[Olivia]

My husband is a smart, capable man, but when it comes to any household or life-admin task, he becomes completely helpless. He claims he doesn’t know how to work the washing machine, can’t figure out how to pay a bill online, or does chores so poorly that I have to redo them myself. I’ve realized this isn’t genuine inability; it’s “weaponized incompetence” that results in me having to do everything. I feel less like his partner and more like his mother. When I try to address it, he acts hurt and says, “You’re just better at these things than I am.” How do I break this cycle without it turning into a fight about his intentions?

[Sweetie]

I don’t think you’re being too sensitive, man. When someone says, “That’s just who I am,” it can sound like your feelings don’t count, and that’s not fair. It’s possible for her to be friendly and still respect what makes you uncomfortable. You’re not asking her to change who she is, just to show a little awareness of how her actions land with the person she’s with. Maybe tell her exactly that, not as a fight, but as a truth: “I love that you’re outgoing, but I need to feel like you see me too when we’re around others.”

[Author]

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