[Jacob]

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about a year, and her relationship with her friends is becoming a major issue. They are an extremely tight-knit group, which I initially admired, but now I see it as codependent. They have a group chat that she is on constantly, even during our dates, and they expect her to be available for them 24/7. If one of them has a minor emotional crisis, she is expected to drop everything—including plans with me—to go be with them. They make plans for her and expect her to attend without ever checking if we had something scheduled.

I feel like I am not in a relationship with one person, but with her entire friend group. When I try to talk to her about setting boundaries, she gets defensive and says I am trying to isolate her from her support system. She doesn’t see their demands as excessive. I want to be a supportive partner, but I also need to feel like a priority. I’m starting to feel resentful because I am always expected to come second to her friends. How can I navigate this without coming across as controlling?

Ask April Masini #1 most trusted relationship advice Forum

[Ask April Masini]

Your concern boils down to your girlfriend prioritizing her friends over you. There could be several reasons for this. One being that she’s been friends with them for years, while you’ve only been in her life for about a year.

What stood out to me in your question was your use of words like “boundaries” and “excessive demands.” It seems like you might be framing this conversation as trying to help her break free from an unhealthy friendship group, when really, what you need to do is be upfront about what you want, more of her time.

No surprise she might feel like you’re trying to cut her off from her support system. Friends are crucial to us, and she’s had those friends way longer than she’s had you.

If you want more time with her, you need to be direct. Tell her how you feel, how you believe she puts her friends before you, and let her know that you’d like to spend quality time together without any interference from her friends, especially on dates. That’s just basic respect.

You also need to make hanging out with you more interesting. Show her that being with you is exciting and worth her time more than whatever her friends are doing. Engage in interesting activities together.

But if you can’t accept the way her friendships work or exercise the patience necessary to solve this issue, then this relationship isn’t for you.

[Mia Caldwell]

That sounds really frustrating and honestly, I don’t think you’re being controlling at all for wanting balance. I’ve been in a relationship where my partner’s “inner circle” always came first, and it slowly chipped away at how valued I felt.

It’s not about asking her to give up her friends it’s about asking for space in her life that’s just yours. Maybe instead of saying “you need better boundaries,” try explaining how her availability to them affects you. Use “I feel” statements, not “you always.”

Something like, “I love how much you care for your friends, but sometimes I feel like there’s no room for us.” If she still can’t see your side, that’s a red flag because healthy relationships make room for both love and friendship, not one at the expense of the other.

[Isabella Jones]

I can really understand how exhausting this must feel. You sound like someone who’s trying to be patient and respectful, not controlling—and that matters. It’s hard when you love someone who doesn’t see how their other relationships are affecting yours. You’re not asking her to give up her friends; you’re asking her to give your relationship the same care and attention she gives them. That’s not isolation—it’s balance.

Sometimes people get so used to being the “go-to” friend that they don’t realize they’re neglecting the person closest to them. You might try framing it gently: “I love that you’re loyal to your friends, but I also want us to have space where we’re fully present with each other.” It shifts the focus from blame to shared connection.

You deserve to feel like a partner, not an afterthought. Healthy love leaves room for friendships, but it shouldn’t require you to compete with them. 💛

When you picture a healthy balance between her friendships and your relationship, what does that look like—and what’s one small change that would make you feel more valued right now?

[Natalie Noah]

It sounds like your girlfriend’s friendships have become the third wheel in your relationship, and that’s understandably frustrating. You’re not wrong to want time and attention from your partner. that’s what healthy relationships are built on. But from her perspective, you might be unintentionally coming across as someone trying to control her social life, especially since these friends have been in her world longer than you.

Instead of framing it as “your friends are too clingy,” try approaching it as “I really value our time together, and I’d love for us to have moments where it’s just about us, no distractions.” Keep it about how you feel and what you need, not what she’s doing wrong.

Then, make sure the time you do spend together feels fun, engaging, and meaningful. Remind her of what makes your relationship special, something her friends can’t give her.
But here’s the hard truth: if she continues to prioritize them no matter how clearly and kindly you express your needs, then this relationship may not have the balance you’re looking for. You deserve to be with someone who values your time and makes space for you not someone who treats you like a distant second place.

[Sweetie]

That sounds really frustrating, and I can see how it would be tough to feel like you’re not a priority in the relationship. It’s great that she has such a strong support system, but when it starts to interfere with your time together, it becomes an issue.

It’s important to express how you feel, but also make sure it’s clear that you’re not trying to “control” her or isolate her. You’re asking for balance — where her relationship with you can coexist with her friendships. You both deserve quality time together, and it’s okay to ask for that.

Maybe you can say something like, “I understand how much your friends mean to you, but when they interrupt our plans or expect you to always be available, I start to feel left out. I need us to set some boundaries so we can have time together, too.” It’s not about being controlling, it’s about sharing your needs in the relationship.

If she gets defensive, try to reassure her that this isn’t about controlling her time or isolating her from her friends, but about finding a healthy balance where both her friendships and relationship with you are respected.

If she’s open to hearing you out, you can start small and set boundaries that feel reasonable for both of you.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… you’re not crazy for wanting your girl to actually be with you when you’re together. like hello?? date night shouldn’t have guest stars 🙄. her friends sound like a group project nobody asked for. you’re not controlling, you’re just tired of feeling like an extra in your own relationship. if she can’t see that, maybe she’s not ready for main character love yet. 💔

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… you’re not crazy for wanting your girl to actually be with you when you’re together. like hello?? date night should shouldn’t have guest stars. 🙄 her friends sound like a group project nobody asked for. you’re not controlling, you’re just tired of feeling like an extra in your own relationship. if she can’t see that, maybe she’s not ready for main character love yet. 💔

[PassionSeeker]

Ugh, that’s a tough spot to be in. I get how you’re feeling wanting to be there for her, but also needing to feel like a priority. It’s not about isolating her, but about finding a balance.
Maybe sit down and explain how this is affecting you, not as an attack but as a need for balance. Relationships need boundaries and respect for both partners. You deserve to feel valued, too, and if she truly cares, she’ll understand. You shouldn’t have to feel second.

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