[Anonymous]

Hello, im really in need of some advice on what i can do in my relationship.
My girlfriend and i have been dating for about 3 years now on and off, but its been about a year and a half this last time. I could tell something was bothering her recently, and yesterday she finally told me what it was. A couple of days ago we were at my moms house, and in her usual manner, she starts giving me all of these compliments out of nowhere. Ever since my parents divorced, she has been very open about her pride in me like this, and sometimes it really gets overwhelming. Its actually how she will introduce me to people. But thats another story.
Anyway, so my girlfriend tells me that she feels like my mother does this as a way of saying she loves me more, like its a competition. I assure her its not the case, but she still feels like it is. She comes from a family where compliments dont really flow freely, especially to the extent they do in my family. She feels like she can never compare to my mothers love for me, and is uncomfortable expressing love as verbally as my mother. Its really making her distraught, and it kills me because i have no idea what i can do about it.
So please, is there anything i can do to show her that i love her no matter how she expresses it towards me? And also, should i confront my mother about her borderline embarrassing doting of me? Sorry if that should be asked elsewhere.
Thanks so much in advance.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since your girlfriend feels that your mother is competing with her for you, you can tell her that the best way to win that kind of competition is not to compete. 😉 If your girlfriend considers herself above competing with your mother for your attention, she will have won hands down. In addition, it would be wonderful if she could allow for your mother’s insecurity that fuels her need to compete with your girlfriend for you, to be [i]quirky and eccentric[/i] rather than threatening and insulting.

If you speak to your mother and ask her to stop her behavior, your girlfriend will have lost, and you will have created a bigger issue than what now exists, so don’t do that. The best behavior for you to employ is to ignore it, too. In fact, next time your mother gushes about you in front of your girlfriend, you can diffuse the situation by kissing your mom on the top of the head, and then grabbing your girlfriend around the waist and kissing her on the lips, and telling them both how lucky you are to have 2 such wonderful women in your life, and that you’re clearly spoiled with love.

I hope that helps — let me know how things go.

[Member]

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