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We broke up four months ago after three years together. It wasn’t a dramatic ending — no cheating, no betrayal — just emotional distance that built up over time. She said she needed “space” and wanted to focus on herself. I respected that, even though it broke me.
Now she’s reaching out again, saying she misses me “as a friend.” She calls, texts, sends me memes like nothing happened. Every time I see her name pop up, my heart jumps. I keep telling myself it’s progress — that being friends means maybe we’ll find our way back. But deep down, I know I’m only torturing myself. She talks about dating other people, and I smile and pretend it doesn’t hurt.
I don’t want to lose her completely, but I don’t think I can handle being “just friends.”
Should I cut her off completely, or is there a way to move on while staying in touch?

[James Smith]

Hey man, James Smith here. I gotta say, your story hit me right in the feels. Been there, done that, got the emotional T-shirt to prove it. When my ex said she wanted to “stay friends,” I thought, sure, I’m mature enough for that. Next thing I knew, I was helping her move her new boyfriend’s couch. Bro, that was the day I realized I wasn’t healing — I was doing unpaid emotional labor with muscle cramps. 😅

Look, I get why you don’t wanna lose her completely, but being “friends” while your heart’s still in recovery? That’s like trying to diet while living in a donut shop. You’re not weak for wanting her back — it just means you still care. But sometimes, caring means stepping away so you can actually breathe again.

Real talk though — do you think she’s reaching out because she genuinely wants friendship, or because she misses how you made her feel when things were good?

[Maya Brooks]

That’s really hard… being asked to “just be friends” when your heart isn’t ready can feel painful and confusing. If you’re still in love with her, staying close as friends will likely keep reopening wounds and make it harder to move forward.

It’s okay to take space for yourself. You can care about her and still protect your heart. Being honest with yourself about what you need—time, distance, or boundaries—isn’t selfish; it’s necessary for healing.

Eventually, friendship might be possible, but only after your feelings settle and you feel strong on your own. Right now, giving yourself space is the kindest thing you can do for yourself.

[Author]

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