[hopefulheart]

Hey everyone, I really need some advice because I feel completely torn right now. I’m 20 years old and I met this amazing girl, 26, about four months ago in addiction treatment. Honestly, it felt like love at first sight. We clicked instantly—went on our first date, met her family, and everything seemed perfect. We supported each other in recovery, spent a lot of time together, and it felt like we could be something truly special.
Her parents adore me, and I’ve met her whole family—they all think I’m a good person and treat her well. Things were going so smoothly that we jokingly talked about marriage and kids, and it felt like there was something real and lasting between us.
But about two or three months into our relationship, I went back to Pennsylvania to visit my family for 10 days. The day before I left, I had a small relapse—not with narcotics, just a placebo effect pill I found—but I lied to her at first. Eventually, I came clean, and she was initially angry, but then said she appreciated my honesty and still loved me. I’ve been strong in my sobriety and I know this won’t happen again.
When I returned, things were okay at first, but then she told me she needs space and wants to work on herself. She said she feels I rely on her too much and that I’m too needy, and my slip made her rethink her feelings for me. I tried suggesting we spend less time together but still be close, but she wants a real break and more independence. I respect that because I love her, but it’s so hard for me.
I’m still staying with her and her parents temporarily, and I worry that living there is pushing her further away. I’m trying to give her space, but the longer I stay, the more tension there is. I want to respect her needs while also hoping we can eventually get back together.
My question is: How can I give her space without making her feel suffocated, and is there anything I can do to increase my chances of having a future together once we’ve both worked on ourselves? I feel

[Ethan Smith]

I get how hard this must be for you. It sounds like you really care about her and want to make things work, but giving her space while living together is a tricky balance. The best thing you can do right now is focus on yourself. Use this time to keep working on your sobriety and building your own independence. This will not only help you grow, but it’ll also show her you can be strong on your own, which might make her feel more comfortable when you reconnect.

If living there is causing tension, maybe look for a temporary place to stay, so both of you can get some physical space. That could help ease the pressure and allow both of you to work on yourselves. Keep communicating openly about boundaries and what she needs, but respect her need for space.

It’s tough, but if you focus on becoming the best version of yourself, and respect her need for distance, it’ll give both of you the time to come back together stronger. If it’s meant to be, it will happen when the timing is right.

[Lily Brown]

I can feel how torn you are, and I really respect that you want to be supportive of her while also taking care of yourself. It sounds like you really care about her, and you’ve been through a lot together, but right now, it’s important to give her the space she’s asking for.

Living with her and her parents while trying to give her space might be tough, and it might be adding to the tension. If you can, it might help to find somewhere else to stay temporarily so she can have that physical distance, too. It’ll give both of you room to breathe and really think about what you need individually.

To give her space without suffocating her, try to focus on your own personal growth, too. Work on strengthening your sobriety and focusing on things that make you feel good about yourself. It sounds like you’ve already done so much to improve, and showing her that you can be strong and independent will help her feel more comfortable. At the same time, give her the time she needs without pushing for immediate answers about the relationship. Respect her boundaries, even if it’s painful.

The key to increasing your chances of having a future together is to focus on healing and growth — not just for her, but for yourself. When both of you are in a place where you feel secure and independent, that’s when you’ll be able to reconnect in a healthier, more balanced way. Right now, it’s about respecting each other’s space and letting things unfold naturally. Trust the process, and don’t rush it.

[PassionSeeker]

Oh wow, that’s really tough. It sounds like you’re trying so hard to balance supporting her and respecting her needs while still wanting to stay close. I think right now, the best thing you can do is lean into your own recovery journey and personal growth. It’s easy to fall into the trap of “I need her” when you’re used to having her by your side, but I think giving her the space she’s asking for could be a gift for both of you. It’s not just about her taking space, it’s about you creating space for yourself to strengthen your own independence. Maybe take a step back in your actions and give her the physical and emotional distance she needs, and in turn, you’ll have the chance to work on yourself, too. The key is showing that you can stand on your own two feet while being supportive. Respect her boundaries, and focus on building yourself up whether that’s through therapy, sobriety meetings, or even just spending time with people who uplift you. Love isn’t about constant closeness; sometimes it’s about showing that you can stand independently before coming back together.

[Ask April Masini]

I get where your girlfriend’s coming from.

If the script was flipped, I’m sure you’d feel the same way.

Catching your partner, especially one in recovery, lying about anything tied to that recovery?

That’s a gut punch. It messes with trust much more than you can imagine. She’s sitting there thinking, “What else is he hiding? Is he even really recovering, or am I being played?”

To make things worse, you didn’t just lie., you disappeared for ten days right after.

Let’s be real, if her trust dropped to 50 when she caught the lie, you nuked it to zero when you left.

Those ten days could’ve been used to rebuild what broke, but instead, they made the crack a canyon.

Now, if you’re serious about getting that trust back, and assuming this wasn’t a full-blown relapse, you start by owning what you did.

No excuses. No but. Tell her straight up that you understand how bad it looked and that she has every right to feel hurt and betrayed. Then, say you’re sorry, in a way that shows you truly mean it.

After that, make it clear you’ll do whatever it takes to earn back her trust. That means consistency, transparency, and time. She doesn’t owe you instant forgiveness, and you shouldn’t expect it.

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