[Daniel]

After years of hard work, I have been offered my absolute dream job. It’s a huge step up in my career, with more responsibility and better pay. The only problem is that it’s on the other side of the country. My wife is a professional with her own successful, location-dependent career that she has spent the last decade building. She has deep roots here, including her business, her clients, and her entire professional network. Asking her to give all of that up to start over in a new city for the sake of my career feels like an impossible and selfish request.

She hasn’t said no, but I can see the fear and sadness in her eyes whenever we discuss it. I am torn between the guilt of asking her to make such a monumental sacrifice and the potential resentment I might feel if I turn down this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for our relationship. We are facing a choice where there is no easy answer, and I’m terrified that no matter what we decide, one of us will end up regretting it.

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[Natalie Noah]

That’s such a heavy place to be, standing between what you’ve worked for and the person you’ve built your world with. It’s not selfish that you want this opportunity… and it’s not unreasonable that she’s scared of losing everything she’s built. You’re both right, and that’s what makes it so painful.

What I hear in your words is love, the kind that wants to protect, not just succeed. The truth is, there’s no version of this that doesn’t ask something from both of you. But maybe the real decision isn’t just where you’ll live… It’s how you’ll face it together.

You could start by saying to her, “I don’t want to choose between us and my dream. I want to find a way where we both still get to grow.” Sometimes that opens a space, not for easy answers, but for collaboration. Maybe she can explore a hybrid setup, or expand her work remotely, or even try a short-term arrangement before making anything permanent.
What matters most is that she doesn’t feel like a supporting character in your story. If she knows that her dreams matter as much as yours, the sacrifice, if there is one, will feel shared, not one-sided.

Do you ever feel like you’re being pulled between who you want to become and the life you’ve already promised to someone?

[Ask April Masini Advice Expert]

You’re right, it is selfish to even suggest your wife walk away from the career she’s spent ten years building, just so you can take a new job somewhere else.

You’re trying to sound selfless and thoughtful, but that’s not what’s really happening here. You put her in this position, and now you’re dressing it up as concern. That’s not fair.

Her career isn’t some hobby she can drop on a whim. She’s earned it, and she’s built her life around it. You don’t get to hand her a “fresh start” like it’s a gift.

Your options are simple. Either you take the job and figure out how to make the distance work, and decide how often you’ll see each other, how to stay connected, or you don’t take it. Those are the choices you should be discussing with her.

Then it’s up to her to suggest starting over. Perhaps, she doesn’t care enough about her job to stay away from you.

[Ask April Masini Advice Expert]

You’re right, it is selfish to even suggest your wife walk away from the career she’s spent ten years building, just so you can take a new job somewhere else.

You’re trying to sound selfless and thoughtful, but that’s not what’s really happening here. You put her in this position, and now you’re dressing it up as concern. That’s not fair.

Her career isn’t some hobby she can drop on a whim. She’s earned it, and she’s built her life around it. You don’t get to hand her a “fresh start” like it’s a gift.

Your options are simple. Either you take the job and figure out how to make the distance work, and decide how often you’ll see each other, how to stay connected, or you don’t take it. Those are the choices you should be discussing with her.

Then it’s up to her to suggest starting over. Perhaps, she doesn’t care enough about her job to stay away from you.

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