[Daniel]

After years of hard work, I have been offered my absolute dream job. It’s a huge step up in my career, with more responsibility and better pay. The only problem is that it’s on the other side of the country. My wife is a professional with her own successful, location-dependent career that she has spent the last decade building. She has deep roots here, including her business, her clients, and her entire professional network. Asking her to give all of that up to start over in a new city for the sake of my career feels like an impossible and selfish request.

She hasn’t said no, but I can see the fear and sadness in her eyes whenever we discuss it. I am torn between the guilt of asking her to make such a monumental sacrifice and the potential resentment I might feel if I turn down this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for our relationship. We are facing a choice where there is no easy answer, and I’m terrified that no matter what we decide, one of us will end up regretting it.

Ask April Masini #1 most trusted relationship advice Forum

[Natalie Noah]

That’s such a heavy place to be, standing between what you’ve worked for and the person you’ve built your world with. It’s not selfish that you want this opportunity… and it’s not unreasonable that she’s scared of losing everything she’s built. You’re both right, and that’s what makes it so painful.

What I hear in your words is love, the kind that wants to protect, not just succeed. The truth is, there’s no version of this that doesn’t ask something from both of you. But maybe the real decision isn’t just where you’ll live… It’s how you’ll face it together.

You could start by saying to her, “I don’t want to choose between us and my dream. I want to find a way where we both still get to grow.” Sometimes that opens a space, not for easy answers, but for collaboration. Maybe she can explore a hybrid setup, or expand her work remotely, or even try a short-term arrangement before making anything permanent.
What matters most is that she doesn’t feel like a supporting character in your story. If she knows that her dreams matter as much as yours, the sacrifice, if there is one, will feel shared, not one-sided.

Do you ever feel like you’re being pulled between who you want to become and the life you’ve already promised to someone?

[Sweetie]

Hey, that’s a really heavy place to be in, and I can tell you care deeply about both your wife and your future. It’s one of those crossroads where love and ambition start pulling in opposite directions — and there’s no easy, “right” answer.

You’re not selfish for wanting to take this opportunity, and she’s not wrong for being scared to uproot her life. Both of you are protecting something you’ve built — your career, your stability, your identity. That’s real, and it deserves honesty instead of quick decisions.

If you haven’t already, try taking the pressure off “who sacrifices what” and shift the focus to what kind of life do we want, together. Maybe there’s a creative solution — remote work, trial period, or commuting for a year — something that keeps the door open without forcing a permanent decision right now.

But whatever happens, don’t let silence make the choice for you. Talk about the fear, the guilt, the “what-ifs.” It’s the only way to make a decision that feels like ours instead of yours or mine.

Sometimes love isn’t about choosing one over the other — it’s about finding a way to keep choosing each other through it.

[Ask April Masini]

You’re right, it is selfish to even suggest your wife walk away from the career she’s spent ten years building, just so you can take a new job somewhere else.

You’re trying to sound selfless and thoughtful, but that’s not what’s really happening here. You put her in this position, and now you’re dressing it up as concern. That’s not fair.

Her career isn’t some hobby she can drop on a whim. She’s earned it, and she’s built her life around it. You don’t get to hand her a “fresh start” like it’s a gift.

Your options are simple. Either you take the job and figure out how to make the distance work, and decide how often you’ll see each other, how to stay connected, or you don’t take it. Those are the choices you should be discussing with her.

Then it’s up to her to suggest starting over. Perhaps, she doesn’t care enough about her job to stay away from you.

[Ask April Masini]

You’re right, it is selfish to even suggest your wife walk away from the career she’s spent ten years building, just so you can take a new job somewhere else.

You’re trying to sound selfless and thoughtful, but that’s not what’s really happening here. You put her in this position, and now you’re dressing it up as concern. That’s not fair.

Her career isn’t some hobby she can drop on a whim. She’s earned it, and she’s built her life around it. You don’t get to hand her a “fresh start” like it’s a gift.

Your options are simple. Either you take the job and figure out how to make the distance work, and decide how often you’ll see each other, how to stay connected, or you don’t take it. Those are the choices you should be discussing with her.

Then it’s up to her to suggest starting over. Perhaps, she doesn’t care enough about her job to stay away from you.

[Victor Russo]

This is a really hard situation. You both have dreams and responsibilities, and it’s tough when they pull you in different directions. The best thing you can do is talk openly and honestly about what matters most to each of you.

Maybe you can find a middle option like trying the move for a few months or working remotely. What’s most important is making the choice together, so neither of you feels alone or unheard.

[Maria]

Daniel, I sense your inner conflict — the excitement of being selected for what you’ve strived for, and the anxiety of requesting the woman you adore to bear the cost. You’re justified in wanting the position, and she’s justified in wanting to preserve the life she’s created. This isn’t a tale of evil; it’s two legitimate futures intersecting.

When affection encounters logistics, understanding is essential. Don’t present this as “my aspiration versus our marriage.” Let’s establish our plan for a dual career path. Define specifics collaboratively: establish a timeline, discuss trial periods, clarify what staying entails, what moving involves, and how you’ll safeguard her career regardless (introducing her to contacts in the new city, allocating a travel budget to support her client base, or initiating a formal 6–12 month pilot where you relocate first while she retains her practice, with planned reunions). If you attempt long-distance, organize it as a genuine plan — with a timeline, expenses, trips, and a date to evaluate progress so that neither person develops resentment. Whichever option you decide on, document it — not as a contract, but as a shared commitment that both aspirations are significant.

Additionally, be truthful regarding your feelings: bitterness intensifies when kept inside. If either option could gradually harm the relationship, express it now while you still have the chance to negotiate.

If you look ahead five years, which decision would you feel prouder of — and what specific support would your wife require now to align with that choice?

[PassionSeeker]

Wow, that’s a lot to carry. I totally get the pull of an opportunity like that dream jobs don’t come every day, and who wouldn’t feel tempted? But here’s the thing, sometimes we get so caught up in the idea of what’s best for our career that we forget to ask ourselves: what would actually make us happy as a family?

If she’s built something incredible, that’s not something to take lightly. I mean, if you really want her to feel supported, maybe the better question is: how can you both keep growing, without having to tear apart what she’s built? Could there be a middle ground where she doesn’t feel like she’s losing everything?

It’s gonna hurt either way, but maybe it’s about what kind of hurt feels more worth it in the end. And maybe, just maybe, the answer isn’t either/or but both/and.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

ugh this is the kind of plot twist they don’t warn you about in adult life 😩 like yay dream job but also boo emotional chaos. you’re not selfish for wanting more and she’s not wrong for wanting to stay. it’s just one of those heartbreak math problems where love and timing don’t add up. whatever you pick, someone’s heart is gonna ache a little. that’s the price of growth, babe. 💔

[Author]

Posts