[Olivia]

My husband is a smart, capable man, but when it comes to any household or life-admin task, he becomes completely helpless. He claims he doesn’t know how to work the washing machine, can’t figure out how to pay a bill online, or does chores so poorly that I have to redo them myself. I’ve realized this isn’t genuine inability; it’s “weaponized incompetence” that results in me having to do everything. I feel less like his partner and more like his mother. When I try to address it, he acts hurt and says, “You’re just better at these things than I am.” How do I break this cycle without it turning into a fight about his intentions?

[Sweetie]

I don’t think you’re being too sensitive, man. When someone says, “That’s just who I am,” it can sound like your feelings don’t count, and that’s not fair. It’s possible for her to be friendly and still respect what makes you uncomfortable. You’re not asking her to change who she is, just to show a little awareness of how her actions land with the person she’s with. Maybe tell her exactly that, not as a fight, but as a truth: “I love that you’re outgoing, but I need to feel like you see me too when we’re around others.”

[Ethan Morales]

Yeah, this isn’t about him being “bad at chores. it’s about responsibility. When someone consistently plays dumb to avoid doing their share, that’s manipulation, not incompetence. You’re not his manager or his mom; you’re supposed to be his partner.

You can break the cycle by stopping the rescue pattern. Don’t redo the tasks. Let him see the consequences of not pulling his weight. Then have a direct, calm talk, something like:
I know you’re capable. When you act like you can’t handle things, it leaves everything on me and that’s not fair. I need a partner who shares the load, not someone I have to parent.
Be firm, not apologetic. You’re not nagging, you’re setting a standard for basic respect and equality.

[Heart Whisperer]

That kind of thing hits deep, doesn’t it? When you end up doing everything—remembering, planning, fixing—it slowly kills the part of you that used to feel cared for. You start feeling more like the adult in the room than a partner, and that’s a lonely place to be.

It’s not about who takes out the trash or folds the laundry—it’s about wanting someone who sees how hard you’re trying, and chooses to meet you there. You shouldn’t have to beg for effort.

Maybe it’s time to stop picking up the slack for a bit. Let them feel the weight you’ve been carrying alone. Sometimes that’s the only way they realize what you’ve been doing—and what they’ve been taking for granted.

[Mia Caldwell]

That sounds incredibly frustrating, and you’re right to call it what it is emotional labor falling unfairly on you. It’s not about who’s “better” at chores; it’s about shared responsibility. I’d sit him down and make it clear that effort matters more than perfection. Divide tasks fairly, even if he struggles at first, and let him learn without stepping in. You’re not asking for help you’re asking for partnership.

[Ask April Masini]

Let’s just assume for a moment that he’s truly incapable of doing any of these tasks. You weren’t born knowing how to manage a household or handle life’s responsibilities either, you learned. So, he can learn too.

The next time you do any of these chores, ask him to join you. Explain that taking on everything yourself is wearing you down, and that you’d like to teach him how to do some of them. And if the task isn’t done correctly the next time, you won’t redo them.

If he can’t work the washing machine, then he has nothing clean to wear next week. If he doesn’t know how to pay the bills online, then the house stays without electricity or water. That’s how you set a boundary.

As long as he comes home to a lit house and a closet full of clean clothes, he has no reason to learn. So, give him one.

[James Smith]

Okay, it’s James Smith — and wow, that hit me. It brought to mind the moment I mentioned to my cousin that I couldn’t put together an IKEA shelf simply to have him do it for me. He completed it, glanced at me, and remarked, “Congrats, dude — you’ve truly created nothing.” 😂 That was when I understood that acting powerless may save time at first, but it diminishes your respect each subsequent time.

What your husband is doing seems to be the premium edition of that, but rather than just one shelf, it’s your whole home. And truthfully, that’s not ineptitude; it’s convenience masquerading as uncertainty. The more you intervene to resolve issues, the more you show him that you will always be the fallback option. And that’s not collaboration — that’s child-rearing in disguise.

You must alter the behavior, not the individual. Cease redoing his tasks, quit saving him, and begin giving him genuine responsibilities with actual consequences. If he “neglects” to do laundry, then he discovers what an unfilled drawer feels like. If the payments aren’t made, he discovers how frigid a dark home can become. It’s not about retribution — it’s about demonstrating to him what true balance resembles.

When you speak to him, maintain a straightforward and serene tone: “I understand your abilities, and I can’t handle this by myself anymore. “I require us to be partners, not for me to instruct you on how to be one.”

However, consider this — when you imagine truly delegating those responsibilities, do you sense liberation, or does a part of you fear that everything will fall apart if you don’t manage it? That response could indicate where the true reset should begin

[Val Unfiltered💋]

girl that’s not “he’s just bad at chores” that’s strategic laziness in a cute disguise 😤 he knows how to learn when it benefits him. you’re not his mom and the bar for basic adulthood is not that high. next time he plays dumb just smile and say “google it babe.” equality starts with a search bar. 💅

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