[Anonymous]

About me:

27 Years old Male, Dating the same woman for 3.5 years (We have been best friends for over 10 years)

Okay so here is my situation…

My girlfriend wants to break up with me over something that I do not feel is that big of a deal.

My entire life I have gotten along much better with women, I don’t know why, I just trust them more and can connect with them on a platonic level better then I can men.

So when I started dating my best friend it was a very happy moment in my life. (It only took 7 years 😆 )

We have had our ups and downs like any relationship and have always been able to talk it out and come to some kind of rational decision on how to move forward.

But, this most recent situation has her pretty peeved and I fear that she is going to toss me out into the streets.

So here’s what I did:

Like I said before I am much more comfortable with having a girl as a friend than a man. So it’s no surprise that I have a few friends that are girls. Well, I have this one particular friend (I’ll just call her Mandy) that I have been friends with for about 6 years or so. Nothing romantic has ever happened between us ever and never will. I have a girlfriend and Mandy has a boyfriend (also a good friend of mine). But, Mandy and I recently have reconnected via text message, she told me she missed me and I made the suggestion of meeting up for lunch during the week just to catch up and shoot the breeze. Now in these text messages Mandy and I joke around a lot with sexual innuendos and flirtatious texts (nothing too racy) and all the texts are taken in jest between Mandy and I… I know it and she knows it… anything and everything between us is platonic. However, randomly she shared some pictures of herself with me that she was going to submit to an agency, she wanted my opinion, these photos were a few head shots along with some shots of her in a bikini top and one shot of her laying down on a bed naked (you can’t see anything but maybe a little of he butt) I looked at them and gave her compliments how I see fit (called her pretty and beautiful and made some “jaw on the floor” jokes) now for what ever reason I saved the images onto my phone. My girlfriend saw them and “flipped out” I tried to explain to her the situation that Mandy and I are just friends and that I don’t even look at her in that way and to top it all off she is taken by a good friend of mine. She was mad that I saved the images to which I really didn’t have a good reason for I just saved them. We talked about it and I told her that I would not talk to Mandy anymore if it was that big of a deal and my girlfriend agreed. Now I personally think it is rude just to up and stop talking to someone and I also think it’s rude to “break-up” a relationship of any kind via Phone, Text, or E-mail… So I decided that I was going to meet with Mandy for coffee or something and explain to her that my girlfriend was uncomfortable with her and I’s friendship and that I can’t see or talk to her anymore as I wish to respect my girlfriends feelings. My girlfriend asked me if I was still talking to Mandy and I told her NO (I lied, but like I said I was planning on cutting ties with Mandy once I could tell her in person) a few days later my girlfriend “hacked” into the archive of my text messages and found out that I was still talking to Mandy and had not cut ties. She was upset that I lied about still talking to her and for the fact that I had a 1 hour text conversation full of innuendos and flirtatious jokes while she was in the same room as me. Like I said before Mandy and I are just friends always have been always will be, we just joke around a lot.

I do not stay out late, I am always home, I kiss and hug my girlfriend all day, I tell her she is beautiful multiple times a day, I sleep in the same bed as her, cuddle, make love etc… I do favors for her all the time, I help out around the house with dishes, the floor, laundry. I run errands for her, waiting in line at the bank, getting her oil changed in her car, doing the food shopping, etc… although she claims I do NOTHING for her… I also currently do not have a job and I am looking as hard as I can, submitting 50 applications and resumes a day, Cold Calling places that I have experience in, constantly keeping me eyes peeled for “Help Wanted” signs, I am doing everything I can to find a job and she always rubs it in my face that because I don’t have a job that I do not take our relationship seriously… this hurts because I take it very seriously and like I said am trying to find a job the best way I know how.

I want to be with my girlfriend forever, I just don’t know what to do… please help me…

[hotrocket7]

Hi. I don’t know if I can give advice, I’m not the queen of telling the truth, especially if it will hurt someone. I’m married and I have jealousy issues at times, so I know how she feels. If asked a direct question, I always tell the truth, no matter what. I would be upset too if you sat in the same room and text’d sexual comments to another woman, what were you thinking? You need to first explain the situation to your gf like you did in your post, but maybe a little more sugar-coated. Remind her that you two are friends too, but she is the one you are in love with. I love it when my husband refers to me as his best friend. You remember back to the time when you were trying to get her to be your gf and start wooing her again. Relationships start hitting bumps around 3 years usually, and then again at 7, etc….

Is your gf friends with Mandy? If not, maybe introducing them would help. I would also remind Mandy that it is inappropriate to text naked pics of herself. I have more male friends than female and it would never cross my mind to send a naked pic of myself, even to the ones that have seen me naked. Something is up with that. Maybe Mandy wants more than friendship. If I were you, I would get the girls together, so your gf knows it’s no threat, Mandy must bring a date. Then I would tell Mandy to stop sending porn over her phone.

This is just an opinion, and the advice might not help, but it can’t hurt can it? Try to be extra nice, and get a job, and that means anywhere, sounds like a big root of problem too. I went from running my own business to working at a warehouse, took a $15 per hour pay cut, and would take a lower paying job if it meant keeping my self respect.

[AskApril Masini]

It sounds like you know exactly what to do to get your girlfriend back — but you don’t want to do any of it. And because you don’t, I think you have to face the fact that the two of you are not compatible.

From her point of view, after dating a man for over three years, at age 27, she wants to get married. But unfortunately, the guy she’s dating doesn’t have a job, which doesn’t make him marriage material. He is also best friends with another woman who’s naked photo is on his phone or computer, and he’s lied to her about seeing this woman. She’s told you what she wants, and you’ve basically disagreed with her and done what you wanted. So you can see that from her point of view, the camel’s back is broken by a couple of straws here. 😕

I agree with[b] hotrocket7[/b] that if Mandy wasn’t just your friend, exclusively, but was included in both of your lives along with her boyfriend and the four of you got together regularly, this wouldn’t be a big deal. But the fact that you have an [i]exclusive[/i] “platonic” relationship with Mandy that really seems like more than that to your girlfriend, makes the relationship objectionable to her.

You may also feel badly about yourself because you’ve disappointed your girlfriend by not having a job, and rather than deal with that feeling head on, you’ve acted out passive aggressively by keeping that naked photo of Mandy on your phone to get back at your girlfriend for hurting your feelings by complaining about your unemployment — you mentioned that you didn’t know why you kept that photo rather than delete it, but I think that that’s the reason.

You don’t have to agree with your girlfriend about any of the things she wants. And in fact, in long term relationships, men and women don’t always agree — but they do come to a compromise that is based on mutual respect. This requires a range of compatibility and I’m not sure that you and your girlfriend have that range. I think you prefer having your lifestyle with Mandy and other platonic girl friends more than you want to make behavior changes to please your girlfriend. So, in a nutshell, I’m sorry, but I think this relationship is not going to work out.

I hope that helps and gives you something to think about for choosing the woman you want to date next. Let me know what you decide to do and how things go.

And join me on Facebook — I’d love to have you there. Here’s that link: [url][/url]. 🙂

[jackfergusion]

You problem sounds critical somewhere. It can be solved out but I think you don’t want to take any action. So you have to be prepared to face the situation of break up time because both of you are not compatible with each other. To solve out your problem you have to understand the point which is the main reason for your break up and try to solve it out.

[AskApril Masini]

[b]Jackfergusion[/b] gave you great advice. Get to the root of the problem and work from that point. I hope that helps you. Let us know how things go!

And don’t forget to join me on Facebook! I’d love to have you as a member of AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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