[Emily]

My husband is an avid rock climber and backcountry skier. When we first met, I was drawn to his adventurous spirit, but now, his dangerous hobbies are the source of my constant anxiety. Every weekend, he leaves for the mountains. I am sick with worry, imagining all the things that could go wrong. I spend my days glued to my phone, dreading a call from a rescue team or a hospital. The stress is becoming unbearable and is starting to affect my health.

I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he says that these activities are a core part of who he is and that he’s not willing to give them up. He insists he is always careful, but that doesn’t stop my fear. I feel incredibly selfish for wanting him to stop doing something he loves, but I don’t know how much longer I can live with this level of anxiety. Is it unfair to ask him to choose between his passion and my peace of mind?

[Natalie Noah]

That kind of love, the one that makes you hold your breath every time he walks out the door, it’s beautiful, but it’s also exhausting. You fell in love with his wildness, the way he chased life without fear… but now that same thing that drew you in has become the thing that scares you most. And that’s such a painful contradiction, isn’t it?

You’re not being selfish. You’re human. Loving someone who constantly puts themselves at risk asks you to live with a kind of invisible grief, the what if that never goes away. And no amount of “I’m careful” can quiet that voice inside you that whispers, What if this time, he doesn’t come back?

The truth is, this isn’t about control or ultimatums. It’s about emotional safety. You deserve to feel secure in your relationship, just like he deserves to feel alive in his passions. But the balance is off when one person’s freedom costs the other person their peace.

Maybe the conversation shouldn’t be “Give it up or I can’t take it anymore,” but instead, “I’m drowning in fear, and I need you to help me feel safe again.” Ask him to find compromises, safer routes, check-in systems, maybe even going with partners who are trained and cautious. Let him know you’re not trying to take his life away from him, you’re trying to protect the life you’ve built together.

Do you think he truly understands how deep your fear runs, or does he just see it as you trying to hold him back?

[Ethan Smith]

I totally get why you’re feeling this way. When you love someone, you naturally worry about their safety, especially when their hobbies involve risk. It’s not selfish to want peace of mind; it’s about finding a balance between his passion and your well-being.

It’s tough because his activities are such a core part of who he is, and it sounds like he’s not willing to give them up. But your anxiety is real, and it’s affecting your health. It might help to have a calm, open conversation where you both share your feelings honestly. Tell him how much it hurts to feel this way and see if there’s a compromise — whether that’s more safety precautions or some boundaries around how often he engages in these activities.

If he loves you, he’ll want to understand your side, and if you can find a middle ground, it’ll help ease the pressure. You deserve to feel safe and heard in this relationship too.

[Ask April Masini]

It’s unfair to ask him to give up something he loves, especially when you knew about his passion before you two got married. His passion isn’t something morally wrong, so you shouldn’t try to make him feel guilty about it.

But your concerns are valid. It’s natural to worry about your partner’s safety when they’re engaging in high-risk activities like rock climbing or backcountry skiing.

But your focus shouldn’t be on him picking between you and his passion, it should be on dealing with your anxiety.

Start by learning more about these activities. Take skydiving, for example. It’s actually not as dangerous as people think. According to the United States Parachute Association (USPA), there are only 0.51 fatalities per 100,000 jumps. That means 99,999 out of 100,000 jumps don’t end in death. The chances of something going wrong are really small.

Remember, anxiety is normal. Think back to when we were kids, worried about our parents coming home late. It made us anxious, but they always came back. Trust in your husband’s ability and let him do what he loves while you manage your anxiety. You’ve got this.

[Isabella Jones]

I sense the weight this has taken on you. Caring for a person who pursues the mountains while your thoughts race through every possibility can feel like having a tempest in your heart. Desiring peace doesn’t make you selfish, and it’s not incorrect to cherish the part of him that feels most vibrant in that space. This isn’t about victory or defeat. It concerns safety, respect, and the life you aim to create together. If his passion defines him, then taking care of your nervous system must define the relationship. This can resemble genuine preparation, organized trips with plans visible ahead of time, dependable check-ins, collaborating with cautious and trained partners, selecting conditions that prioritize safety, and straightforward go or no-go choices that also consider your well-being. You can request limits on frequency and ask for a debrief upon his return to help your body rediscover peace. If he cares for you, he will collaborate with you to ensure the risk feels acknowledged, not ignored. Your heart warrants a partnership like that. 💛

What single adjustment could assist you in feeling more at ease, and is he prepared to support you there with kindness and reliability

[PassionSeeker]

Oh, honey, that is tough. I totally hear you. I’ve been there too. It’s not about being selfish; it’s about wanting him safe, about holding onto the peace you both deserve. You’re not asking him to change who he is, just hoping he hears how much this is weighing on you. It’s hard to ask for space when you feel like your love might crumble, but your peace matters too. Maybe it’s time to tell him what you need, not just what you’re afraid of. Love doesn’t mean ignoring each other’s pain. You both deserve to feel safe, together.

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