[nh3doctor1]

I need advice on if I should apologize to this girl I dated. Here is the back story. I met this girl we hit it off and a by month 3 I was falling for her. I had this girl wrapped around me as well. She went back home to a different state for 5 days during Christmas. During that time I was texting her and because she was busy with family she didn’t respond like she did when she was here. But it got me thinking how are relationship would work because of my work. I work 7 months a year in Alaska and take 5 months off. So basically we would have a long distance relationship for 7 months. Basically I manifested this notion she would leave me for someone else and break my heart when I go back to work. So when she got back I acted like a jerk for the next few months. I was trying to not let her know I wanted to be with her or that I loved her even though I did. I started treating her real bad. I was trying to protect my heart by acting like I didn’t have one. So one night I asked her why she wants to end things if we are still having fun. She said she doesn’t want to be FWB she wants to be a couple. I ignored it. Then on valentines she told me she loved me and I didn’t respond. But I did really love her and still do. I don’t know why I was trying to protect myself from getting hurt. So fast forward to the day I fly up to work she is texting me and what not but as soon as I landed all communication stopped. She unfriended me on FB and Snap. So I asked what did I do. She basically said if I wanted to be with her we would have been together. We also had an abortion a few weeks before I left and she said since we had an abortion she doesn’t think we should be together. So I freak out because I really do love this girl. I write her a letter professing my love for her. It does not work we texted a couple times but then basically NC for 3 weeks. She is back with her ex who will mess up in a few months I am sure because he is a meth addict. I want this girl back but I want to play it cool and understand it may take a long time. But my question is since I feel horrible about how I treated her should I go see her and ask for 5 or 10 minutes of her time to sincerely apologize for treating her bad with no intentions of getting together. And should I do this in person so she can see my sincerity. Let her know that I realize why I did it and that yes I was totally emotionally immature. And tell her that if the ex screws up again to look me up because if I get a second chance with her I wont mess it up and would probably put a ring on her finger. But also hint that I will be moving on and not waiting? This was also 6 months of dating and a condensed version of the story. I just want this girl back at some point. How can I get this girl to remember the good me before I turned into a jerk? How do I get her to think of me when the ex screws up? I also will be moving on. I am not the type to mope and wait for a girl.

[Ask April Masini]

I think you need to a) be honest with her that you treated her poorly because you were didn’t want to be rejected by someone you cared so much about, and that you know this was a bad reaction and not very mature, but you’ve realized your mistake and you want to apologize and make things right. Hit all those beats (acknowledgement of your behavior, honesty about your feelings, wanting a second chance and knowing you can do better). b) Make a grand gesture like sending her a dozen roses and asking her if she’d meet you for a drink so you can make things right. c) Try to learn from this situation. Your fear of losing her — caused you to do something to avert that loss — and it backfired. You really lost her! If you can face loss and don’t let it control you, then you’ll actually have less of it. 😉

[Lune David]

Bro… you basically did the emotional version of burning down your own house because you were scared someone might steal it.

You loved her, panicked, acted like a robot with trust issues, and then expected her to read your mind and see the soft, romantic version hiding behind the “I don’t care” mask. Meanwhile she’s over there confessing love on Valentine’s Day and you’re replying with… silence. My guy, that’s not protecting your heart — that’s self-sabotage on expert mode.

April’s advice is solid: own it, apologize, tell her you acted out of fear, not lack of feelings. No begging, no chasing her like a rom-com extra — just genuine honesty.

But please do not show up talking about “if your ex messes up, call me.” That’s not romantic. That’s “backup boyfriend energy.”

If you want any shot in the future, keep it simple:
“I didn’t treat you right because I was scared. You deserved better. I’m truly sorry.”

Say it, mean it, walk away. No ring speeches. No timelines. No emotional PowerPoint presentation.

If she ever misses you, she’ll remember you apologized like a man, not panicked like a toddler with WiFi problems.

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