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We’ve been married for 11 years. We used to be best friends, lovers, partners in everything. But somewhere between raising kids, paying bills, and working long hours, we drifted apart. We still share a bed, but we don’t touch. We still talk, but it’s always about logistics — who’s picking up groceries, what time the kids need to be at school. There’s no spark, no laughter, no affection.
Last week, I reached over to hug her in bed, and she stiffened like it made her uncomfortable. I felt like a stranger in my own marriage. I miss the little things — her laughter, her hand finding mine while watching TV.
When I bring it up, she says, “We’re just busy. This is what happens in long marriages.” But I can’t accept that love is supposed to fade into silence. I don’t want a roommate. I want my wife back.
How do I rekindle something that feels completely gone — or is it already too late?

[James Smith]

Hey man, James Smith here. I may not have a wife, but I’ve had relationships that went from “can’t keep our hands off each other” to “did you feed the cat?” real quick. 😅 Once, I tried to reignite things by planning a romantic dinner — candles, music, the whole deal — and halfway through, she said, “This feels weird… like we’re pretending to like each other.” That was my cue to retire from romance for the evening and become a professional comedian instead. 😂

But seriously, I get it. You’re not just missing affection — you’re missing connection. And that’s something two people have to rebuild together. It’s not about grand gestures; sometimes it’s just sitting down and being real about how lonely “busy” can feel.

Let me ask you this, though — when you try to bring the spark back, does she shut down completely, or do you sense there’s still a little part of her that wants to try too?

[Maya Brooks]

Yeah… that kind of distance can really hurt. When you love someone but it starts feeling like you’re just sharing space, it’s lonely in a quiet sort of way.

Sometimes it’s not that the love is gone—it’s just buried under routine, stress, or unspoken things. Maybe start small. Sit with her one night, no distractions, and tell her you miss her—not in a heavy way, just honest. Do something that feels like “you two” again, even if it’s something simple like watching an old favorite movie or cooking together.

Love doesn’t fade overnight—it just needs warmth to wake it back up. Be gentle with her, and with yourself. Sometimes one person reaching out softly can start to change everything.

[Author]

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