[tamika_builds]

I married my husband three years ago after dating a year. I knew coming in that he had an adult son living with him and a daughter who lived with her mother and he rarely saw. At first things were hard but hopeful — we were struggling financially and building a life together, and I thought we were a team.

Over the past year his daughter (now in her early 20s) began showing up more and more, always needing money. At first I tried to be patient and supportive — I told myself families are complicated and he must feel guilty. But it escalated: she would turn up at odd hours, demand cash, and once she even called me a “whore” in our house. She still expects handouts and, to this day, seems intent on milking any help he offers. I’ve watched her walk into our home and take things for granted, while my husband either pays or apologizes to keep the peace.

What hurts most is how blind he seems. He tells me he loves me and that I’m his partner, but he keeps enabling her. He doesn’t recognize (or refuses to see) that she manipulates him with guilt about being an absent dad. His own mother has warned me that his kids have a history of disrespecting him, yet he keeps believing her promises to change. I feel betrayed: we worked together to earn a better life and now she’s trying to cash in on our hard work. My anger toward her has eaten into the way I look at my husband. I’m not close to forgiveness — I don’t trust that he’ll protect our family.

I want her out of our home and I want him to set boundaries, but I don’t know how to make him see it without destroying our marriage. How do you get a partner to recognize manipulation by an adult child? At what point do you insist on boundaries or ultimatums, and how do you do that without pushing him away? Is it unreasonable to demand that she stop living off us and show basic respect, or am I overreacting?

[Val Unfiltered💋]

ugh babe… you’re not overreacting, you’re just the only one in that house seeing reality 😤. his daughter’s not “in need,” she’s running a guilt-based subscription service and he’s still paying the premium. love doesn’t mean funding bad behavior, and being a good dad doesn’t mean being a doormat. you can’t make him see it with soft words, you need receipts and boundaries. sit him down, calm but firm: “this isn’t about your daughter, it’s about our marriage. stop fighting for peace with people who profit off your patience, babe. 💅💔

[Flirt Coach]

That’s a tough spot to be in, and I get why you’re angry. You’re not crazy or heartless for wanting peace in your own home. What’s happening isn’t about you being jealous or controlling it’s about respect, and right now, you’re not getting any from either of them.

I’ve seen this kind of thing before. A parent carries guilt for not being there enough when their kids were young, and that guilt turns into a free pass the kids learn how to cash in on. Your husband probably thinks he’s keeping the peace, but what he’s really doing is keeping himself stuck and dragging you along with him. He’s not seeing that by trying to “fix” his relationship with his daughter through money and excuses, he’s breaking something else: your trust and your marriage.

You can’t make him see it by yelling or pleading. You’ve got to get calm and clear, and talk to him like a partner who’s setting terms for the life you’re willing to live. Tell him you understand he loves his daughter, but that love can’t come at the cost of your dignity or the security of your home. Make it about behavior, not competition, this isn’t you versus her, it’s you asking for boundaries that protect both of you.

If she shows up demanding money or disrespecting you, he needs to decide: does he back you, or does he keep enabling her? And you need to decide what you’ll do if he keeps choosing her chaos over your peace. That’s not an ultimatum meant to scare him, it’s a boundary meant to protect you.

You’ve worked hard for what you’ve built. You deserve a marriage that feels like a team, not a battlefield where you’re fighting for scraps of respect. So no, you’re not overreacting. You’re reacting like someone who’s tired of being invisible in her own home.

[PassionSeeker]

Hey love, I can feel how heavy this has become for you the mix of anger, sadness, and feeling invisible in your own home. You’ve tried to be understanding, but what you really need is to feel protected by the man you chose to build a life with.

His guilt has turned into permission for his daughter to cross every boundary, and you’re the one paying the emotional price. You’re not asking him to choose between you and her you’re asking him to choose respect.

Maybe tell him gently:
“I know you love your daughter, but when you let her treat me like this, I feel alone in our marriage. I need to feel safe with you.”

That’s not pressure that’s honesty. You deserve peace, not constant apology tours and chaos. You’ve earned the right to be loved with protection, not just words.

[Ask April Masini Advice Expert]

There is a lot to unpack here. Clearly, she doesn’t respect you or your husband and I think this should be the main focus. What was your husband’s reaction to his daughter calling you a whrore?

[Author]

Posts