’t know if he’s a bad guy, but he’s not giving you the kind of steady love you’re hoping for. Sometimes the real answer shows up when everything finally gets still.

[Member]

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