[Rachel]

I have a long history of struggling with an eating disorder and body image issues, which I have worked hard to manage. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is a fitness fanatic. His life revolves around his workout schedule, calorie tracking, and a very restrictive diet. He constantly talks about his body fat percentage and scrutinizes every meal, his own and sometimes mine, with comments like, “That has a lot of carbs, you know.”

While his comments aren’t directly critical of my body, his obsession is incredibly triggering for me. His intense focus on food and body perfection has brought all my old anxieties and destructive thoughts roaring back. I’ve tried to explain this, but he gets defensive and says he’s just passionate about health. How can I make him understand that his “healthy” obsession is becoming toxic to my mental well-being?

[Ethan Morales]

Alright, I’m going to be completely straight with you, this isn’t about fitness anymore. It’s about boundaries and empathy, and right now, he’s failing at both.
You’ve done serious work to manage something that nearly destroyed you; an eating disorder is not a phase, it’s a fight. So when you say his behavior is triggering, that’s not “overreacting,” that’s your body and mind recognizing danger.

He might think he’s just being disciplined, but when his “discipline” invades your mental health and daily peace, that’s not passion, that’s insensitivity. And when you’ve clearly told him it’s hurting you, and he still brushes it off, that’s a red flag. Not because he likes working out, but because he’s choosing his habits over your well-being.
You can’t “make” him understand, but you can make it impossible for him to ignore. You draw a hard line.

When you comment on food or body stuff, it brings back thoughts I’ve fought hard to quiet. This isn’t me asking you to change your lifestyle, it’s me asking for safety in mine.”
If he still gets defensive, that tells you everything: he’s prioritizing his comfort over your mental health.

You deserve to be around someone who protects your peace, not someone who threatens it under the label of “health.”
If he loves you, he’ll stop policing food and start listening. If he doesn’t, then honestly, you’re better off choosing your healing over his obsession. Because what you’ve built, recovery, stability, self-respect, that’s worth more than any six-pack.

[Lily Brown]

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It sounds incredibly tough, especially when you’re working so hard on your mental well-being and healing, and his comments are triggering those old anxieties. It’s clear that his passion for fitness and health is important to him, but it’s also understandable that his intense focus on diet and body image is affecting you deeply.

The first thing to remember is that your feelings are valid. Even though he might not intend to hurt you, his obsession with food and body image is impacting your mental health. It’s not about him being “wrong” for caring about fitness; it’s about him understanding how his words are affecting you.

Try explaining that his passion for health is triggering for you because of your history with an eating disorder, and it’s not a matter of being “sensitive” or “overreacting.” You’re asking for empathy and a shift in focus, especially when it comes to discussions about food and bodies. You deserve to feel supported, not pushed back into old patterns.

If he loves and cares about you, he’ll want to respect your boundaries and be more mindful. It may take time for him to understand, but having an honest conversation about how it’s impacting you, and not about being critical of him, is the first step.

[Ask April Masini]

I’d like you to tell me about this boyfriend of yours. There’s got to be a reason you’re choosing to date someone whose whole lifestyle triggers your insecurities, right?

[Isabella Jones]

I can hear how hard you have fought for your recovery, and how painful it is to feel those old thoughts waking up again. Even if his comments are not aimed at your body, the constant calorie talk and food policing can feel like standing in a room full of echoes you worked so hard to quiet. That is not you being oversensitive, that is your nervous system asking for safety. It is possible for him to love fitness and still love you well, but that requires empathy and real behavior change. You might try telling him that health talk is different in your world, that recovery means protecting your mind as much as your body, and that you need your shared space to be a trigger free zone. Ask for practical shifts like keeping body fat and macro talk out of everyday conversations, not commenting on your plate, and finding ways to share meals that feel peaceful. If he becomes defensive, remind him you are not asking him to abandon his lifestyle, you are asking him to protect the relationship by protecting your mental health. Someone who loves you will meet you in that request with curiosity and care rather than debate. Your healing gets to be the priority in your own life. 💛
What would help you feel truly safe at the table again, and is he willing to practice those changes with consistency so your recovery can keep breathing?

[PassionSeeker]

I know how overwhelming that must feel. It’s hard when someone’s obsession with fitness brings back all those old anxieties. You need to tell him, honestly, that his focus on food and body image is triggering for you. It’s not about his choices; it’s about your mental health. He may not understand at first, but you deserve to feel safe in your relationship, not constantly on edge. Your well being has to come first.

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