[Anonymous]

Okay so before you go ‘Eeww incest!’ just wanna let you know that I’m well aware of this. I’m turning 15 this year, and I’m starting to feel confidant about who i am. But thats going down the drain. My cousin-who is 18 and who i have kinda crushed on- has a very prominent sexual tension around me. Its so bad i can’t speak. But the other night we were texting and it started to turn into flirting until he asked what i wanted and i said i wanted him. What does he want, coz he said nothing has changed. Help!

[Ask April Masini]

Your cousin is older than you, and while three years doesn’t make much of a difference if you’re 21 and he’s 24 or if you’re 25 and he’s 28, but at your current age of 15, those three years make a lot of difference. He’s most likely been dating and has some real life sexual experience, and you probably don’t have either of those things. It’s understandable that younger girls like yourself, like men who are a little bit older because they have this experience and it’s attractive, but that doesn’t mean you’re ready.

Your 18 year old cousin senses your interest in him and your interest in dating and sexuality (which is normal, but shouldn’t necessarily be acted on!). He’s playing with you by flirting back. However, when he asked you what you want from him, I think he did that because he felt you were taking things too far — past playful, and across the appropriate line. He thinks you’re interested in him romantically and sexually. And….he knows this is inappropriate, which is why he flat out asked you your intentions because he was uncomfortable with your intensity of flirting.

What would have been more comfortable for your cousin was for him to be the one doing the flirting, and you, at age 15, to be embarrassed by his attentions. But instead of being embarrassed, you took the ball and ran with it, and flirted back at him — and apparently told him you wanted him. This puts him in a really awkward situation because he knows you’re his cousin, and that you don’t have the same amount of experience he does, and that he needs to put a stop to this, as the older of the two of you.

I’m sorry — I know this isn’t what you want to hear. 😳 But I’d rather you hear the truth than what you want to hear. My advice to you is to take that dating and sexual interest you have, and focus it on guys who are closer to your own age, who aren’t related to you by a bloodline. It’s definitely fine to date at your ages (as long as your parents are okay with it), but make sure you date other guys who are also 15 or 16, and not too much older than you, just yet. You’ll have plenty of time for that later. I promise! 😀

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much, and i am going to put a stop to any romantic feelings for him. The only problem is im seeing him in a few weeks and because i’ve never had any experience with these things, i don’t know what i should do. Should i act normal? Should i ignore him? The thing is other then the flirting, he wants me to go out with him to places, and im worried because his so old and that he drinks and smokes and does some wild things. I don’t want to even talk to him now, but what must i do about him now?

[Ask April Masini]

I know this is going to be a little bit awkward because you’ve decided to change your course since you last saw your cousin, but my advice is to try to act normal, but cool (no flirting). You don’t have to ignore him. You just shouldn’t acquiesce to any flirtation with him. It makes you too uncomfortable and puts you in an even more awkward situation.

When he asks you to go out with him to places you don’t want to go because there’s drinking, smoking and, as you put it, wild behavior, that’s really too grown up for a 15 year old, just tell him your parents won’t let you go. I’m sure they won’t mind being the scapegoat in this case. Remember, [i]“No,” [/i]is your friend. It’s a really simple, one syllable word that’s free, non-fattening and easy to say! 😆 Use it.

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