[raptorpose]

April, I am your big fan, and I get a lot of motivation from you. That’s why I am writing here and asking for your dating advice.

Here is my story

I have known this girl, Chelsie, for about four years. We met while playing an online game and became very close friends. Over the last few months, I started to feel more than friendship for her.

In early September, I finally told her how I felt. She said she always liked me too, but she was scared to act on it. She didn’t want to ruin our friendship. The biggest problem was that she had a boyfriend at that time. Also, we live very far away. I am on the East Coast, and she is on the West Coast. So this is also a long distance relationship issue.

After we shared our feelings, we talked a lot more. We even spoke on the phone for the first time. She started saying “I love you,” and calling me “love.” I didn’t know if she meant it as a friend or something more.

I started to feel scared that I was texting her too much. I didn’t want to become annoying. This fear came from a past relationship. I told her how I felt, and she said I could never bother her and not to worry.

But now things feel different.

Our talks are short. She doesn’t call me “love” anymore. She doesn’t say “I love you” anymore. Last weekend, I asked how her weekend went. She said she and her boyfriend had “kind of” broken up. But she also said she and a mutual friend got “kind of” close. From our talk, it feels like she really likes this other guy.

I feel very confused.

Two weeks ago, I told her I might back off a little and stop texting all the time. She seemed upset. When I asked her about it, she said she still loved me and didn’t want to lose me. But she also said she was scared of long distance relationships and didn’t want to give up what she already had.

A few days ago, I decided to stop forcing conversations. I told myself that if she wants to talk, she will text me.

I asked friends for relationship advice, but everyone says something different. Some say I should wait. Some say I missed my chance. Nothing feels clear.

April, I really need your help.
Should I keep waiting or let go?
Am I doing the right thing by giving space?
How do you handle feelings like this in dating and relationships?

Any advice would mean a lot to me.

[AskApril Masini]

First, I would strongly recommend that you immediately start dating (or at least pursuing) women who live within a reasonable driving distance from your home. A long distance relation, while romantic and exciting, is very difficult to maintain and takes enormous effort from both parties. And frankly, you aren’t really in “a relationship” with this girl. You are (basically) the text message version of pen pals… with an occasional phone call thrown in.

Having said all of that, if you don

[PassionSeeker]

It sounds like you’re in a tough situation, and I can feel your confusion and hesitation. First things first, you need to really think about what you want and what’s best for you in the long run. While it’s clear you care deeply for Chelsie, it’s important to acknowledge the reality of the situation you’re in a long-distance “relationship,” and while the emotional connection is there, it’s not the same as being able to spend time together and see each other in person.

April’s right about the challenge of long-distance relationships—they can be exciting but also require a lot of effort and trust to thrive. And it seems like Chelsie is unsure about the distance and what she wants right now, especially with the other guy involved.

It’s understandable you don’t want to annoy her, but you also shouldn’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Maybe it’s time to step back a bit, let her figure out her feelings, and focus on living your life without putting all your emotional energy into something uncertain. You deserve clarity, not confusion.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… she’s got you on the back burner while she sorts her mess out. 🔥 she likes the attention, the emotional comfort, the ego boost but she’s not choosing you. she’s choosing confusion. every time she says “i love you but…” she’s keeping you hooked without giving you anything real. you’re not her safety net, baby, if she really wants you, she’ll make space for you , not excuses. 💋

[Marcus king]

Hey I get it. You’ve built something real with her, and that kind of emotional connection is hard to just walk away from. But right now, she’s confused and keeping you in a gray zone saying she loves you but showing interest in someone else. That’s not fair to you.

You’ve done the right thing by stepping back. Let her reach out if she really wants to. Don’t chase, just protect your peace. If she truly values you beyond friendship, she’ll show it when she’s ready and single. If not, you’ll have saved yourself from getting hurt deeper.

[Serena Vale]

Hey, I get how much this is messing with your head. You’ve been honest, patient, and that’s something most people don’t do when feelings get complicated. But honestly? It sounds like she’s really unsure of what she wants right now.

You did the right thing by pulling back a bit. Don’t chase the connection, if it’s real, she’ll meet you halfway. Just keep being yourself and don’t let her confusion mess with your peace. Sometimes stepping back a little shows people what they actually want. 💬✨

[Tara]

She doesn’t love you. She loves the power you give her. You’re the emotional understudy she keeps around for reassurance when the spotlight fades. You mistake her guilt for affection and her attention for meaning. She knows exactly what she’s doing. You’re the safety net, not the choice.

You’re not confused. You’re avoiding the truth because it’s humiliating. You’ve been auditioning for a role she never intended to cast. She tells you just enough to keep you waiting. That’s not romance. That’s control. And you keep volunteering for it.

You talk about “backing off” like it’s a strategy. It isn’t. It’s begging with better grammar. You don’t need to pull away slowly. You need to disappear completely. Delete her. Block her. Forget her.

She’s not the problem anymore. You are. You turned yourself into a placeholder and called it love. The only way out is absolute silence. End it without ceremony. Dignity doesn’t whisper. It walks away.

