[Madison]

I’m 25 and have been living with my boyfriend for almost three years. We aren’t married, but we had been talking about it for a while. I honestly thought we were both on the same page about building a future together.

We share an apartment and even opened a joint savings account a few years ago. The plan was to use that money for a down payment on a house when we were ready. Last week, I logged into the account to move some money for bills and saw that almost all of it was gone. Nearly eighteen thousand dollars.

When I asked him, he admitted he used the money to buy a motorcycle, gear, insurance, and even pay for a few weekend trips with his friends. I was completely shocked. We had never even talked about him wanting a motorcycle, and I definitely didn’t agree to spend our entire savings on it.

He told me that he had been dreaming about it for years and felt like life was passing him by while we were just saving for “someday.” He said he didn’t tell me because he knew I would try to talk him out of it. Hearing that hurt more than seeing the empty account. I thought we were a team. I would never make such a big decision without asking him first.

It isn’t just about the money, even though losing that much makes me feel sick. It’s about the trust. If he can go behind my back for something this big, what else could he hide in the future?

He keeps saying I’m overreacting and that it’s just money. He believes we’ll save more later. But to me, this was about our future together, and right now I don’t even know if he sees me in that future anymore.

We’ve been arguing nonstop since it happened. I can’t stop wondering if I can ever trust him again. If I marry him, am I signing up for a lifetime of secrets and selfish choices?

How do I know if this relationship can be fixed after something like this, or if it’s time to let it go?

[Author]

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