[Kayla]

My boyfriend has a competitive nature that has gone from a playful quirk to an exhausting reality of our relationship. Everything is a contest for him. It’s not just about board games anymore; it’s about who’s had a more stressful day at work, who is more tired, who is better at navigating, or even who gets more attention from the dog. If I share a success, his immediate reaction is to share a bigger success of his own.

This constant one-upmanship has killed my feeling of being on a team with him. Instead of a supportive partner, I feel like I have a rival who I can never please. I’ve tried to point this out, but he just laughs and says that’s who he is. How do I explain to him that his need to “win” is making me feel like we’re both losing in this relationship?

[Ask April Masini]

You feel like you’re both losing, but let’s be honest, he thinks he’s winning and you’re losing.

Your boyfriend has already shown you who he is, a self-centered man who tears down the person he’s with just to lift himself up.

So the real question is, who are you, Kayla? Are you the woman who allows her boyfriend to crush her confidence so he can feel powerful? If so, then yes, he’s the right match for you.

But if that doesn’t sit right in your gut, if you know you deserve better, then you already have your answer. You’re with the wrong man.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe, he’s not competing, he’s auditioning for a trophy you never agreed to give. 🙄 every convo turns into a scoreboard and you’re stuck playing a game you didn’t sign up for. tell him it’s not sexy to treat love like a tournament. either he learns to chill or you start manifesting a man who claps for you without keeping score. 💅

[Heart Whisperer]

I understand this more than I’d like to admit. My husband and I went through something similar. It started with lighthearted teasing and slowly turned into subtle competition. It can wear you down when every moment feels like a scorecard instead of a partnership.

What helped me was stepping out of that cycle. When he made comparisons, I tried not to match them. I would acknowledge what he said and bring the focus back to “we.” For example, instead of saying “I had a long day too,” I’d say “Sounds like we both need a quiet night.” Over time, that shift changed how we talked to each other.

You can tell him gently that his need to win makes you feel like you’re on opposite sides. Sometimes people don’t see how their habits affect the relationship until we calmly point it out. It’s okay to want peace more than victory. A healthy relationship should feel like a team, not a contest.

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