[Flirt Coach]

I can tell this girl means a lot to you. Four years of friendship, shared memories, long-distance late nights that kind of bond doesn’t come around often. And when feelings start to grow out of something that deep, it can feel both exciting and terrifying. You’re not crazy for feeling pulled in different directions.

Chelsie’s words and her actions aren’t lining up right now. She says she “loves you,” but she’s also got one foot in a relationship and another testing out something new. That’s not fair to you. When someone says they want you but “don’t want to give up what they’ve already worked hard for,” what they really mean is they’re not ready to choose. And until they do, you’ll always be standing there half in, half out waiting for clarity that might never come.

I’ve been in something like this before. After my divorce, I met someone who said all the right things. Made me feel like I mattered. But when push came to shove, she wasn’t ready to show up in the way I needed. I spent months trying to prove I was worth choosing, but here’s what I learned: love shouldn’t feel like you’re auditioning for someone’s attention.

You’ve already shown her who you are steady, thoughtful, loyal. That’s not annoying. That’s the kind of man who’s worth showing up for. But if she’s not matching your energy, it’s time to stop chasing. Let her reach out if she wants to. And if she doesn’t, you’ll have your answer. It won’t mean you blew your chance it’ll mean she wasn’t ready for what you were offering.

You can care about her without putting your life on pause. Step back a little, keep your self respect, and see how she shows up when you stop carrying the whole connection on your back. The right person won’t make you wonder if you’re too much. They’ll make you feel like you’re finally enough.

[Isabella Jones]

This really tugged at me because I can feel how much you care about her and how confusing it must be to love someone who can’t seem to decide what she wants. It’s like your heart keeps getting pulled forward and then pushed back before it can even find its balance. You’ve been honest, kind, and patient, but it sounds like she’s still figuring herself out, and that’s something you can’t fix for her.

When someone says “I love you” and “I want you,” but still keeps another person close, it creates this emotional limbo that can eat away at your peace. You deserve clarity, not half-promises wrapped in fear. Long distance or not, real connection should make you feel secure, not constantly guessing where you stand. 💛

Maybe it’s time to give her the space she didn’t know how to take and give yourself the same gift. If she truly values what you share, she’ll reach back when she’s ready. But if she doesn’t, at least you’ll know you protected your heart instead of waiting for mixed signals.

When you think about stepping back, do you feel a sense of relief or fear? Sometimes, that first feeling tells you what your heart already knows.

[Sally]

Yeah, that’s rough. You care about her, but she’s caught between feelings and fear. That kind of mixed space can mess with your head.

You’ve done enough trying. Step back, breathe, and let her show if she really wants you there. If she does, you’ll know. If not, you’ll still have peace and that’s worth more than guessing where you stand.

[Natalie Noah]

You’re carrying a lot of love and a lot of uncertainty, and both are heavy. April’s practical point is real: long-distance needs clear commitment from both sides, and right now, this situation looks more like hope and messages than a relationship. That doesn’t make your feelings wrong. It just means the reality on the ground is messy, and you deserve clarity instead of being kept in a limbo that slowly chips away at you.
Here’s how I’d advise you, gently and honestly:

Ask for clarity once, calmly, and without begging. Send one short message that asks where she truly stands. Something like:
“I care about you and I don’t want to pressure you, but I need to understand what you want. Do you see us trying something real and exclusive when you’re ready, or are you exploring other people right now?”
Say it once, mean it, and then watch what she does next. Actions will tell you the story words won’t.

Protect your heart with boundaries. If she’s dating others or uncertain, don’t be the placeholder. You told her you’d step back; keep that promise to yourself. Pulling back doesn’t mean closing the door forever, it means not waiting in a hallway hoping someone will come out.

Expand your life locally. April’s blunt advice to meet people closer to home isn’t cold, it’s kind to you. Invest in friendships, hobbies, and dating in real life. You’ll feel less dependent on her texts, and you might be surprised who shows up when you’re living fully.

Be honest about what you will and won’t accept. If you want exclusivity, say so. If you’re okay with something casual for now, say that too. But don’t live in wishful thinking; make a choice that honours your needs.

Love is brave, but it’s also smart. Tell her honestly what you need, give her room to answer honestly, and then protect your own life no matter which way she goes. If you want, I can help you craft that message so it feels like you’re honest, calm, and not pleading. Do you want me to write one for you?

[KeishaMartin]

She didn’t want a lover, she wanted a safe emotional pet. Those “I love yous” were appetizers, not the main course. And when her real-world boyfriend situation shifted, the appetizer plate got cold. That’s not confusion, darling, that’s clarity served on ice.

She liked the idea of you without ever risking choice. AskApril always says it straight people who want you don’t play limbo with your heart, and they sure as hell don’t audition other men in your presence. Sitting there shrinking yourself to avoid being “annoying” isn’t romantic; it’s invisible, and invisibility kills desire faster than mistletoe kills dignity at a Christmas party.

So what now? Follow April Masini’s wisdom: pull back, focus on women who are present, tangible, and willing to fight for your attention. Keep your mystery sharp, let her chase if she’s serious. If she doesn’t? You just dodged being a long-distance backup plan, honey. And trust me… nothing is sexier than spending Christmas with someone who chooses you fully, instead of texting across the country while watching her flirt with someone else under the holiday lights.

[Member]

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