[redpoppy14]

Why does my ex of 3 years who i left initially whilst going through what turned into a total nightmare of an undiagnosed mental condition. I broke his heart after a wonderfully happy 33 year marriage and ran away because i didn’t know what was making me so unhappy (turns out i had major mental health issues which needed attention) I now live on my own and he lives with the woman he cheated on me with as when i first left we were living in separate houses but still together and he was so hurt and she was chasing him and pandering to his wounded pride. He lied that he was seeing her and it drove me further down towards a mental breakdown. After which he told me he wasn’t in love with her and yet she moved in with him into his house and still lives with him. My query is this, while i’ve had some dates and tried to be open to something new happening, i’ve not been able to do any long term dating although i do keep trying. He knows i’m on my own but about a year/18 months ago, he started to give me a kiss on the lips goodbye whenever we meet up anywhere, usually at my mums or his mums or our daughters. This just confuses me. He divorced me not me him – i didn’t want it and he knew that AND he’s with her still in a relationship which he has been in now for the past 5 years. Plus sometimes we’ve hardly talked to one another before these kisses take place or else the chatting is all a bit laboured and all about safe subjects!!
Sorry if this doesn’t read too well but any thoughts would be good to read…………. Pops

[AskApril Masini]

If you don’t want to kiss him on the lips, then don’t. You can turn your head away. You can stop kissing altogether (no cheek kissing either). You can extend your hand to shake hands. You can back away and wave and smile. You can tell him, “Sorry, no more kissing!”

You don’t have to be a victim. Just stop kissing him! 😉

Hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please “like” me on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[redpoppy14]

Thank you April for your reply. I don’t mind the kiss and as i am not in any relationship it doesn’t trouble me, in fact it reassures me that he still thinks a lot of me and in his words ‘i hope we can always kiss each other goodbye when it’s appropriate’ Wouldn’t me being a victim imply that he wants to hurt me? and i know for a fact that he would not want to hurt me. I was with this man for 35 years. Our split wasn’t about us not loving each other, it was about not recognising my undiagnosed mental condition and the subsequent events. I get on with my life and certainly don’t want to be a victim. My question was one of curiosity from his point of view – why the kiss? Pops

[AskApril Masini]

[quote]Wouldn’t me being a victim imply that he wants to hurt me?[/quote]

No. You mentioned that you were confused by his kissing you on the lips, and I was offering you ways to get out of your confusion by not participating in the lip kissing. When you go along with something that confuses you, and you have a choice not to, you’re a victim of your own behavior in the situation.

Hope that clears that up!

[quote]My question was one of curiosity from his point of view – why the kiss? [/quote]

Usually when men kiss you on the lips they’re signaling romance and/or sex. I’m not sure why HE’S kissing you on the lips, but if you like it, you can continue. If you don’t, you get to limit the affection to whatever you want. When you said you were having trouble finding someone to date long term, it seemed like a good idea to limit romantic and sexual behavior with your ex so you don’t get emotionally invested in him because that will keep you from moving on.

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