[Hopeful Minus 3]

I don’t know what to make of this situation and would really appreciate some advice on whether or not I should continue to invest any more time in it. Here’s the story:

I’m in my late 30s and moved back to my home city about 2 years ago. Through my work I was bumping into this guy who is my same age and who grew up in the same city, so I have known who he is practically all my life, went to the same schools and everything. The interactions when I have bumped into him through work, and its usually at his place of work, have always been very brief and perfunctory “Hi how are you” type interactions. On one occasion I actually thought he was actually trying to avoid me, avoiding eye contact etc. About a month ago I called him and ask for some professional advice and he came to my office. After the business was concluded he initiated the first real conversation we have every had in our lives. it was a pleasant surprise as I had a very easy flowing and witty conversation with someone I thought of as shy as a teenager and reserved as an adult. I spontaneously told him I should invite him over for a drink and he said “sure anytime”. Since that first conversation we have exchanged some really witty texts, talked for hours on the phone and in person a couple of times. He did come over for drinks at my invitation and this led to a very pleasant evening. All our contact however have been initiated by me .. either blatantly or “by accident” or as the result of some work related excuse I have concocted And though he responds and willing participates in the interaction, he never initiates. Sometimes I think there is some romantic interest and sometimes I think its just willingness to explore a friendship. I don’t know if a part of it is that he is currently going through a divorce.

I would like an opinion on this situation, because if it just seems like friendship then maybe I shouldn’t invest as much time in it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You sure buried the most important fact in the end of your post! 😆 The fact that he is going through a divorce is ENTIRELY the reason for his mixed messages to you. Divorce can be easy or more likely, it can be protracted and wrought with emotional, financial and social complications. Even if his falls somewhere in the middle of that range, he’s got a full plate right now because he’s in transition.

My advice to you is to make yourself a viable option to him for when he is ready to date again. Depending on his divorce and his reaction to it, he may not be ready to date ANYONE, so don’t take his lack of assertion in asking you out too personally. The last thing you want is some guy who’s looking to rebound or temporarily use you to heal his wounds. This guy sounds like he’s doing the right thing in allowing himself the time to get through his divorce, while at the same time, slowly developing the basis for what could be a relationship for you.

Dial up the flirting and do everything you will come to learn by reading Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], to let him know you’re interested, but you’re not going to do the chasing. Understand that dating is going to be new to him, so allow yourself to be patient and DON’T CHASE HIM! ❗

I hope that helps, and that if you haven’t already bought and read Think & Date Like A Man, I hope that you will now. Let me know how things go, and join me on Facebook! 🙂 Here’s that link: [url][/url].

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