[Caleb]

I am a very private person, but my girlfriend believes in sharing everything with her tight-knit group of friends. I recently discovered this includes every intimate detail of our relationship—our arguments, our private jokes, and even specifics about our sex life. I found out when one of her friends made a comment about a personal insecurity I had shared with my girlfriend in what I thought was a moment of complete confidence. I was absolutely mortified.

When I confronted her, she was apologetic but didn’t seem to understand the depth of my feeling of betrayal. She said she’s just an “open book” and that’s how she processes things with her support system. Now, I feel hesitant to be vulnerable with her, fearing that any secret I share will become public knowledge among her friends. How can I establish a boundary about our privacy without making her feel like she has to hide her life?

[Lily]

Hey, I really understand why that would hurt. When you open up to someone you love, you expect that trust to stay between the two of you. Having those private things shared — even if she didn’t mean harm — can feel like a real betrayal.

It sounds like you’re not asking her to stop talking to her friends altogether, you just need some parts of your relationship to stay yours. That’s a completely fair boundary.

Try explaining it that way — not as “you’re too open,” but more like, “Some things I share are meant just for us, because that’s what makes me feel safe and connected to you.” Let her know you get that she needs her support system, but that you also need emotional privacy to feel secure.

[Victor Russo]

That’s a tough spot, man. It’s completely fair to want privacy in your relationship trust depends on it. You can say something like, “I’m not asking you to hide your life, but some things between us should stay just between us.”

Make it clear this isn’t about control, it’s about respect. She can still lean on her friends, but personal moments your insecurities, sex life, private talks deserve protection. If she values the relationship, she’ll understand that your trust needs boundaries, not exposure.

[Author]

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